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admin 07.02.2014

While there are situations to be quite forceful about setting boundaries, like the beginning stages of a date rape, in low danger situations you’ll get better results if you avoid hurting the other person’s feelings.  One way to do this is to use the “magic formula” which goes “I feel ______ when you ______. First, decide how you feel when this friend, relative, or coworker does the offending behavior, whether it is inappropriate physical contact or something else (embarrassed, uncomfortable, weird or “like I’m doing something I shouldn’t”). If you’re ready to get more serious, mention that if anyone touches them, or asks to be touched by them, in a way they think is creepy they should refuse and tell another adult about it later. Marcy Shoberg is the creator of “Bring Out Your Inner Bodyguard in Two Weeks or Less” home study course for adults and seniors.

Then, think of a replacement behavior they might accept like a handshake, high-five, or speaking from a distance.
When you talk to them, remember to stick to your message and avoid a defensive reaction by acting like you have a strange need for personal space rather than like they behave wrongly. If they start telling you about a creepy thing that happened to them, show support but not surprise, and don’t help them explain it. Finally, choose a good time to talk to the touchy person, tell them how you feel, and ask if they could do the replacement.

For example, don’t teach them new names for body parts.   Just listen and then say you have a friend who knows what to do about these situations and call your local sexual assault recovery services.

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