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08.04.2016
Most of the times, their criticisms reflect more about themselves than about you. They react in this manner because of certain beliefs and frameworks they have about life. Filter through their words (more importantly, your interpretations of their words) and get down to the real message. Firstly, you are a step ahead in your journey of conscious living because you are no longer behaving in a reactive manner.
Secondly, you are literally more knowledgeable now that you know the real intent of their feedback.
The previous company I worked at is an American MNC, so the communication was often direct and to the point. While some might gasp at this behavior, there is really no reason to take offense, because that’s just how he chooses to communicate. Needless to say, the ones who chose to see the comments in a negative light put themselves through unnecessary unhappiness; the ones who sieved through the words and got to the essence of the message were able to improve based on the feedback. I would much rather be out with a direct, blunt person than with someone who is seemingly nice but is fake.
Just as their criticisms reflect something about their inner frameworks, our discomfort with their criticisms reflects something about our inner frameworks too, especially if we are bothered by it. Some of my friends would complain about how their critical friends put them down all the time.
Just as the critical people need to take responsibility for their comments, we have to take responsibility for receiving the negativity too. While the effects may not be immediate and it may just be a small improvement in your eyes, in their universe it’s a huge shift.
Sometimes it may just be that both of you are not compatible as friends at this phase of your lives, and that both of you are better off apart from each other. There’s something you are really happy about and you decide to tell your friend to share the excitement. They seem to have an automatic filter which mentally blocks out whatever goodness before them. While you can try to get out of their way, you are bound to run into one or two of them in school or at work. I’d wonder why she was always so discouraging, and would feel defensive when she voiced out with her unwelcomed criticism.
They may be trying to offer an opinion that’s misinterpreted due to their lack of tact.


The former ensures the message is conveyed correctly, but ultimately it is the message that matters. There were times when people would be overly curt and blunt, especially when caught in pressing situations and tight timelines. My past experience has made me more perceptive because rather than focus on exact words being said, I listen to what the person is communicating. Take their criticisms as a source of reliable, honest feedback, rather than seeing them as uninvited criticisms.
Some people pretend to be nice and supportive in front of you, when in actuality they are not in agreement and they are just concealing their misgivings. The first set of answers will be directed toward the external world, such as issues with the other person. It could be a certain belief or a certain similar situation from the past. The final answer should be one which helps you gain closure on your discomfort and helps you to directly act on the situation by your own actions, without expecting anyone else to change. So if you talk to them about something in hopes they will respond in enthusiasm and encouragement, stop doing it. No sooner will this become a heated, ugly debate with one another – one which is unlikely to end well. If you can’t stop them from voicing their opinions, then you have an option of ignoring them. And through time, your relationship with the person will evolve into a different one altogether. If the relationship is causing you anguish, then do yourself and the person a favor by breaking it off. I'm Celes and I'm here to help you achieve your highest potential and unleash your magic to the world. You can’t ever remember when was the last time they gave a compliment or encouragement. However, when I observed her treatment of our common friends, I realized she did this with others too.
Critical people may be curt, but we are the ones who choose to attach the negativity to their words.
One of the general managers was well known for his fiery temper, lashing out with verbal attacks and swearing at people when things were not going well. I’ve come across a couple of such people, and while the friendship initially starts off on a high note, the revelation of their dishonesty later on disgusts me to no end and puts an abrupt end to the friendship.


However, as you keep drilling down, the answers change from outward-directed to inward-directed. Critical people like to dispense their opinions even where they are not asked, so just make sure you don’t mention it in front of them. You have seen their critical behavior in action before, so it shouldn’t surprise you if they continue to dish out criticisms at what you say. Give a simple 1-2 liner response, one that acknowledges receipt of the comment but doesn’t engage further in the discussion. We can’t change how people want to act or talk around us, but we can change how we act around them.
Same comments, same criticisms, same hang-ups with them, even though I never saw anything wrong with our common friends. Critical people may lack tact, but that’s because they lack awareness of how their behavior impacts others. What really matters is the message the person is trying to convey, more than what exactly is being said. On the other hand, I have friends who may be uncomfortably blunt when I first know them, but later reveal themselves to be true gems because they are reliable and true to their words. Albert Einstein would tell you that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity, and he’s right. You may be surprised, but sometimes they are really just clueless on how they are coming across until they see themselves in action. If you still insist on putting yourself in the same situation, then you really have no one else to blame but yourself! If that’s not enough, they top it off with their projection of all the possible bad things that can happen.
And if they are so critical to others, chances are they treat themselves with the same, if not higher, level of criticism.
From there on, I no longer took anything she said personally and was able to objectify the situation.



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