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Values are subjective, because every single human being views life through his own subjective point of view. If you have your own values and you live towards those with honesty and integrity, you can always hold your head up high and be proud of your achievements. Make three lists: one of your strengths, one of your achievements, and one of the things that you admire about yourself.
Too many of us today struggle with low self-esteem – the perceived lack of our positive traits and the focus on our assumed “weaknesses”, that we are inherently not good enough.
Based on our experiences in life and the messages we’ve received since birth, we form a set of beliefs about ourselves, which may or may not be accurate. And some of us have received more negative messages than others, based on our gender, race, class, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status and all the other things that make us a part of who we are. And all of us have received some negative messages when we fail to reach impossible social ideals or stay within the narrow boxes of what’s acceptable. Sometimes we receive these negative messages so often that we absorb them and they become ingrained into our sense of self-worth. At some point, sometimes we become unable to differentiate between the person that people say we are and the person we truly are. So we question even our right to exist as our authentic selves and then spend a lot of time and energy trying to be somebody else in order to be okay.
Take the negative messages we’ve received about ourselves and think critically about where they’re coming from. Understand that what others say about us is not necessarily the truth and that we have the power within us to form our own truths. See how these messages were created and perpetuated to keep us in our place, wherever that may be in our society that is built on elitism and domination. Identify how we are socially and sometimes even physically punished when we stray too far from the “ideal”. Hear the shaming, blaming, and judging and see that it doesn’t mean that it is not about us, that there is nothing inherently wrong about us. Realize we are all just human beings, struggling to make it in this world that holds us to impossible standards and narrow boxes while wanting to authentically express ourselves and live our truth. So when it comes down to it, feminism and healthy self-esteem can be inextricably linked – embrace the former and you improve the latter. Much advice has been given on how to improve one’s self esteem, but with feminism, we can take it a step further. As mentioned above, once we’ve heard that we’re not worthy for so long and for so often we begin to believe it ourselves.
Often the ones creating these messages do so because they want to make themselves feel better, because they are trying to climb up higher on the social or patriarchal ladder in a society that often perpetuates trampling on others to get to the top, or they were just repeating what they’ve heard others say so to them so many times. And once you recognize that these so-called notions of who you are came from outside sources and not from within yourself, you’ll be one step closer to finding your own inner truth. Sometimes we spend so much time living how society dictates we should live and doing what society wants us to do that we forget who we truly are or what we truly want for ourselves.
Spend some time thinking about what you really enjoy in life and what strengths you possess as a person. So while it may sound cheesy, when we reclaim ourselves, we are able to reclaim our lives and our future. Although presented in a silly, tongue-in-cheek context, the idea behind the phrase is a valuable one – remind yourself of your inherent self-worth and you will eventually come to recognize it for the truth it is. And when those negative thoughts rear their ugly heads (and they will), remind yourself that they are not the truth. It might help to start a list of all the things you like about yourself and your strengths and refer to it when you’re feeling down. This way of countering negative thinking and developing positive thinking patterns is a practice of cognitive behavioral therapy. Often we blame ourselves for the issues we’re facing and so feel too ashamed to talk about the struggles we experience. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be a therapist—reach out to friends or find a support group. Feminism helps us see that we’re not alone in the challenges we face since there’s a complex system of domination and elitism that we all interact with in different ways. Feminism encourages seeking out others who are going through similar challenges and getting involved in creating change that goes beyond our personal lives to benefit the community and society. A good way to do this is to volunteer doing something to help others or get involved in activism.
The mass media plays a huge role in shaping our perception of what’s considered “normal” and important. That being said, there are lots of movies and books out there that portray the positive, more feminist and progressive aspects of society. So instead of watching mindless dribble about rich, beautiful people doing mundane things (Real Housewives, anyone?) that only serve to make us feel inadequate, try watching movies and reading books about people doing good things for themselves and others—like Liam Neeson’s character in Taken, who literally goes to the end of the earth to rescue his daughter from a prostitution ring.


When we read about people doing good for themselves and others, it’s easier to believe that it’s possible and follow their examples. In addition to letting others dictate who we should be, we often let them dictate what we say as well. But in doing this, we are shamed into silence and our emotional realities are dismissed and minimized – by ourselves or by others. Once we are in touch our true selves, we can speak out loud and proud about who we are and what we want in life—our goals, are experiences and how we feel about what others say and do to us. It’s a powerful way to start transforming the story about our lives and how we experience who we are.
We often act in ways to meet some social ideal or to avoid straying too far from the box we’re put in and risk ridicule. But as we get in touch with our true selves (which is a continual process), we are able to and need to live as our true selves.
Shannon Ridgway is a Contributing Writer to Everyday Feminism from the great flyover state of South Dakota (the one with the monument of presidential heads).
One important lesson on how to improve confidence and self-esteem: Do not let a low self esteem ruin your life.
You are not alone; up to 95% of all people in our society have a problem with their self esteem in some way. Please sign up and get exclusive access to a powerful video that will help boost your self-esteem and develop self-confidence. From this moment on, you will not longer ask how to improve self esteem, but begin the process and improvement.
Just remember that success never comes easily and that is why determination is its counterpart. Oftentimes, one gets to the brink of success and with just a little disappointment or setback, they lose heart and give up too easily and too soon. Breath for confidence – don’t take breathing for granted, how we breathe has powerful physiological and psychological effects. You have to seriously decide either to remain in a miserable state of low self esteem, or acquire self esteem improvement and develop a high self esteem with good character and self image.
A low self esteem could begin way back in childhood when children are made to believe that they are worthless. If that was your experience, it is time you cut yourself loose from that mindset and do self esteem improvement.
Many decided to override their low self esteem and improve their attitude, whatever it took. You must believe that you are worth much more than you think or you will remain at the foot of the ladder and never make an attempt to climb it.
Smiling does not only make you feel more happy and positive it also increases self confidence, as it releases endorphins and seratonin which help with motivation.
Tagged  how to build your self esteem, how to get self esteem, improving self esteem, Motivational Word, Self Esteem Issue. But once you're aware of it, and know that the way you think is up to you, you can begin to change the way you think. Do you often compare yourself with others and come up feeling less accomplished or less talented?
If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that you can change (like getting to a healthy weight), start today. Tutor a classmate who's having trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walkathon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Without it, you will find yourself quite stuck in life, unable to move forward and quite likely to slip lower and lower into what could even turn into depression.
If others then turn you down, you know that you would not have been compatible anyway, because it would mean their values would be in opposition to yours. It’s time we identify this negative thinking and recognize that the messages we receive are not always absolute truths. With this new information and perspective, we can unscramble our scrambled sense of self and reclaim our lives.
So when you hear those negative false thoughts negative pop up, you can immediately counter them with some positive true thoughts about yourself.
It has been very effective in changing negative thought processes in those who have utilized it effectively and consistently. Once you know that you’re not alone in your struggle, it becomes easier to cope with whatever’s troubling you. Choose an issue that has personal meaning to you—whether that be working with children, the poor, or others who are disenfranchised. Often movies and TV shows project a reality that is very disconnected from the average person’s life, and it only serves to make many of us feel inferior.
Sometimes we will stay silent about issues we believe in or avoid standing up for ourselves so that we don’t rock the boat.


Embrace who you really are, and don’t listen to what others try to detract from that or make you into someone you’re not (i.e.
When you find yourself acting differently because you’re afraid of what other people might think or say, check in with yourself about what’s going on and make a choice about how to act. In her free time, Shannon enjoys reading, writing, jamming out to ’80s music and Zumba, and she will go to great lengths to find the perfect enchilada. It can only drive you into depression, anger, grudge, fear and all the other evils that it generates. Important lesson on how to improve confidence and self esteem: Do not let a low self esteem ruin your life. For a woman, family, peer support, reflected appraisals and family relationships may be the most important determiners of self esteem.
Quick tip on how to improve self esteem in women: when wearing perfume women feel more confident in business, social and romantic situations a study found. Advice on gain self-confidence in adults: Think the right way and be determined to win, and win you will. Best ways to beat your nerves is to learn some breathing, relaxation or meditation techniques. Their self confidence is eroded and they succumb to the idea that they can never achieve success in anything that they do. Start reading about the life of successful persons and you will soon discover that many of them had such low self esteem that they could not even complete an elementary education. Next time you catch yourself dwelling on problems or complaints about yourself or your day, find something positive to counter it.
When you can see that what you do makes a difference, it builds your positive opinion of yourself, and makes you feel good. Thoughts like these can set you on a path to low self-esteem because they focus on what's not perfect instead of making the best of what is. If you don’t think you are good enough, you will struggle to get a job and you will struggle to build meaningful relationships. You could make a third list with things you want to achieve (getting a promotion, becoming a home owner, going on vacation and so on), but only if you are able to transfer these to one of your three original lists quite quickly.
For a man, feelings of mastery, self-actualization and academic performance may be more important for males. You don?t need to go to the gym or lift weights, simply do some knee bends, push-ups or dips at home regularly, a few minutes every day will do. Imagine yourself as wonder woman or superman – act as if you were self confident already and you will increase your self esteem.
They were picked on, laughed at, pushed around, called ugly names, and treated with disdain.
To help your child, divide large tasks into smaller, more manageable ones to ensure success, mastery, and retention.
If you think, "I won't audition for the play because I probably won't get the lead," it's guaranteed that role will go to someone else.
Still, I'll keep playing because I enjoy it." helps you accept yourself and make the best of the situation.
Obsessing about our "flaws" can really skew your opinion of yourself and bring down your self-esteem. Spend time with the people you care about, do the things you love, and focus on what's good. If you constantly have an air of thinking that someone else is more deserving or worthy, you will quickly find yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hence, you must stop trying to compare yourself to others, finding things that they are better at than you. If you're in the habit of thinking self-critically, re-train yourself by rewording these negative unkind thoughts into more helpful feedback.
Instead of thinking, "I always mess up" remind yourself that it's not about always, just this specific situation. However, as much as we all know this to be true, building self esteem is about more than just flicking a switch. As attractive as this may seem, they may have had to sacrifice their family life for this, or perhaps they even have a substance abuse problem to keep them going. Everybody has negatives in their lives as well, and you shouldn’t focus on their positives and see them as something that is lacking in your own life.



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