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25.03.2016
In the summer of 1993, six teenagers (three boys and three girls) meet at summer camp and become close friends, sharing their dreams for the future.
John Stamos and Lifetime movies are a rare combining of pop culture pleasures so great that they cease to be guilty.
Here's Stamos, playing a pastor.Lifetime movies fit Stamos like a glove, allowing him to throw televised fits not seen since his Blackie days and chew up every close-up with his emoting eyes. As this is Lifetime, I can state the obvious up front: there's a lady and she has a total asshole for a husband.
The hottest baptism ever shown on LifetimeStamos plays a small-town pastor who wears jeans and fitted flannel(-patterned) shirts with three-quarter sleeves.
Well, the medical examiner soon sets the detective straight, and now she's got a murder on her hand! The detective starts poking around amongst Alice's lady friends, and finds out that she had broken up with her husband because he was an asshole who beat her, then recently took him back for unknown reasons. I don't like Stamos' jeans, but I like his back grasp.Lifetime, of course, doesn't show anything more risque than some slow-motion panting, but Stamos is a TV veteran and knows how to work a white undershirt. But not only does Reverend Stamos never wear anything remotely conservative-looking, he's a shitty pastor.
Faced with this rejection, is it any surprise that Alice goes back to her asshole husband who enjoyed beating her within an inch of her life? It doesn't really make sense, but I guess I'm willing to go along with it, especially because there's never enough proof to arrest anyone. Jennifer Boudinot is a freelance writer, editor, and social media marketer who lives in Brooklyn, NY.
Kathie Lee and Hoda celebrate the 50th anniversary classic sitcom “I Dream of Jeannie” with Jeannie herself, the ageless Barbara Eden.
What’s life really like on the set of THE MIDDLE, the hit ABC sitcom that kicks off the first of four consecutive May Sweeps episodes tonight at 8PM on ABC? Which cast member is known for spending most of his time off-camera snacking at Craft services? CM: Eden loves that sweatshirt, she never stops talking about how much she loves that sweatshirt.
CM: I watched two episodes of JERSEY SHORE last year and then I hated myself for it, but I grew up there every summer so I was trying to watch it to see the Jersey Shore and then I realized it was actually nothing like the Jersey Shore I experienced.


Which cast member’s off camera life would be most interesting in terms of fodder for their own reality TV show? But you don't even need to know that to understand how eager I was watch Stamos take off his clothes in "Secrets of Eden." You just have to be someone who likes to sleep with men. She and her domestic-violence-loving spouse are played by stereotypical Lifetime actors (vaguely recognizable and blandy attractive), probably because the Stamos is so expensive -- double whammy, because his mastery of TV acting makes them also seem boring in comparison.
He starts off the movie by baptising Alice (the lady-tagnoist), and -- naturally -- she has a picnic to celebrate, but her asshole husband can't come because of work. Even though the husband was shot through the back of the head from several feet away, they determine that it's a suicide, because the gun in his hand. She's also not at all mad at herself for letting some random guy onto the scene of a murder to clean up.
She had also started to become more spiritual, as evidenced by her going into Heather's spiritual bookshop for the first time even though she had read all her books.
As hot as these all-to-brief flashbacks were, "Secrets of Eden" didn't really deliver on the bad pastor front.
Or so I'm assuming, because we don't seem him deliver a single sermon except for Alice's funeral in the movie -- mostly he's just hanging out in an empty church, waiting to have one-on-one confrontations with various women. He stands by his choice to make impassioned love to Alice during her separation, even when the detective confronts him with Alice's lime-green diary of secrets. He seems totally sober when he does it, but I guess after the fact he decides to sit in his La-Z-Boy and drink some beer, because that's where his daughter finds him, passed out with a bottle in his hand, and shoots him in the back of the head with his gun. I mean, she's an 18-year-old girl who had every right to be terrified of her dad and go temporarily insane, but Stamos decides it would be better for her to keep the secret that she killed her father for the rest of her life, and for him to ruin his life by taking the fall for a crime he didn't commit, because her mother would have wanted it that way. My yellow cross-country sweatshirt on that sweltering soundstage is absolutely my favorite thing to wear. You know you gotta give it a shot, at least watch one episode of one of the three, maybe start out with KHLOE & LAMAR and then talk to us about not watching reality television. Patty has her family and goes and tends to that, Neil [Flynn] has his cat Mike, and Charlie and I live next to each other and we’re both really boring.
Fifteen years later, their childhood friendships have developed into passionate love affairs, deep friendships as well as professional relationships.
And if you are, and you were born between 1978 and 1985, you probably have enough Stamos pop-ins (if he doesn't have a permanent space on your bench) that it will be totally worth it for you to watch this movie.


During the picnic we also find out that Alice recently got back together with her husband, and that they have a teenaged daughter who loves The Fray. I spent many of my pre-teen years crushing on my church's engaged youth pastor (yes, I had a lot going on back then). But apparently the stress of being a hot pastor who has unmarried sex up against walls really was too much to bear, because in one of the last flashbacks of the movie (a short, uninspired "I can't do this anymore" scene), we find out that Stamos was the one who dumped Alice. The movie goes to great lengths to show us how happy and independent Alice feels while separated -- there's even a dancing around the kitchen while making cookies montage!
Alice also has a vaguely ethnic friend Heather, who shows up for five seconds to give her a Ganesh statue and meet Pastor Stamos (who's called "Pastor Drew" in the movie, in a strange throwback to Untouchable).
And since it was just a suicide, might as well let the local pastor, clad in blue rubber gloves (even the gloves are tight) clean up the house, right?
Meanwhile, because I have seen several hundred episodes of Law & Order, I realize that it was totally the daughter that did it. Now that I'm an atheist, I had been looking forward to enjoying some pastor-sex fantasies with some Stamos flavor mixed in -- without worrying about the hell-related consequences!
First he's banging a married parishioner on the regular, then he hooks up with a non-Christian after she dies! So it really makes no sense that she'd go back to her husband, especially since every one of her gossipy friends say that they encouraged Alice to get a restraining order and a divorce.
The corruption, the desire for power and the trials and tribulations within each of their relationships has scattered their dreams like dust in the wind. But since being on stage with a band as old as the Beach Boys has always cast an unattractive haze over Stamos's drumming performances, I'll take what I can get here. In any Lifetime movie worth its salt there'd be some angry people on his lawn, or at least he'd give an emotional sermon where he asks for forgiveness.



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