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Unhappy with being overweight?Frustrated about being stuck in a never-ending cycle of yo-yo dieting? Lack confidence and feel awkward in social situations because you are overweight?Eat for reasons other than hunger, then feel guilty and unhappy afterwards?Feel unmotivated, unsupported and alone? I’ve seen rapport described as ‘trust + responsiveness’, though this is primarily amongst NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) practitioners. Establishing rapport starts with a genuine interest in and curiosity about the other person, along with mutual respect and trust. Rather, good rapport implies a willingness to stand in someone else’s shoes; when it is present, we experience being ‘in sync’ with the other person. When you are in rapport with someone, it may be that you have intangible things in common, like values and aspirations. As a pitch and presentation coach, I find evidence of rapport between members of a pitch team (or for that matter, on a playing field!) can be impressive; perhaps because I rarely experience it. All of us have to deal with a variety of personalities in our business life, whether colleagues, superiors, subordinates, suppliers or clients.
Of course, there are many aspects at play with respect to who sets the tone and who follows and this is definitely not always about hierarchies. Building on rapport, the ability to convey collaboration rather than antagonism and competition is an important skill in business, as is the ability to balance involvement with independence. However, this doesn’t mean that you are friends necessarily (although you may be that too). Are there people you wish you had better rapport with and do you think it would enhance your relationship with them and therefore improve your working life either because there is potential to do business together or because it’s a colleague you work with closely and you just feel you don’t gel?
The NLP tool of mirroring and matching someone’s body language can be very useful, though be careful not to use this without empathy – it can come across as insincere. Since 2000, Lynda has provided presentation and business development coaching to teams, team leaders and business owners, as well as to individuals on a 1-1 basis. Her specialities include coaching and advising clients on delivery of their presentations and pitches, alongside helping clients to refine and express their key business messages.
With over 25 years’ experience in marketing and training, Lynda was in on the very early days of digital media development in the UK.
Lynda sat on the Validation Panel advising the University of Westminster on their revised MA in Hypermedia Studies in 2000. Last year she worked with several Year 6 classes in Hackney primary schools, coaching them on how best to pitch their ideas and inventions in their own versions of Dragon’s Den during ‘Work Week’ as well as featuring as a ‘dragon’ on the judging panels of two schools! Her commercial clients include The Aldersgate Group, Big Picture TV, Channel 4 Automotive, Chase Manhattan Bank, The Coca-Cola Company, Eleco plc, Global Action Plan, GSK, Inspire!, KPMG, Orange, Positive Money, Waitrose, Wired Sussex and Zolfo Cooper.
Lynda learnt a great deal about voice production and visual presence during her 12 years training as a classical singer.
A licensed NLP Business Practitioner, Lynda is also a Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts and Manufacture (RSA). While there is bound to be exceptions the following is a guide to what will be posted when on Coaching Confidence. Daily - A daily quote with a mix of different quotes that will appeal to different coaching styles, opinions and beliefs. Monday Coaching Confidence Chatterbox - a quick interview style feature with different coaches. Friday - A post by a guest author or offering a recommendation for coaches and those interested in coaching. Sunday Blog posts for coaches from around the web Includes some of the posts that were shared on our Facebook page each Monday. All there to support and encourage you as a coach - no matter where you are on your coaching journey.

Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will add value to my readers - if I can't see the value it doesn't matter what commission is offered it simply won't be listed.
Feeling confident can have many benefits to how we live our lives, whether personal or business.
When we feel confident, we look better, work better, have better relationships, do better in business, even sleep and eat better and exercise more!  A lack of confidence or self-belief can be crushing, and you’d be surprised by how many people feel the same way as you… I have helped very successful individuals who on the inside feel totally out of their depth, as well as people who feel confident generally, but still struggle to make their life the success they want it to be. If any of these apply to you, then you can benefit from a one-to-one coaching partnership.  Whether it's for work, business or life in general, I will give you the individual attention and one to one help that will help you realise your full potential. Butterfly Effect Coaching aims to provide a range of useful and practical workshops to business and career minded people locally. Think of someone you know who positively exudes self-confidence; it can be a friend, relative or someone in the public eye. If you have ticked all or most of the statements it is likely that you are not a very confident person. Believe in yourself-make a list of all the things you are good at, no matter how small, (for example ‘I make a delicious fish pie) and list the help of family and friends to add to your list. Focus on the things you CAN do rather than dwelling on the things you can’t —it is so easy to think negatively about yourself when your self-confidence is lacking but nobody can be good at everything so  remind yourself of all the things you ARE capable of doing, all of which add up to making you a unique individual worth knowing!
Practice positive thoughts- referred to as positive affirmations by coaches, by replacing negative thoughts and sayings with more positive ones, it IS possible to actively change your mindset to thinking and believing more is capable than you previously thought. Don’t worry what others think about you-people who lack confidence often assume others are thinking the worst about them whereas it is most likely that the reason they appear curt or offhand is because they are distracted or worried by something themselves.
Use positive body language-research shows that our body language accounts for 55% of communication, tone of voice 38% and words just 7%. Do a dare a day-get out of your comfort zone by doing something you would normally avoid doing. Finally,  consider this-how would being more confident  make a difference to your life as it stands now? About Pavlenka SmallPavlenka is a a personal development, career coach and life coach, who specialises in allowing people who have lost direction in life to get back on track, both in their personal and working life to develop into the person they want to be and to lead the life they want to lead. TestimonialsSusan, Archaeologist, Essex - Pavlenka helped me to realise that I was unable to deal with certain emotions as I deliberately avoided situations where they might have been encountered. It doesn’t always mean collaboration or co-operation, and it certainly isn’t about acquiescence or capitulation. It is the ability to be on the same wavelength and to connect mentally and emotionally without necessarily agreeing. You probably perceived a higher than average appearance of strong rapport between members of the team. Some of these will be people you work with on a short-term basis, such as in a pitch situation or a software development team for a specific project.
There are some behavioural (or, if you prefer, personality) types that have little or no time for rapport and I’m sure we all know a few of those.
There’ll be times when others won’t always want to adapt to your style, so no matter what behavioural type you happen to be, the ability to build rapport – quite quickly sometimes – is a useful social skill to learn. We also need to establish our boundaries; particularly so in a longstanding client relationship where some sort of intimacy has often been developed. There are times when sharing something particularly personal might cause embarrassment or pain to either or both parties. If you can’t do that, do what Onassis did – keep pertinent notes on anyone who is important to you in business. Her passion is working with people and organisations out to make a positive difference in the world.
She has created bespoke interactive (e-learning) training tools, training seminars and development programmes for media professionals in major companies across a variety of sectors.

She has been a visiting lecturer at the Royal College of Art (RCA) and was a member of the original expert working group for the first pan-European MA in Interactive Media.
She reads and writes Greek well (having lived in Greece for three years) and French passably.
She has recently gone through a rebranding exercise and her company, Brainbank presents, will be launched before the end of January 2014. It takes time to get used to new routines and develop a more positive attitude and mindset. A former restaurateur, hotelier and college lecturer, having acted as a trainer, mentor and personal tutor to individuals from all walks of life and of all ages.
However, I believe that good relationships develop over time and rapport is an important foundation of building a good relationship.
In other situations, deeper connections and relationships will need to be created and built, such as with those people you work with on a daily basis. It is simply their style of behaviour to dispense with the niceties and get on with the business in hand. If you have a really good rapport with that person, you’ll make the judgement that it isn’t appropriate to share that information at this time. Give candid feedback and converse but take care not to interrupt; it can seem inconsiderate. It clearly worked for him, and however contrived it might seem, it does show how much he cared. She recently (November 2013) gave a lecture to the faculty and students of the new MRes in Rhetoric at the Centre for Oratory and Rhetoric (COR) at Royal Holloway, University of London.
Is it their facial expression, the way they dress, their posture or what they say that makes you believe they are confident? So be aware of how other, apparently confident people present themselves and remember, an appropriate  smile  can make all the difference.
As with anything in life, practice makes perfect so don’t be too hard on yourself if you have any moments of self-doubt. Pavlenka describes herself as a ‘non-judgemental sounding board’; she asks the right questions, listens attentively and challenges any negative self-beliefs or thought processes you might have. Or you might admire the other person, need to work with them, or would love to have them as a client.
Back to my point about it essentially being one of the foundations of a solid relationship.
It’s about reading each situation as it occurs and judging the best action to take at any particular time.
She still performs regularly and is happy to sing in any of these languages, as well as Italian and German! Should you talk frankly to these people whom you admire for their apparent belief in themselves and their capabilities, you might be surprised to learn that they do not feel as confident as they might appear to others. This may seem trivial to you, but to other types such as ‘relators’, personal interaction and rapport building is anything but. Otherwise, there’s a danger of getting stuck in outmoded patterns of behaviour; something worth being vigilant about in our personal as well as our work lives!

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