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The whole point of a casual relationship is getting laid but before that happens you need to successfully get through your first date. First date ideas can be tricky because you need to choose one that will help end the night in the perfect way.
If youa€™ve ever read a€?The Rulesa€? by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, you probably already know all the advice women are given about dating. Dating has never been easy and over the course of human history women have been told how to behave on a date, how not to behave on a date, and what to do to catch a man. No longer are we in a world where communication is limited and women are expected to stay at home, clean the house, and raise the children while their husbands earn the pay. However, no matter how much times change, there is always dating etiquette to be followed in the search for Mr.
To be clear, successfully does not mean a€?catching a millionairea€? or tricking your date into following you around like a lovesick puppy. The dating game has changed immensely over the past few decades, and wea€™ve entered a new era of computer matches, equality of the sexes and a mixture of traditions blended between the old and the new. Our parents might warn us not to try online dating, however, because there are so many people in the world today. Another big question asked by potential daters is if ita€™s okay to date your frienda€™s ex. The truth is, no matter what rules youa€™ve heard or what advice youa€™ve been given, dating a frienda€™s ex will be tricky (especially if they had sex).
Go through the mental checklist before you date your frienda€™s ex, and speak to both of them openly and honestly before heading out on that first date.
If, on the other hand, neither of these situations applies to you and youa€™ve just happened to meet a nice guy at work, at the grocery store, or out on the town, how do you proceed from there?
Any dating rule book or motherly advice given is going to tell you to wait for him to ask you out because a€?a lady never makes the first move.a€? Once again, this advice is horribly outdated.
According to John DeVore at the Frisky, the gender roles are very blurred right now and men really do think ita€™s perfectly okay for a woman to ask them out. Just about a generation ago, women had stricter social rules to follow, but ita€™s important to remember that men did, too. If youa€™re going to ask a shy guy out, ita€™s best if you take a a€?double datea€? approach. The next big first date question, after youa€™ve established that youa€™re going on a date, is where to go and who pays? Traditionally speaking, the man has always been the one to fork over his credit card and take care of the bill. Any woman and man of previous generations will tell you that a guy should always pay for the date.
However, if you ask a guy to dinner and he doesna€™t pick up the bill, then ita€™s a matter of personal taste. Who pays is dependent upon the individual, but one thing is a definite in the dating world: You can always offer to pay by simply pointing at the check and then making eye contact with him when the bill comes and saying a€?how should wea€¦?a€? (he will know youa€™re asking how to split the bill). When it comes time for that big first date, there are plenty of places to go and each has their pros and cons. On the downside, coffee shops have a lot of traffic, so therea€™s a decent chance youa€™ll run into someone you know (which can turn into a lot of awkward questions or embarrassing stories).
On the downside, you wona€™t be doing a lot of talking, which means you and your guy arena€™t really getting to know each other.
Also, if youa€™re going out and having drinks on the first date make sure you dona€™t drink so much that youa€™re impaired to drive home. While these are some excellent first date choices, there are still some places to cross off your list.
When it comes time for your first date, there are certain standards about how you should dress. While you certainly dona€™t have to dress like a nun, you do need to dress in a way that conveys your real intent for the night. Men naturally respond to confident women, and beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder. Whether youa€™re in jeans and a sweater or a flowing sundress, your best asset and most important accessory is going to be your personality. One of the most worrisome aspects of that first date is whether or not youa€™ll have a second date. However, if youa€™re really interested in the guy youa€™re going on your date with, then ita€™s important to keep him interested in you, too.
There are plenty of places and people that will tell you that all guys look for the same thing in a woman.
Too many people assume they have to change who they are, or even worse, lie about their interests, in order to catchy the eye of the opposite sex. If you have to pretend to be someone youa€™re not, or you have to trick him or play games with him to keep his attention, then hea€™s not worth it and youa€™re doing yourself a serious injustice. On the other hand, there are definite things that you should talk about that will keep him interested and have his attention. If you ask men what to talk about on a first date, and then ask women what to talk about, the answers are likely to be different. Women are usually advised to a€?be themselvesa€? and yet be a€?fascinating and mysterious,a€? to talk about their ideas and dreams and even their feelings. No matter what conversations take place, if hea€™s worth dating he will ask you questions in return to try and get to know you as well.
It can generally be said that both men and woman agree on what not to talk about on a first date. There are sometimes, of course, subjects that arise unintentionally and you end up having a conversation about your past and comforting each other as humans who have shared some life experience.
While a lot of people frown upon this, the truth is it can be very relieving to be on a date with someone who has a past similar to (or at least just as troubled as) yours. If your date mentions he went through a bad divorce and doesna€™t date often, ita€™s okay to say that you also had a bad divorce and you understand his feelings.
If the conversation becomes awkward, ita€™s okay to change it and move onto something else.
Regardless of what youa€™re talking about, there are always red flags and you need to know when you should call it a night. Anything suggesting he has a violent or obsessive past, anything that suggests hea€™s going to sponge off you for the rest of his life, or anything that suggests he could be trying to convert you to his political or religious beliefs are definite red flags and you should run. Dating in your teens and twenties is much more emotionally charged than dating in your thirties and forties. As you get into your thirties and forties, however, sex is easier to separate from emotions and the stigma is usually lifted.
Therea€™s a chance he might not call you after you have sex, and then therea€™s a chance he might not call you after the date anyway, so really the choice should be based on how you feel about first date sex, how he seems to be responding to you, and whether or not you can handle it if he doesna€™t call. No matter what happens after your first date (be it a hug or sex-filled night), youa€™re probably going to be sitting by your phone for the next few days waiting for him to call you. While there are technically no set a€?rulesa€? for this situation, you should still give a man his time and his pride and allow him to pursue you. Coffee is a safe zone, therea€™s no alcohol involved, which means hea€™s not going to assume ita€™s a booty call and youa€™re not asking him to dinner at your place, which means youa€™re not assuming the two of you are in a relationship. In closing up the first date advice, it should be noted that before any first date you should not be sexting. Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, cana€™t cook, and has a thing for tentacles!


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Being in your twenties may seem like the golden years as a teen, but your mid-twenties are far lessa€¦pleasing.
So this is your first date, and like all other girls, you are scratching your head wondering how to make the first impression with that perfect outfit. If you seriously want your fella to pant at the very first sight, here is a foolproof formula for your special romantic occasion.
When going out for a fancy romantic night out, select a ladylike mini dress with cute details and a touch of glamour. For a cocktail hour, try those daring leather shorts that look sexy and stunning when combined with high heels. A silky dress paired with a rugged jacket makes an amazing combo as an excellent first date outfit for dinner and dancing and your guy will be floored by your chic sense of fashion and style.
For a late evening rendezvous, pick a bright semi sheer tank and a pair with skinny or boot cut jeans to dress up subtly romantic for a first date. The way to make sure that she feels at ease with you can be done by letting her get to know you through the messages you exchange and other communications such as Skype or texts. Since the beginning of time, women have been told all sorts of things regarding a€?how to catch a mana€? and a€?how to properly behave on a date.a€? Most of the time, the advice wea€™re given is useless and wrong. Successful dating means being a lady, being yourself, being safe, and keeping the date going smoothly. Previously, we were taught how to catch a man with our charm (and a few little a€?gamesa€? as well).
There is no guarantee that you will find the man of your dreams online any more than therea€™s a guarantee youa€™ll meet another Ted Bundy online. However, because women and men are both in the workforce working innumerable hours, online dating is much more acceptable than it used to be (and often much easier than trying to meet someone a€?by chancea€?).
Ita€™s important to remember that sex creates an intimacy between two people and that therea€™s a certain bond between lovers that lasts long after theya€™ve stopped sleeping together.
Therea€™s nothing saying you cannot date him, but you do have to consider any negative repercussions. Should you wait and hope hea€™s interested enough to ask you out, or do you put your own fears aside and go for it?
It was not okay for a man to cry or show his feelings, it was not okay for two guys to hang out shopping at the mall, and men did not wear skinny jeans and hug each other.
Women did not call a boy first, they didna€™t stay out past eleven oa€™clock, they didna€™t go to bars alone and they certainly didna€™t ask a guy out for dinner. Still, even in this new blending of gender traditions, there are tactful ways of doing things (which I will discuss later) that ensure you are still keeping ahold of some of the more important gender roles – the ones that are not outdated. There are a number of ways to ask a guy out, but you should consider what kind of guy he is first.
Jeremy Nicholson at Psychology Today, there are a few different methods of asking a guy out first.
Usually manly men are asked out, flirted with, and otherwise tempted on a daily basis by gorgeous women.
Tonight is too soon (he may have plans) and if hea€™s busy tomorrow, and interested in you, he will suggest another day of the week. In fact, even John DeVore at the Frisky says that paying is a€?what dudes do.a€? I tend to agree.
In other words, if you ask a guy out to a baseball game, then youa€™re obligated to buy the tickets for you both.
Some women find that a man should automatically pick up the tab for your date even if youa€™re the one who asked. In fact, many guys look at that in a positive light because youa€™re offering, which is a sign of equality. While you can opt for someplace like the zoo or an amusement park, here are a few tried and true first date hot spots that allow you the chance to leave early if you suddenly decide your prince is really just a frog. Also, youa€™ll be really hyped up on caffeine which means you may not have the ability to form a coherent sentence. On the plus side, you can sit with your date in quiet company and then have something to talk about at the end (the movie). An agreed upon restaurant means you know how to dress, you have the comfort of being in a public place, but still have the seclusion of a private table, and you can take a bite of your meal during those awkward silences. Do not go anywhere that triggers bad emotions (the park where you buried your dog, for instance) and avoid movies that make you cry.
Of course, some if these ideals might seem traditional and outdated, but they are still just as important now as they were fifty years ago.
If youa€™re wearing ripped up jeans and a decade old concert t-shirt to dinner, then youa€™re not dressed appropriately. If youa€™re intention is to just relax and enjoy yourself, then ita€™s important to look relaxed. In general, this is true (personality, attraction, etc.), but on a deeper level ita€™s very, very wrong. Because of that the best, and most important thing, you can do on your date is to just be yourself. What happens on date two or three or four when he says he wants to take you on a plane to Rome for the weekend and youa€™re terrified of flying and hate to travel? Men will advise you to talk about light subjects, focus on your career and your hobbies, or talk about your friends and family. Youa€™ll find that no matter where you go, there are usually a number of topics you and your date can talk about endlessly on.
If he doesna€™t ask you question and just sits there answering yours like ita€™s an interview, then either jump in and tell him about yourself anyway, or find a man who will ask about you. If he mentions hea€™s a recovering alcoholic when you get ready to order your drinks, then go ahead and tell him about your brother or uncle who was also an alcoholic. Most of us are a€?fixer-uppersa€? and we have to take the good with the bad (the past is the past), but you need to know when the past is too much for you to handle and when his past may still be a big part of his present. You dona€™t have to kiss (although the old rule a€?never kiss on the first datea€? is outdated now, many of us still abide by it), but a hug is generally acceptable – especially if things went well. According to Doctor Fredric Neuman, first date sex is usually more acceptable the older you get. Also, because younger generations are still greatly influenced by older generations, there is a certain stigma against women who sleep with a guy on a first date. Do not send him naked pics of yourself (you really dona€™t know this guy), dona€™t mention how hot he makes you (because then he really will only be interested in sleeping with you), and dona€™t respond to any sexts from him before the first date (hea€™s obviously not a quality guy). When Ia€™m not hanging out with my Spawn, Ia€™m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.
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What am I going to wear is often one question that keeps nagging most girls before a nerves-filled first date.
When your date has called you to a trendy restaurant, a subtly sexy fitted dress would do wonders. Pick a faux leather pencil skirt and pair it with an airy tank and strappy sandals, and you have just made yourself more attractive and presentable to your guy! Dress for the Date suggests the little black dress, or a  gorgeously striking red dress are hot favorites with guys.


Dressing up is important, but remember, it’s more about how awesome you feel, how confident you are, and how easily you carry yourself. It’s a low-stress environment, so your date is guaranteed to feel relaxed and comfortable, which is important. If you play your card right not only will you get laid at the end of the first date but she might be willing to have a second one with you. Once you meet she’ll have a pretty good idea of whether or not the night will end at your place and all you have to do is show her that her impression of you is accurate. Getting laid is all about physical contact and you want to get her comfortable with you long before you suggest taking things back to your place. This book is meant to guide you through that very first date, whether ita€™s with a man youa€™ll continue to see or a man you have no desire to ever see again. Now, things have changed and we no longer look to our mothers for advice, seeking out advice from our peers out in the real dating world.
One thing is certain however: Online dating isna€™t nearly as a€?newa€? as people make it out to be.
The only thing you need to remember is that if youa€™re going to try online dating, you will need to use the same kind of precautions as you would if you met a guy at a bar. Because of that intimacy, your best friend could still harbor some unresolved feelings for her ex. Although his article doesna€™t cover every aspect of asking a guy out first, it is a good starting point. Instead of dressing in heels and asking him to have drinks with you tonight in your best sultry voice, a shy guy needs a different approach.
Ita€™s a little (but definitely acceptable) word play to save yourself some embarrassment if hea€™s not interested. In all honesty, no matter what gender traditions have switched in todaya€™s society, a man is still a man and it is not only for his ego, but also his sense of obligation as a man, that he will choose to pay for dinner.
This is perfectly acceptable because asking him to a game (or movie, or any other event) usually implies to him that you have already purchased said tickets and need a partner.
This is a viable option for people who truly believe relationships should be equal and that ita€™s okay for the man or woman to pay. If he says hea€™s got the bill, then he obviously is a firm believer that a man should pay. If youa€™re seeing a scary movie, you can jump and cower in the hopes your hot guy will put his arm around you, or you can gently brush his fingers in the popcorn bowl. Inappropriate dress is a sign of disrespect for both men and women, so ita€™s important to look your best for the place youa€™re going. It is thrilling, exciting, nerve-wrecking, and all kinds of chaotic feelings rolled into one.
If you love fly fishing but cana€™t fathom the thought of flying to Paris for the weekend, then dona€™t pretend to be someone who adores Paris.
I have read numerous books advising women to a€?play the gamea€? and act a certain way (usually heinously) in order to get and keep a guy.
A feeling of empathy and understanding often makes a conversation less awkward and a date easier. Most of the time, even if the conversation is awkward and you and your date are arguing religion and politics, your instincts know whether or not hea€™s a good guy. However, never sleep with a guy if youa€™re even a little unsure, if hea€™s pressuring you, or if youa€™ve had too much to drink.
In order to set your mind at ease and stop sitting by the phone, if he hasna€™t called you in three days you can call him or send him a text and ask if he would like to go have coffee with you tomorrow. If he yes, or says no but makes another definite date with you (not, a€?Maybe another time?a€? because thata€™s still a no), then ita€™s a go for date two.
Combine it with a printed envelope clutch, big earrings, and a pair of bristly peep toe heels to make a bold statement. Make your sexy legs look miles longer with high heels – a perfect match for these occasions. A punchy lip color will do good to emphasize that sex appeal impression, knocking him off his feet.
Having an incredible smile and a radiant personality are enough to impress the real guy on your first date – a completely unpredictable experience! Think of you want the evening to go from start to finish and review your first date ideas until you find one that allows the two of you to check each other out.
Give her small touches during the date like touching her arm when you speak or lightly touching her back when the two of you are walking side by side. Ita€™s not a a€?how to catch a mana€? book and ita€™s not your mothera€™s advice, it is real advice for the modern woman in the dating world, expertly given through real experience. Be cool, be casual, look casual but cute (cute is always equated to approachable and harmless), and suggest a movie with a group of friends, but ask him when you have him alone. First, you can appeal to his humorous side and make witty jokes whenever you see him, then in the midst of mutual laughter confidently (confidence is key here) invite him out for a drink tonight. If he says hea€™s busy tomorrow and does not suggest another day, hea€™s just not interested.
Other women feel that ita€™s okay to pay if you asked him, but he should pay if he asked you on the first date. This is also a very good excuse for him to pick up the tab and ask you out on a second date (in which case, you would be the one paying next time).
Also, coffee shops give you and your date a real chance to chat and get to know each other in a public, yet comfortable, setting. You also get to tell what his taste in movies is, so that gives you more insight into his personality. If he asks you out for a drink and then downs five beers in the course of two hours, therea€™s a good chance you want to skip the second date. That being said, ita€™s just as wrong to wear a cocktail dress and high heels to a baseball game. However, if you have every intention of taking this man back to your place and you dona€™t mind either way if you see him again (which is also a valid reason for a first date), then that leather mini is probably what you want to wear.
This will be a subtle way to make her feel a connection with you which will make her more open to the idea of getting closer to you. Ita€™s important to let him know youa€™re interested in him by saying something like, a€?Ia€™d really like it if you could be there.a€? That way he doesna€™t think youa€™re friend zoning him. A woman whoa€™s being too pushy to pay can be a real turn off and might lose you the chance for a second date. Another bonus is that you can have a coffee shop date any time of the day or night and still make it a good date, or you can leave in a hurry if hea€™s not what you thought hea€™d be.
Alcohol can help free some nervous inhibitions, but you cana€™t trust someone who relies on that much alcohol to relax on a first date. Summer dresses and sandals are great for warm weather, but dona€™t try to be sexy by wearing a low cut short summer dress in the middle of a snowstorm, your date will not think highly of your intelligence. If there’s a moment where it feels natural to do it earlier in the date then go for it. Take advantage of any moment that lets you show her just how much you like her and take it as far as she’s comfortable with.
Give her compliments but make them small ones so she thinks you really mean them and aren’t just trying to get her into bed.




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