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One year, after a particularly successful shopping trip, I came home carrying many bags and found my mom sitting in the living room watching TV, just as she’s pictured on my home page.
I felt like my legs had been sliced at the knees and I was lying in a heap on the living room floor. First, this sounds very familiar to me as a daughter of an undiagnosed BPD mother, the NO WIN situation. Slideshare uses cookies to improve functionality and performance, and to provide you with relevant advertising. Christmas would roll around, and, it was assumed, I’d do the Christmas shopping for her.
I knew my mother’s criticism was waiting in the wings, preparing to make its entrance when I had made my purchases.
I’m sure my mother never once thanked me for doing this, or for wrapping each gift alone when I got home.


Especially since you’re pretty young and are just developing a lot of insights into your relationship. I felt unsure and stressed, as everyone is, during the holiday season, trying to keep track of a list and making sure I’d checked everyone off. I bought a lot on my mom’s behalf and imagined my nieces and nephews and everyone else opening their gifts.
If I had hated every second of shopping, complained about it, and not taken it seriously, I could have shaken off her words. It contains just enough truth to set you back on your heels and make you guilty and angry at the same time. You might not always feel quite so vulnerable, altho it’s always an intense relationship.
She often looked as though she was trying to react in a normal or positive way but couldn’t quite pull it off.


I would feel you would be taking advantage of her if you were using the money without her knowledge. They frequently are insightful, especially about ways they are left out, hurt, and abandoned. The way you showed everything off to her when you got back and after she made that comment asked her about taking the gifts back. I can be tough and very critical of my mother when she is not around but as soon as I’m in her presence I try almost everything under the sun to please her. I can be a strong and independent woman on my own but when it comes to my mother, no matter how old I am, I will always feel like a child in her presence.



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