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Many people want healthy relationships in their lives, but defining a healthy relationship can be tricky. Direct, kind, and clear communication is the most effective way to communicate with your partner, and we realize this is easier said than done. UO prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, sex, national or ethnic origin, age, religion, marital status, disability, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression in all programs, activities and employment practices as required by Title IX, other applicable laws, and policies. Relationships are informed by one’s cultural identity, relationship history, and a range of factors and so they can vary in terms of closeness, purpose, and meaning. Below are some ideas to consider when reflecting on how to achieve healthier relationships in your life. Questions may be referred to the Title IX Coordinator, Office of Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity, or to the Office for Civil Rights.
Many people fear that if they are in an unhealthy relationship, they'll make excuses to stay in it despite messages they are getting from themselves and others. Contact information, related policies, and complaint procedures are listed on the statement of non-discrimination.


So listen to what people who love you and who you trust are telling you about how your relationship looks from the outside. Don't focus on just one friend's opinion; get opinions from people you can absolutely trust to have your back. By going to a therapist to find out if the unhealthy relationship is workable, you can then decide what to do next. First and foremost, healthy relationships have no violence whatsoever - no physical, sexual, or emotional violence.
Gottman's research indicates that healthy couples use five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. On the other hand, an unhealthy relationship is one that is fraught with what Gottman calls The Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
These characteristics make people feel badly about themselves, and they find themselves working much harder than they should to be happy in their relationship. Can you look at your partner and honestly say, "You are one of my best friends." Most healthy relationships also look quite equal in terms of the power each person has to make decisions and offer their influence.


One of the biggest problems we therapists see is couples who have waited until the damage to themselves and their relationship is too far along to really repair easily.
If you or your partner has started to feel like you are giving up on the relationship, it might be more work that you are willing to put into saving it.
Finally, if you can honestly say that you are unhappy with your partner, or that you don't like who you are in this relationship, it's probably not healthy for you.
If you are mad or sad most of the time, it's time to look at getting help to end the relationship, or do some serious repair work together with a couples therapist. Our love relationships should be where we can get the support, love, and acceptance for who we are to help us get through life's toughest trials. If you or someone you know needs more help figuring out if they are in an unhealthy relationship or one that just needs work, have them contact us at the Center for Family & Couple Therapy on campus at (970) 491-5991.Jenn Matheson is an associate professor of Human Development and Family Studies and the director of the Center for Family and Couple Therapy.



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