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About Lori DescheneLori DescheneĀ is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. DisclaimerThis site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The wives are so petrified the husbands will leave that they turn themselves inside out to try to make sure that there is nothing in their behaviour that the husband could object to. Now, I have spoken at length in this blog about how you have to learn to show your spouse love in their language, and how we need to make sure that we are loving our spouses, even if they are not showing us love. My mother, for instance, when she was married, tolerated really horrible behaviour on the part of my dad, because she was so scared of being left alone.
When you bend over backwards and try so hard to become what the other person wants, you cease being yourself. A truly intimate marriage relationship is based on two individuals who can cling to each other, confide in each other, talk to one another, and feel like partners. Stop bending over backwards, and show them what it will be like if they follow through and leave. Protect yourself and keep your self-respect, because a person cannot fall in love again with someone who has become a doormat and who no longer values herself.
God hates divorce, but where Christians err is that we often think that the proper response then when a spouse starts talking about divorce is to try to do everything possible to appease that spouse. When we love inappropriately, by allowing people to walk all over us, we actually encourage them to go further from God.
Now I know this is controversial, and I know there is a thin line between pushing someone away and calmly showing consequences.

31 Days to Great Sex is here (only $4.99!) It's the best $5 you'll ever spend on your marriage! Join over 23,000 people who receive my monthly marriage newsletter--and get a FREE COPY of my eBook, 36 Tips to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage. Sheila Wray Gregoire is a Christian author of 8 books and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences.
To strengthen your relationships, get her new book, Tiny Buddha's 365 Tiny Love Challenges. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up! Their husbands blame the wives for everything, but are unwilling to do anything to grow the marriage (date nights, counseling, even just communicating). His central thesis was this: the whole way we do marriage counseling is backwards, because in the vast majority of troubled marriages, only one person is willing to work on things. They believe that they can keep daydreaming about leaving, and threatening to leave, and talk about being unhappy, because you’ll sit there and take it and bend over backwards to try to satisfy them. We need to show people that if they leave, life will be difficult, but they need to make a choice. I know we are called to be gracious and to forgive, but I also don’t believe we were called to tolerate indecision or evil. Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below.

Today I want to talk about keeping your self-respect in marriage when your husband is treating you badly. She has since become such a strong, wise woman of God, so God brought tremendous good out of a bad period of our life.
We may put up with things like affairs, or we stop respecting ourselves or our kids because we don’t want to rock the boat. We need to stop tolerating affairs, or pornography, or flirtations, or addictions, or things which will eventually ruin the marriage anyway.
And remember: the best way to get positive change in a marriage is often through realistic consequences, not by becoming a doormat! So if you have any pointers on how to walk that fine line, and do what’s right, please leave a comment! Instead, they act miserable, constantly threaten to leave, and even text other women or flirt with other people. If you are replying to another commenter, please be polite and don't assume you know everything about his or her situation.
Sheila Wray Gregoire owns the copyright to all comments and may publish them in whatever form she sees fit. She agrees to keep any publication of comments anonymous, even if you are not anonymous on this board.

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