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Codependency in relationships is usually rooted in children of alcoholic or other addictive parents.
The addicted individual -- whether addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, rage, food, sex, work, drama, or whatever -- goes through a predictable cycle commonly referred to as the addiction cycle.
Codependency in Relationships - Outer World You may notice the outer-cycle of public behavior rotates in the opposite direction of the inner-cycle of self talk -- from Victim to Persecutor to Rescuer and back to Victim again. I have coined the term “co-narcissism” for this adaptation, which has the same relation to narcissism as “co-alcoholic” has to alcoholism and “co-dependent” has to dependency.
July 13, 2010 by Beth Turnage 37 Comments Advertisement: Live Astrology readings – Compatibility horoscopes and reports available NOW!Do you put the welfare of others before your own self-interests?
Despite the fact that it is not listed as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association, co-dependency is considered by a good many health care professionals as an emotional health, if not a mental health, issue. Codependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and quality of life. Neptune in energetic connection (aspect) to one of the above planets, especially the other water sign moons, Cancer and Scorpio. Astrologically modern Western astrologers associate the planet Neptune with idealism and compassion, but also with illusion, confusion and deception; with religions, spirituality and mysticism, the mass media, creativity in art and music, drugs, extreme sensitivity, fantasy and imagination, psychic phenomena and altered mental states. Neptune, being one of the outer planets, operates at a different level than a personal planet. In the tangle of human relationships, the challenge for the Neptunian marked soul is to learn where to put their considerable talents. Beth Turnage is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. About Beth TurnageBeth Turnage is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. I used to think that everyone COULD tune in to, and really FEEL, the emotions of others, but that many people were just too self absorbed in their own personal dramas to be in touch with empathy.
Thanks to this sixth sense it always comes about that the person who was attempting to use me for their benefit only ends up slandering my name or hating me. My most recent ex said that I’m a person who gets others to become co-dependent on me only to snatch the rug from underneath them.
Luckily, my sun is conjunct uranus, so’s I have a little bit of an independent streak. The problems mostly arises from this Mars square that in energetic means makes my Mars sometimes allmost unusable.
Denotes an ability of allmost infectious philosophical approach to others, and in your public work. A need to somehow validate this ability, or is likely to be going contrastep against the owner. There is a strong Pisces trait stated there, but in it’s most positive outcome, if you know how to manage it. Neptune in 9 trine AC says that you’re immensely inspired by knowledge, and you like in return to spread this infectious inspiration of yours.
Co-dependency is a set that need at least two parts to manifest, and none of us is that powerless as it often appears to be . When you’re tracking a specific energy that works through an individual within the composite method, you do that by loking at a Davison xomposite chart.
The standard composite method shows the quality of energy that are aroused by your interaction. Mars is not just sex, it is phisical ineraction with the world at large, and you two are there indeed, most strongly marked by Neptunic influences, but by itself i cant say if it’s inhibiting or not.
Now if the woman is represented by the Moon in the composite (or progressed composite), then I am in for a big whammy-O in this relationship, you think? Nonetheless, it is remarkable to feel so strongly about someone who isn’t even my type, far from it.
Just goes to show, careful whom you date, you have no control over who you fall in love with.
In terms of reliance, knowing how to read the charts is, well, allmost preciselly as knowing how to read the watch, and relying uppon that enables you to calibrate yourself emotionaly. I strongly belive in astrology as a sience (not only, but there it goes), not a coincidence that my natal Neptune is in Capricorn lol ?? But, we enthusiastics today have a pretty hard time coming on clear therms with it, somwhere is deliberate missinformation, otherewhere the knowledge is lost. Think is a wise advice here to all capital astrologers, to refrain oneself from destructive sentences, if oneself cannot find the strength or ability to offer constructive approach, you cant count the victims of collateral dammage. If the other person fails to follow through on their promises to you within a reasonable time frame and regularly makes excuses for themselves, then they are using you for their own comfort. What about the Quincunx (inconjunct) and Sesquadrate for Neptune – Sun, or Neptune Moon? Because when i look at my friends and acquaintances and family a lot of them have aspects to neptune. Who are the persons then “neptiuan codependent people” have bad relationships with? We are both being a little more self assretive in our 4th year we really honor and respect eachother as individuals and what that means to our union. Feel free to leave a comment below, or scroll down a bit to comment using your Facebook identity.
Year-End Musings from Jeff, the Publisher Sasstrology on iPhone and Android: Your Feedback Welcome Are You Following Us on Facebook and Twitter?
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You can make significant strides in overcoming codependency by developing new attitudes, skills, and behavior.
Many of the narcissist’s coping mechanisms are abusive–hence the term, “narcissistic abuse.” However, someone can be abusive, but not be a narcissist.
Research has well-established the link between good self-esteem and relationship satisfaction. A person’s initial level of self-esteem prior to the relationship predicts partners’ common relationship satisfaction. A UCLA study confirms that sensitivity to emotional pain resides in the same area of the brain as physical pain – they can hurt equally.
Loneliness is associated with living alone, which surveys indicate has steadily risen to 27 percent in 2013 and to 50 percent and higher in parts of Florida, West Virginia, and especially California. Dysthymia or chronic depression is a common symptom of codependency; however, many codependents aren’t aware that they’re depressed. It can trigger a full-blown fight-flight-or-freeze response of our sympathetic nervous system that prepares us to meet real danger; however, a big difference between fear and anxiety is that because anxiety is an emotional response to something that hasn’t occurred, there is nothing to fight or flee. Passive-aggressive partners are generally codependent, and like codependents, suffer from shame and low self-esteem. If you’re discontented in a relationship or go from one to another or even remain unhappily alone, you may be caught in a worsening cycle of abandonment. Caring about someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. If you like drama, excitement, and intensity, enjoy the ride, because things will never be calm.
Initial attraction stirs up neurotransmitters and hormones that create the excitement of infatuation and a strong desire to be close and sexual with the person. If you grew up being manipulated, it’s harder to discern what’s going on, because it feels familiar. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love.
It’s no secret that those of us in LGBT relationships tend to have strong emotional attachments with our partners, particularly long-term partners. Even when my relationships with these women didn’t work out, I remained connected to them simply because I was tired of people coming and going out of my life. A one-sided relationship where one person is trying to make the relationship work with someone who is not. It is my belief that every relationship, no matter how healthy, exhibits something that someone could call codependent.


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They typically experience moderate-to-severe relationship problems due to their family dynamics.
Below is an example of the Outer-Cycle of experience for the addicted person: In the Victim Corner the addicted person feels victimized externally by the punishments and controlling behavior of their significant others.
Outwardly, codependency in relationships is about others trying unsuccessfully to stop or control the addictive behavior of their friend or family member.
Co-alcoholics unconsciously collaborate with alcoholics, making excuses for them and not confronting them about their problem in an assertive way. It also often involves putting one’s needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. At its core, Neptune speaks about Spirit, that part of us that exists outside of physicality, time or space. Since it is Neptune that guides our actions here, we may delude ourselves, thinking that if we help just a little more, the other person will get that job, overcome that addiction, learn to love. More than just being down and out, these people actively deny responsibility for fixing the problems in their life. She writes an astrology column for a weekly newspaper along the Connecticut shoreline and blogs about astrology at Astrology Media Press.
I just dont know how to overcome it, and periodicly get to isolation and to non relational type of activities. When we speak about ideals we also speak about profound urges of soul that we feel the need to manifested, and to do that we need to work within a larger frame, first, our society, Jupiter,second, Saturn it’s structure and Uranus the interactions.
In compare, if you got a square there, the more challenging one, you would be compelled to manifest this energy in a stable, materialized way, no mather to wich degree would you be on therms with it, it pretty much forces itself uppon ones life. You have to ratify the whole chart to see do that have the ability to play out constructively or othervise.
May be the nodes aspect the angles, but allso you have to look what house they fall in, the sign and so on. Astrology is not there to doom you with sentences, but rather, to give an soulfull advice, or at least, that is what i personaly belive.
It’s advicable to allways think twice when dealing with prepacked interpretations, i personally finded myself missleaded several times at my begginings, and it cost me nervs and time. It is hard to let go, because you see what it needs (a relationship) and if you stop giving it, you know it will fall apart. The Mars connection is important too because that provides the energy needed to set boundaries. If you want to avoid having to enter your name and email every time you post, create an account. To timely receive each new article, subscribe to my blog by clicking the bookmark tab of your browser. Addicts and people with other mental illnesses, such as bi-polar disorder and anti-social personality disorder (sociopathy) and borderline personality disorders are also abusive, as are many codependents without a mental illness.
Self-esteem not only affects how we think about ourselves, but also how much love we’re able to receive and how we treat others, especially in intimate relationships. More specifically, although happiness generally declines slightly over time, this isn’t true for people who enter a relationship with higher levels of self-esteem.
Twenty percent (60 million) of Americans report that loneliness is the source of their suffering. Because the symptoms are mild, most people with chronic depression wait ten years before seeking treatment.Dysthymia doesn’t usually impair daily functioning, but it can make life feel empty and joyless. Depending especially upon our mother’s behavior, as well as later experiences and other factors, we develop a style of attaching that affects our behavior in close relationships. Therefore, tension builds up inside our body, but there is no action we can take to release it. But many of us have a hard time letting go of it and find it difficult to forgive ourselves, even though we may readily forgive others. They’re especially hard on themselves and may suffer from frequent bouts of unrelenting, false guilt. As I wrote in Codependency for Dummies and How to Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits, assertiveness is a prerequisite to setting effective boundaries, and it isn’t easy.
Loss of physical closeness due to death, divorce, and illness is also an emotional abandonment. Following a passionate and immediate beginning, expect a stormy relationship that includes accusations and anger, jealousy, bullying, control, and break-ups due to the borderline’s insecurity. We hide our private lives from friends, co-workers, and even family to cover up the problems created by addiction or alcoholism.
These chemicals and our emotional and psychological make-up can cause us to obfuscate reality and idealize the object of our attraction. Their charm, talent, success, beauty, and charisma cast a spell, along with compliments, scintillating conversation, and even apparent interest in you. Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. You might have a gut feeling of discomfort or anger, but on the surface the manipulator may use words that are pleasant, ingratiating, reasonable, or that play on your guilt or sympathy, so you override your instincts and don’t know what to say. They’re evasive, make excuses, or just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. While this can be a wonderful experience in a relationship with healthy boundaries between “self” and “other”, strong emotional attachments can become maddening when codependency is an issue. Specifically; that women in same-sex relationships tend to remain connected and intertwined in each others lives long after break-up.
I think women are naturally communal and are masters at creating families of choice, traits that may save our lives at some point or another. Keep them to yourself because talking only makes things worse and no one cares how you feel anyway. In fact, there are a couple of well known 12-step groups just for them -- Codependents Anonymous & Adult Children of Alcoholics. Their self talk and denial create these feelings and cause a build-up of tension that translates into a good reason to act-out their addictive behavior.In the Persecutor Corner the addicted person's negative external consequences affect everyone close to the them.
Their outer-world of behavior can rotate in either direction or even vacillate rapidly back and forth in either direction. If you have an emergency, call 911, other local emergency contact, your local emergency room, or law enforcement agency.
The same is true of the co-dependent person, who makes excuses for the other’s dependency and fills in for him or her as necessary. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships. Yet for someone with a Neptunian signature, it can be hard to know the difference between someone who needs some support and someone who is taking advantage.
With a trine you can be pretty much in control, but control is not the point here – excange, interaction and mutual (fusion) are.
It can be overbearing though, and the inpact it have on your fused Sun consciousnes is huge. Whatever house you share in the composite is highlighted by your togetherness and has no meaning whatsoever apart. Any Neptune-Moon connection will definitely correlate with difficulty setting emotional boundaries. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from experiencing a fire to emotional neglect. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. As the narcissist’s criticism, demands, and emotional unavailability increase, their confidence and self-esteem decrease. But the steepest decline is for people whose self-esteem was lower to begin with.[1] Frequently, those relationships don’t last. Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction.


If we have increased sensitivity to physical pain, we’re more vulnerable to feelings of rejection.
In fact, our emotional reaction to rejection emanates from the area of our brain (the dorsal anterior cingulated) that also responds to physical pain. The anxiety we feel when we don’t know the whereabouts of our child or of a missing loved one during a disaster, as in the movie “The Impossible,” isn’t codependent.
Although both men and women may abuse others, an enormous number of women are subjected to emotional abuse. You may be experiencing abuse, but not realize it, because their strategy of expressing hostility is covert and manipulative, leading to conflict and intimacy problems.
It also happens when our emotional needs aren’t being met in the relationship – including in our relationship with ourselves.
It’s an emotion with physical symptoms like any other that comes and goes, but when it’s severe, it can be extremely painful.
You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time and in severe cases on the border between reality and psychosis. Perhaps you were embarrassed when your mate cut in front of the line or shuddered at the dismissive way he or she treated a waitress. Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering, as if the person has your highest concern in mind, but in reality it’s to achieve an ulterior motive. Codependents have trouble being direct and assertive and may use manipulation to get their way. As a lesbian woman with children who has dated other lesbian women with children, I can testify that letting go is not always easy, especially when your children were playmates and you’ve become a part of their family or they have become a part of yours. If you find that your relationship does have codependent elements, it’s not the end of the world.
The wife of an abusive husband who takes the blame for her partner’s behavior is another example of taking responsibility for someone else’s problems. Viewed from the perspective of immortality, the brief sojourns we have on earth are important tools for growth. It is as hard for us to fathom that notion as it is for others to understand that there are people that have Neptunian abilities.
Here is the guideline to follow when trying to figure out how much to invest yourself: If the other person fails to follow through on their promises to you within a reasonable time frame and regularly makes excuses for themselves, then they are using you for their own comfort. Childhood events had a greater impact on you then than they would today, because you didn’t have coping skills that an adult would have. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the facade they show the world and their shame-based self. Despite their pleas and efforts, the narcissist appears to lack consideration for their feelings and needs. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your relationships.
Moreover, love stimulates such strong feel-good neuro-chemicals that rejection can feel like withdrawal from a drug, says anthropologist Helen Fisher. Anxiety is typically characterized by obsessive worry and an inability to concentrate that may affect our sleep.
Your fury is theirs, while they may calmly ask, “Why are you getting so angry?” and blame you for the anger they’re provoking.
And although loss of physical closeness can lead to emotional abandonment, the reverse isn’t true. Your illness distorts your perceptions causing antagonistic behavior and making the world a perilous place. Other times, it’s veiled hostility, and when abusive methods are used, the objective is merely power.
They’re also easy prey for being manipulated by narcissists, borderline personalities, sociopaths, and other codependents, including addicts. Relationships can be improved when BOTH partners are open, honest and committed to working through it. Both narcissism and co-narcissism are adaptations that children have made to cope with narcissistic parenting figures.
However, the day-to-day minutiae, whether that hot guy says hello to us at the water cooler or not, for instance, are non-issues. Clinicians call Neptunian emotional fluidity “hyperawareness of other’s emotions” and considers this a symptom of codependency. Continuing to take care of such person will rightly earn you the label of being co-dependent. As a consequence of growing up in a dysfunctional family environment, codependents often suffer further trauma due to relationships with other people who may be abandoning, abusive, addicted or have mental illness. Over time, they become deeply hurt and frustrated.  When the narcissist is a parent, by the time their children reach adulthood, the emotional abandonment, control, and criticism that they experienced growing up has negatively affected their self-esteem and capacity for achieving success or sustaining loving, intimate relationships. Frantic calls and searching are considered “protest behavior,” like a baby fretting for its mother.
We feel exposed and want to hide or react with rage, while feeling profoundly alienated from others and good parts of ourselves. The pain and terror of abandonment and feeling unwanted can be so great that  suicide feels like a better choice.
As the addict becomes more irresponsible, we pick up the slack and do more, often becoming the sole functioning parent or even the sole provider; yet we’re unable to lean on our partner for comfort or support. Endless analyzing doesn’t help or change our feelings, because we’re often driven by forces outside our conscious awareness. The relationship revolves around them, and you’re expected to meet their needs when needed, and are dismissed when not. In the Rescuer Corner There is typically significant codependency in relationships with parents, children, spouses, siblings, employers, friends, and clergy. To the best of my knowledge, every narcissistic and co-narcissistic person that I have encountered has had narcissistic parents, and the parents of their parents are reported to have been even more highly narcissistic. Spirit has a natural tendency to help and comfort, like angels are said to do at our times of crisis. This gap is true for other codependents, as well, but a narcissist uses defense mechanisms that are destructive to relationships and cause pain and damage to their loved ones’ self-esteem. They don’t suffer the same sense of abandonment caused by the unwanted loss of a partner through a break-up, divorce, or death. And even if our guilt is “true”–that we’ve morally transgressed, we’re still worthy and capable of forgiveness. We may not be able to think or talk clearly and be consumed with self-loathing, which is made worse because we’re unable to be rid of ourselves. Fluctuating dramatically between idealizing and devaluing you, they may suddenly and sporadically shift throughout the day. Meanwhile, we rescue him or her from disasters, medical emergencies, accidents, or jail, make excuses for no-shows at work and family gatherings, and patch up damaged property, relationships, and self-inflicted mishaps. My focus is on alcoholism, but many of the feelings partner’s experience are the same, regardless of the type of addiction. And when the person tries to resist, the subconscious mind applies more pressure to act-out by creating obsessions (unwanted thoughts) followed by compulsion (unwanted behavior).
They can all play the Rescuers as they try unsuccessfully to "get through" to the addicted person by bailing them out of trouble, loaning them money, making excuses and covering up the problems. Those of us with an extra helping of Neptune or Pisces in our chart are naturally inclined towards compassion with a strong desire to help others.
We may also endure financial hardship, criminality, domestic violence, or infidelity due to the addict’s behavior. In the Rescuer Corner the compulsion is given into as a means of rescuing self from the discomfort.
Big and Carrie Bradshaw) disguises your problem, keeping you in denial of your own unavailability.



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