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This is as good a place as any to say huge thanks to the members of the wonderful No Homers Club forum, who helped naming the last few people I didn't know - particularly Jamie, Cash Kerouac, Mr Johannson, and headintheclouds87.
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What we found is that while there are other contenders for the title of worst film,A none is more versatile and far-reaching in its crappiness. By the time of the unveiling of the phallic Batmobile (Chicks dig a CAR!a€? Robin whines, giving a forlorn look to his less well-endowed ride), only a couple of minutes have elapsed, but we are already certain that all past bad press about this film was richly deserved. As Robin races out of the Batcave, Alfred gives a look of what appears to at first be fatherly disapproval of him going too fast, but later turns into the kind of grimace you make when youa€™ve just vomited in your mouth.
We are then exposed to the hockey fight scene at the icy Gotham Museum of Art, as Batman and Robin battle the evil Mr. The Governator unleashes a barrage of one-liners that are a bucket of ice water to comedya€™s head, and several Berlitz courses short of being understandable: (When asked for mercy) Freeze: MURRRCY!? Before these terrible lines have had a chance to properly sink in, ita€™s off to the a€?mysterious Gilgamesh wing of Dr Woodruea€™s laira€?, a non sequitur spouting over-actor of Al Pacino stubbing his toe proportions. Silverstonea€™s character is introduced as Alfreda€™s niece fresh from studying inA England.
George Clooney and Chris Oa€™Donnell make one miss the repartee and natural screen chemistry of Adam West and Burt Ward.
Meanwhile Robin comes across as a jealous, ungrateful little turd, who should realize he owes a debt he can never repay to this generous benefactor who rescued him from the life of a carny orphan.


The writer of the above quoted rubbish went on to win an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, and apparently Joel Schumacher is famous because he once made a good film.
If only Mr Freeze and Poison Ivy succeeded early on a€“ say at about the five-minute mark a€“ inA offing the heroesA and destroying the world. A bored Shark Guy was channel surfing in search of just the right televisual distraction to accompany a bottle of Olde English and some stale chips.
But he stayed with it, somehow concluding that he was saving money by watching this free broadcast of a film he hadna€™t seen in theaters and wouldna€™t seek out on video even if the only alternative was one of the latter installments of the Police Academy series.
Obviously the director thought this shot sequence a keeper as it wasA regurgitated later on when Batgirl first dons the cape and cowl. In a film full of third-tier 1960s, corny Batman villains a€“ the Mad Hatter must have been asking for too high a share in the merch revenue a€“ the one modern baddie included is given a throw-away role, as a kind of shorter, but more muscular Frankenstein monster without the same flair for speech. Also appearing as an Arkham Asylum guard in a mercifully short role is Jesse Ventura who has slid down the respectability scale over the years, going from pro-wrestler to politician and now lead mouthpiece for crackpot conspiracy theories. She doesna€™t have an accent, but has somehow been trained as a ninja and hasA Robbie Knievel’s ability to rally-race motorcycles and not get killed performing dangerous leaps. Watching mother earth go under a deep freeze and mutant plants gobbling up people for 120 minutes would have been a welcome relief. Twinkies are aimed at kids, doesn’t mean you should let them eat a dozen of them everyday.
Currently the characters are not listed in any sensible order (actually it's the order I drew the hotspots on the image map), but you can have fun trying to match them all - I'll get round to ordering them eventually! He came across it a€“ a rare case of an unscrambled film on Viewera€™s Choice, a pay-per-view channel showing movies just out of theater, as well as a heady mix of boxing, wrestling and porn (as well as the odd, inexplicable production involving Farrah Fawcett painting landscapes with her bare bottom).
He had just seen it a€“ excepting low-budget and indie films and those made by terrorists to communicate demands, BatmanA & Robin is the worst movie ever made. Or My Mom Will Shoot often make a€?worst film evera€? lists, but they are merely efforts by established screen legends to venture outside their limited ranges or publicity stunts to advance a musical career (Glitter, the Elvis oeuvre).
To test this and to really determine our personal loyalties to this site and what we are willing to sacrifice on its behalf, we revisited BatmanA & Robin.


Physically ill following the filma€™s a€?Fancy Fetish Housea€? opening sequence, he is on his death bed just hoping the suffering will soon be over by the middle of it and only comes around when ita€™s certain that the closing credits are drawing near. Ita€™s clear here a€“ the ice battles in Strange Brew are more convincing a€“ that the viewera€™s intellect is going to take a high stick. Along with the former mat grapplers, the film also features a Potemkin village worth of former models a€” Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Elle Macpherson, and Vendela Kirsebom Thomessen. She is also a computer genius, as evidenced by her opening gambit attempting to crack the password on her uncle Alfreda€™s computer a€“ her first guess is a€?Alfreda€?, which is worse than Spaceballsa€™ top-secret entry code to the planet Druidia’s atmospherea€”1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Kids movies today are a scourge in society, parents are too lazy to investigate and make sure they are actually worth someones time. It was BatmanA & Robin, the latest in the Caped Crusader franchise, and it was shown at a time when critical condemnation did not often reach this particular Shark Guya€™s ears. Years later, Empire Magazinea€™s readers would concur a€“ the film receivedA triple the votes of its nearest competitor on their list of worst films of all time. Here he wears a hat and an overcoat and doubles as Umaa€™s chauffeur (On an unrelated sidenote, the guy who played Bane, pro-wrestler Jeep Swenson, was introduced to WCW wrasslina€™ fans upon his debut as a€?The Final Solutiona€?, later changed to a€?Ultimate Solutiona€? when the Nazi connotations were made clear to company execs). Guy, no.a€?) George Clooney has never been so casually and unapologetically George Clooney. Likewise, others are disposables meant to cash in on a demographic a decade out of diapers and for which expectations should be ratcheted down a prioria€”anything that contains a€?moviea€? in the title for exampleA (Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Date Movie, etc). He looks like he realized early on during the filming of this one just what a shaming debacle it would become and decided to save his emoting gas for ER. It’s worthless trash right up there with Shrek, Madagascar,Ice Age, Alvin and the Chipmunks and the rest of that toothless tripe.



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