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He does not have any close friends, although I had tried to have him included as often as possible.
Obviously, a child is most impressed by those whom he is around the most and by those whose opinion he values. Interact with a child through conversation and discussion to make him intellectually competent and socially adept. Views expressed in the Comments section are not necessarily the views of No Greater Joy Ministries, and are in no way endorsed by us. Please be aware that we moderate all incoming comments to ensure no spam, hateful, explicit, or unhelpful content gets posted. On-Topic - Please keep your comment relevant to the content of the page on which it is posted. Complete - When making a statement, please explain it thoroughly so there is no doubt as to your meaning. Clean - We will NOT approve "flames", sarcastic or hateful comments, or messages with profanity. Respectful & Sensible - If you disagree with our views, we encourage you to go ahead and say so, but do it in a logical, sensible, helpful way. Your subconscious mind is already dismissing all this as a load of nonsense, so you don’t even have to try it.
We start out at birth with a pretty full bar, and from that moment on we’re receiving plenty of strokes. Your low self-esteem is the result of too many negative strokes compared to the positive ones. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try, like a new class or a trip somewhere new and exciting?
There are plenty of other ways you can boost your positive strokes and reduce your negative ones.
July 11, 2010 By IntegrityAdmin Leave a Comment Some of the biggest problems people face are with low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. Since no one is immune to these issues, it can be helpful to see some of the ways that low self-esteem plays out in a person’s life. Keep in mind that working with a professional can help with self-esteem issues, as there might be a lot of emotional pain that needs to come to the surface.
Part of it is innate—a reflection of the image of God—and part of it is a by-product of his society and culture. Society, including religion, can communicate and inculcate false and unrealistic goals that are impossible to meet. Get fresh content with the Cane Creek Corner, delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Friday!
If you have a comment unrelated to this page or wish to send us a private note, you may do so via our General Correspondence form. State your views in a respectful tone and back up your arguments with facts or real-life examples.
No Greater Joy Ministries (NGJ) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit ministry of Michael and Debi Pearl. It may be wildly different to how other people value you; if you think of yourself much more highly, you can come across as conceited or arrogant.
All the confidence-boosting advice in the universe will do you no good if you aren’t even going to use it!
And that means getting angry about it, being willing to smash your entire worldview and work towards building a new one. I would hope as a baby you received lots of positive ones – attention from loving parents.
If someone is angry with you, you’ll take a hit to your self-esteem whether that anger is justified or not. You feel worthless because you’ve had more emotional signals telling you this than positive ones telling you that you are valued.


Exactly when and where you take this time is up to you, but during this time you are NOT to do any work, be interrupted by family or friends, or worry about anything else in your life. When low self-esteem is present, it affects all the decisions and choices that are made over a lifetime.
The people we allow into our lives give us a good indication as to what we believe about ourselves.
You might be more comfortable settling for mediocrity in some or all areas of your life than in doing the work to change.
Our conscience is never far from the conviction that God holds us accountable for the way we invest our life. A child who is a little slower in developing than other children and always feels inferior, or a child whose parents are driving him to perform above his peers, or a child who is talked down to by his parents or those whom he respects, or any number of ways whereby society overly burdens a child with perfectionist goals will cause low self-esteem. Don’t throw him into the ring with competitors that will crush him—until he is strong enough to fight back. If your statements are unfounded or "just because I say so" we are not likely to include them. The way we value ourselves is an integral part of our worldview, and changing that is a big and scary task. A slight improvement every day for a long period of time will really add up, and your subconscious will be far less likely to try to sabotage these minor changes. It’s the equivalent of an alcoholic hitting rock bottom and choosing to quit drinking. It doesn’t matter what those particular strokes were, as long as we got a lot of them.
If you’re stuck in a relationship like this, it is vital that you sort it out before you can hope to improve your self-esteem. We cannot spend our entire lives working for others – we physically and emotionally need to receive something for ourselves.
We have never talked down to him, although there have been others who have expressed that they did not want him around.
We feel the responsibility to multiply the “talents” God has given us—our time, gifts, energy, money, etc. The people who expressed that they “did not want your child around” are not responsible for his poor self-image; they just manifest it in a social setting. Rather than whine or try to make people respect him, lead him to become competent and accomplished in some area that he and others value. I suggest you do to things: First, ask your husband what is wrong with your son that he is not liked by other kids. You may not have low self-esteem because of some deprived childhood – you might simply need more positive reinforcement. But the good news is that, if you’re willing to work at it, you CAN boost your self-esteem. If you can’t avoid toxic relationships, such as with work colleagues or family members, try to minimise how much time you spend with them. We can gain great satisfaction from helping others, but it needs to come from a positive frame of mind: because we want to help. A negative self-image will keep you from trying new experiences, learning new things, discovering new places.
Know that what comes out of your mouth is a radar of what is going on inside your heart and mind. Many people don’t realize that they are the ones who decide how much they are worth and how much they deserve. A child or adult can have low self-esteem because of the gap between what he knows he should and could be, and his lazy unwillingness to pay the price to achieve the realistic goals he has set for himself.
You can count on it; the lower performers in any classroom setting will have a poor self-image. If a child is being rejected by his peers, ridiculed by his siblings, or even by the other parent, the thing that will make it worse is for the sympathetic parent to run interference, trying to protect the child by making others show him the respect he deserves. Provide the tools and encouragement for him to succeed in those areas that are important to him. Thousands of teenagers are known to routinely self-harm, though exact figures are hard to come by – it is estimated that 10% of UK teenagers have self-harmed, though the true figure could be much higher.


A stroke from our loved ones is always more powerful than a stroke from some random guy on the bus, and the older we get the less effect each stroke has.
However, it’s true that a prolonged negative environment (say, being routinely beaten in a prison cell) will bring down the self-esteem of even the most positive person eventually.
All this needs is for you to receive more positive strokes than negative ones for a long enough period of time. Instead of saying things that cut yourself down, make it a practice to only say kind and nice things about YOU. When low self-esteem is present you might have trouble brushing off negative comments and define yourself more by the perceptions of others.
Self-esteem issues are at the root of many fears, especially those that have to do with making changes.
What you chose to do about it is strictly up to you; but this person says you’d better get help and not self help. He will see your desperation and anger, but he will not interpret it as an affirmation of his worth.
Some kids are lazy and will just waste away in self-pity before they will stir themselves to pay the price of excellence, so you must constrain them to get out of their comfort and pity zones to reach for more. Second, ask the other kids, or the parents of other kids (in a non-accusing way) what is wrong with your child. They’re probably feeling just as worthless as you are – help each other, rather than arguing all the time! The only answer would be to do what one knows he ought, and thus remove the self-accusation. If you feel good about yourself, you’ll get more benefit from positive strokes and feel less impact from negative ones. You can always help the less fortunate later, when you’re in a better position to do so. Every little step makes you stronger, and eventually you’ll be strong enough to take bigger steps. That impacts on everyone around you – family, friends, colleagues, maybe the entire world. You will speed up the downward spiral by inflated praise of the child and by condemnation of others.
If your self-esteem is low, however, you’ll find those negative strokes hurt more… and you may struggle to get any benefit from the positive ones at all! Your happiness is more important than hanging on for the sake of the children or whatever else. At an early age, we either felt good about who or what we are, or, through our environment and experiences, began to get mentally and emotionally damaged.I don’t like to talk to those of you who might be macho about “the Inner Child”, but if you have low self esteem today, when did the seeds get planted? Empty praise and “positive affirmation” will not help a person feel better about himself when his conscience is justly condemning him. Again, if you are honest with yourself, things probably started as a child and you have never felt 100% about you; this has caused emotional pain.
What temporarily gets rid of emotional pain better than finding escape- booze, drugs, sex shopping, eating, gambling – the list goes on?Emotional healing after addictionAs Stein says, we are always the same age inside.
I’ll take it one step farther, while we always have that child inside, IF WE take action the inner child can heal.The road to healing begins with getting honest with our self and accepting our low self image as a start point, then having the courage to take action to change and heal. If I love and respect me, would I do the abusive things to myself that I did in active addiction? Would I wish my self abuse on anyone?So what is today’s message?From this person’s perspective, if you want to be free of addictions or other self-destructive behavior, the place you have to start at is taking the hard actions needed to create a YOU who You respect and hold in reasonable esteem.Wonder how?
Do you have the humility and guts to learn the answer and make changes in yourself and your family?



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