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You’d occasionally spot those long-term couples still looking all goggly-eyed at each other and wonder what they were smoking. Finding the person who will still make your heart go pitter patter 10, 20, or 30 years down the road does involve a little luck and chemistry, but mostly it involves knowing yourself, who you’re looking for, and some basic prerequisites for any successful relationship. This is basic, foundational work everyone should undergo in preparation for a great relationship. Without emotional intelligence, your love relationship WILL have problems, even if you are compatible in most other areas.
The more unaddressed stuff you bring in to a new relationship, the more potential there is for conflict, low self-esteem, hurt feelings, and unhappiness.
I strongly believe all of us need some amount of therapy and counsel before we enter into a serious relationship, but this is particularly true if you have a lot of baggage. These 5 love languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Here’s a list of 400 value words to help you narrow down your own guiding life principles.
Putting things down on paper adds a level of clarity and reality to your goals and desires. Consider the qualities that speak to values, integrity, personality, commitment, communication, intimacy, respect, motivation, empathy, and affection.
You may not find someone who matches your ideal exactly, but having an ideal in mind gives you mental picture of the type of person you’re looking for.
There are a variety of free personality assessments online, and I’d suggest you take one of them to find out your 4-letter type. This is certainly not the only guideline for finding your soulmate, but the research suggest you have a higher likelihood of relationship satisfaction when matched with the best personality type for your personality. If you don’t like these ideas or if you want to broaden your search, tell friends and family you are looking and ask them to keep an eye out. If you are looking for a creative, artsy woman, you may not find her in your accounting office. This may take some creative brainstorming, but you can find your match doing what he or she likes to do. Sometimes we’re so eager to meet someone and fall in love that we ignore those little red flags that start to crop up early in a relationship. Have you ever met someone with whom you were extremely compatible, you had lots of fun together, you shared the same values, you found them physically attractive and interesting, but you had very little sexual chemistry? Having a great friendship with your love partner is essential, but having great chemistry is essential too.
Remember those couples in the restaurant who sat silently or glared at each other over Pad Thai? Healthy relationships require mutual respect, equal (or equitable) divisions of labor, and shared decision making. You see a lot of committed partners where one person is simply along for the ride and the other is directing the ship. Part of emotional intelligence is learning to communicate well and to handle conflict in a mature way.
A great way to learn about this behavior early on is by asking questions that invite your partner to share. You may not get the full picture with these questions, but just his or her reaction to the questions will give you valuable information. When you’re infatuated with someone, everything about them is tinted with a rosy hue.
If it feels like things are getting more and more serious, emotionally step back just long enough to make a clear-headed assessment of some of these practicalities. It’s the small things that can turn into prickly issues once the relationship matures.
We do choose our friends, and they are good indicators of some of the behaviors, values, and interests your guy or girl might possess. Life will be filled with ups and downs, and it’s easy to be kind and happy when everything is going your way.
One of the best indicators of whether or not someone is your soulmate is how you feel when you’re around them. We often question ourselves and our feelings, especially during times of conflict or stress.


Finding your soulmate and making the decision that this person is the one is the biggest life decision you’ll ever make. If you want a soulmate, someone who shares a deep and abiding sense of love and intimacy with you, then you’ll be more discerning in your choices for who you date and spend any lengthy amount of time with. Have you found your soulmate, or are you still looking for that one person to be your lover, best friends, and lifelong companion? If you want a checklist for self-publishing your bestseller then click here to check out our 46-point guide. While she is of the opinion that there was no special work she did, in fact her whole life and acceptance of herself laid the foundation for her relationship with her soulmate, therefore while she didn’t look for him she was ready when he walked into her life. Barrie, you mention the same thing about loving and accepting ourselves before we’re ready to accept a true soulmate.
Because most of us hate be alone we overlook the signals of incompatibility and settle for less than a soulmate. Barrie is a bestselling author with 10 books and counting, and teaches others how to publish and market their books at Authority Pub Academy.
They’re either lost in their cellphones, silently focused on their food, or glaring at each other with barely restrained contempt. If you have low emotional intelligence, or you don’t know what it is, today is the best time to start working on it. We all have baggage we carry into a relationship, and some is more debilitating that others. Do yourself and your future partner a favor, and work on yourself to heal the past and learn new coping skills.
By understanding your own unique needs, and the needs of your partner when you find him or her, you both learn how to express love in a way that feels most loving to each other.
When you’re dating someone, at an appropriate time find a way to communicate your values to this new person, and ask them what their core values are.
If you regularly differ on these big life priorities, it will cause a rift in your connection and eventually impact the respect and love you have for each other. If you don’t, taking the Myers Briggs personality assessment, or another similar personality assessment, is a hugely valuable tool in helping you understand your own motivations, inclinations, and natural aptitudes. Then read this article about compatibility and personality type to see how you can find your soulmate by looking for people who have a complimentary type. Ask anyone who has been in a marriage or long-term relationship that ends, and they’ll tell you they saw the early warning signs, but they ignored them. But you’ll save yourself a lot of time and heartache by responding to the red flags and addressing them early on. You want to be the couple who has great conversation in the restaurant, who laughs at silly stuff, and still holds hands. One partner shouldn’t be in control, and both partners should be equally committed to the health of the relationship.
Eventually the passive partner loses self-esteem and the controlling partner loses respect.
Soulmates view their partner and the relationship as the highest priority in their lives, offering complete respect and regard for each other. It’s hard to observe this new love interest without the filter of your chemically-driven feelings.
You can’t choose your family, so family members may or may not be a reflection of your partner.
You want a soulmate who has your back when times are bad and who can maintain some level of self-control and resilience. You see your beloved across the room and instantly recognize that this is the person you’ve been waiting for all of your life. It takes time to discover exactly who this person is and how they will be in all of the intricacies of an intimate relationship. You may have short relationships with great people who just don’t quite fit the soulmate bill.
Perhaps you’ve had too many unfulfilling or bad relationships to open your heart and share your soul with someone in such a vulnerable way. You are lucky that you found the right person easily, but it doesn’t usually happen that way. You both speak of loving yourself and being comfortable with who you are as the key to finding the person who is not just right, but right for YOU.


You are right we need to be aware of this internal fear that we’re running out of time. She is a certified coach, and online teacher with several online courses on finding your passion, building confidence, and creating good habits. Some of my services include Intuitive Readings with messages from your Angels, Tarot Readings, Angelic Candle Vigils, Divinations, Energy Work and More. Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that include control of your impulses, self-motivation, empathy and social competence in interpersonal relationships. These can include childhood wounds, past relationship issues, or other emotional scars we harbor that impact our behaviors, moods, and self-control. Try to be as emotionally and mentally healthy as possible so you have the energy and resilience to be fully present for someone you love. Make it a point to look for someone who shares as many of the same core values with you as possible. Rather than waiting for that to happen by ignoring these differences, address them now and consider how you will handle them in a committed relationship. Get as specific as possible, focusing specifically on the areas that have the most longevity. You can find out quickly through an anonymous email or a brief phone call whether or not someone is serious about their own search. If you like sports or adventure or travel, get involved in sports, adventure, and travel and meet new people. You both may have your own individual interests, but you need areas of crossover where you spend fun, quality time together.
You may not see poor communication or conflict resolution issues until months down the road of dating. But as unromantic as it sounds, there are practical considerations to address when you’re thinking about your life partner. Look at your on past history with relationships for clues on how you’ll react and feel in time. I’m not suggesting you create a challenge for your relationship, but reserve final judgement on your commitment level until you do. You want to know they are committed to you and the relationship, even when things are stormy.
Allow yourself to enjoy the discovery process, and try not to rush it, even if you feel your biological clock is ticking or you just can’t wait to settle down. The more you look around and date, the more you learn about what you do and don’t want in your future life partner. If so, I hope you give it another chance by being proactive and mindful in your search for your great match. We need to understand and love ourselves first before we are ready to accept a true soulmate. I became content with that rather easy considering the fact that I’m an only child and valued being alone and was very comfortable with the idea. Actually, I went a step further by deciding I wanted to travel and would stop pursuing relationships (my mentality was: if it happens, it happens. My aunts first and last name is the same as his moms, but my aunt was born in February just like him. It sure feels like one, but even though it seems like a one in a million connection between us, I’ve come to believe that anyone can find a great match (or even possibly create one with your existing partner) if you employ your head as well as your heart.
If you live in an area where there isn’t a big pond of potential partners, expand your search and open your mind to a long distance courtship. Having someone with lots of money is great, but as we all know, money doesn’t buy happiness. Whether than means going out with friends to clubs or social events or signing up for a dating service, you must make the (admittedly uncomfortable) effort to search. Does something feel “off” in your relationship or do you feel completely content?



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