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Nine master teachers, nine wisdom traditions, two 9-day residentials, one journey of the human spirit into the direct experience of living awake. Religion is often about who’s in and who’s out, creating a worldview steeped in “us against them.” Spirituality rejects this dualism and speaks of us and them.
Religious institutions that do harm are those that insist you surrender your will to them, rather than to God. Frightening people with sin and threatening them with eternal damnation is meant to keep people in line. I would need to know so much more before answering your question directly, but I would offer two points: First, nothing happens to you.
Spiritual practice often calls upon us to surrender the self, but people suffering from trauma or abuse need to build the self up, rather than tear it down. I have been reading your column and this magazine for several years, and I’m so blessed by what I read. I won’t presume to know your specific situation, but in general, people who can forgive others but not themselves are often people who think way too much of and about themselves. This innovative text sheds light on how people work -- why they sometimes function well and, at other times, behave in ways that are self-defeating or destructive. Addictions keep us from seeing ourselves as a manifestation of God the way a wave is an extension of an ocean.


Religion is often about getting people to conform to the beliefs and mores of those who run the religion. How can I get comfortable with myself and learn to accept what’s happened to me in my life? The author presents her groundbreaking research on adaptive and maladaptive cognitive-motivational patterns and shows: * How these patterns originate in people's self-theories* Their consequences for the person -- for achievement, social relationships, and emotional well-being* Their consequences for society, from issues of human potential to stereotyping and intergroup relations* The experiences that create themThis outstanding text is a must-read for researchers in social psychology, child development, and education, and is appropriate for both graduate and senior undergraduate students in these areas. Moving beyond addiction leads us to the greatest freedom we can know: the freedom to be who we are — creative agents for justice and compassion. When a religion insists it speaks for God and asserts that by rejecting it, you are rejecting God, it is a danger to everyone. We would be better served if our religions could uncover, cultivate, and support our capacity for justice and kindness, rather than harp on our failures. Why you are here is to cultivate the self in such a way as to be a more effective vehicle of the Self and in this way, make your world more just, loving, meaningful, and holy. If you need a church, make sure it is one that points beyond itself to a God of love, justice, and personal autonomy and freedom.
Authentic spirituality heals the traumatized self by opening it to the divine Self, and then releases the healed self to make the world more godly. If you need clergy, make sure they free you for God, rather than chain you to themselves and their view of God.


Saying that things happen to you implies that there is a you separate from the happening — a you who should be married, who should have kids, who should be successful — but this is only fantasy. There is no need to surrender or abandon the self, only the need to place it in its proper relationship with Self. I speak with her daily, and feel blessed and humbled as she mirrors back to me the madness of my life, and encourages me to move beyond it.
Second, to be comfortable with yourself, you have to know who the “me” is that needs to be comfortable. Are there two “yous,” one who is unmarried, without kids, and poor, and another who needs to be comfortable with this state of affairs? As long as you are split this way you will always be uncomfortable, even if you marry, have children, and become wealthy.



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