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26.02.2014
Anyway, I was thinking the other night about the shows I was hooked on pre-Dexter and I realize that a lot of them have something in common. Tony and I have had some of our most devastating fights after a secret one of us was keeping gets revealed. There are many more monsters than the three above that are clamoring to get out and wreak havoc on my marriage– stubbornness, defensiveness, and self-righteousness just to name a few.
You are reading Three Marriage Monsters and the Secrets for Defeating Them, a #staymarried blog. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
April 25, 2016 by Jenn 2 Comments Marriage is work; I don’t care what anyone says there is nothing easy about living with the same person day after day. We’re not married but co-habitation does bring difficulties and hardships like a marriage. Give compliments to your partner, be supportive, also encouragement and subtle non-sexual rewards, such as hand holding - are the happiest. When you begin to feel irritated with your partner, instead of thinking of everything you don't like, turn your thoughts towards all the good things you like!
Give each other space, connect with friends and family, pursue your own interests and be of service to others otherwise you'll be over-focused to your partner which could lead to tension or problem in a relationship.
That wretched insomnia that propelled me to start writing for #staymarried in the first place has crept back into my life. His monster-like behavior is pretty extreme, but when I take an honest look, I think we all have our own monsters that creep into our marriages with the potential to destroy them. Heart rates go up, voices are raised, and harsh things get said that are hard to take back. It is an awful feeling to know your spouse doesn’t trust you enough to be completely honest.
I recently subscribed and when I received your first blog through email, I diid not see a link to share it anywhere such as twitter or FB etc… I like your blog very much.


We share our lives and resources here at #staymarried because we believe marriage is AMAZING, though not without its challenges.
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I totally believe that you can have the same problems in a co-habitation relationships, it’s basically a marriage. You may even have a chance to step away from the argument and ask yourself, “What is this even about? John Gottman and his team of researchers have found that a conversation will typically end on the same note it began. Then suddenly out of nowhere, they don’t like the way we fold the towels or how we might want to spend our money. It sounds crazy, but Tony and I have found the most happiness when we are giving to each other, giving to our family, and giving to our marriage instead of trying to see what we can get out of it. If you think these could benefit someone else’s marriage, please consider sharing, or Pin them so you can come back to them later. I lay awake thinking and remembering and imagining and planning and regretting and not sleeping.
These men are pathological liars on their best days and narcissistic psychopaths on their worst. So, rather than coming to Tony with my voice raised and my attitude in attack-mode, I try my best to be mindful of my tone of voice (the gentler, the better) and the appropriate timing (not when he’s falling asleep or busy making dinner for all of us).
It’s possible that keeping those small secrets will help avoid unnecessary arguments. We have access to each others email accounts, all social media, bank accounts and credit cards. It is easy and all too common to think to yourself that your partner is encroaching on the way you want to live your life.
When I'm not blogging, you'll find me spending time with my family, traveling, cooking, geeking out on tech, plotting the next home improvement, create crafts with the kids, and hang with my pitbull Skittles and newest bunny, Bun Bun.


It is perfectly alright to bring up something that is bothering me, but it will go much better if I bring it up in a way that gives him the benefit of the doubt and allows us both time to have a relatively uninterrupted conversation about it. The problem with keeping secrets from each other is that those tiny hidden facts create huge invisible wedges between you and your spouse. There’s something about a serial killer who is really a good guy because he only murders other serial killers that I find so much more relaxing than my real life. There are parts of me that, hard as I may try to push them down, somehow rise to the surface with a Wolverine-like fury. Uninterrupted conversations are hard to come by with three kids aged four and under, but we try our best.
Secrets divide, they cause us not to trust each other, and without trust our relationships suffer. But, even when both husband and wife come from homes that stayed intact, it’s easy to let this Me Monster loose on your marriage. I think loving someone means that we want to give our best – to our marriage and to our spouse. The more secrets you keep, the less opportunity you have for real intimacy since intimacy requires vulnerability and transparency.
Let’s be honest about the darkness inside of us so that we can successfully defeat it over and over again.
There is always more that I can give, and in the giving, there is fulfillment and happiness.




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