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admin 14.09.2013

I made the mistake of giving a guy I’ve never met my phone number via a private message under the pretenses of well, you know, being friends. It started with a friendly hello, some small talk about what we do, Los Angeles, and nothing terribly interesting. I throw in some more small talk because I have literally no idea what to talk to this guy about. This was my effort to be completely clear with this guy, because no one likes to be lead on (even though I did not feel as though I was even doing that to begin with, given my apparent lack of interest). On the 20th, I send the main squeeze a picture of his bed, perfectly made with clean sheets and all. We understand the desire to feel things out, but it saves everybody time and stress when you spell out what you want.
The German word "Fremdscham" doesn't have an English equivalent, but it roughly translates to "embarrassment on somebody else's behalf." Think about that. Unless your crush is your trainer, there is absolutely no need to provide a play-by-play of your gym routine.
You have no idea what’s coming… or you will if you keep reading, you sassy little shit.
This does not justify the photo of the bed and the late phone call, with absolutely no interaction in between.


This is when I decide that maybe Fee is right and I should put this guy on full Thought Catalog blast.
Now, are you ready to get your flirt on in a series of over-thought, awkward and uncomfortable text messages? It comes equipped with miscommunications, social faux-pas and attempts to divine your future prospects through emoji couplings. If you take exactly double the time we took to reply, we will find you and throw our phones at you. It's going to come out eventually that you can't tell the difference between a touchdown and a field goal. I let his textual grammar errors slide before, but now it doesn’t even seem worth it to bear.
I start live-texting Fee with the details to keep him filled in on all the juicy gossip happening in my ever-so-eventful life. I like to think that not every dude that talks to me is trying to get it in, because I’m not that cocky and unrealistic, but COME ON.
Never mind the persistence… hey, if someone doesn’t text you back, definitely text them 12 more times, each of the following days!
He certainly needs some release that real punk rock music at the gym just can’t supply him with.


If you feel I’ve wasted your time, just remember, you clicked this and kept reading to the end. Some of you may remember an earlier piece I did called 20 Signs You Might Be A Stage 5 Clinger… you’d think this kinda thing would happen after meeting once or twice, but no, we have never met. Mind you, at this particular moment, I was with my main squeeze, completely disregarding my phone to enjoy real life 3D happy fun times. Everyone has free will, just as I have the will to type this up at 1am weeks after the fact.
I initially just shared the following screen shots with Rob Fee, especially since this all went down right around the time his Weirdest Person on Facebook post and I thought he could appreciate it. I was actually pretty relieved he didn’t see that this dude called me after 2am that same night, despite the lack of response to the bed photo. Granted, I was doing nothing out of line, but I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea. If you don’t find this funny, you can blame him, because clearly if Rob Fee finds something funny, it is worth sharing with the internet.



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