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We understand the desire to feel things out, but it saves everybody time and stress when you spell out what you want.
The German word "Fremdscham" doesn't have an English equivalent, but it roughly translates to "embarrassment on somebody else's behalf." Think about that. Unless your crush is your trainer, there is absolutely no need to provide a play-by-play of your gym routine. Charlie is a freshman.And while he's not the biggest geek in the school, he is by no means popular. Give us your juiciest, wildest, weirdest and embarrassingest (it’s a word) hook up stories! Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be. All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. So given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy? Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences.
But if someone went to school to learn about how to pick a life partner and take part in a healthy relationship, if they charted out a detailed plan of action to find one, and if they kept their progress organized rigorously in a spreadsheet, society says they’re A) an over-rational robot, B) way too concerned about this, and C) a huge weirdo.
No, when it comes to dating, society frowns upon thinking too much about it, instead opting for things like relying on fate, going with your gut, and hoping for the best.
In other words, people end up picking from whatever pool of options they have, no matter how poorly matched they might be to those candidates. But good old society frowns upon that, and people are often still timid to say they met their spouse on a dating site. For a woman who wants to have biological children with her husband, she has one very real limitation in play, which is the need to pick the right life partner by forty, give or take.
So when you take a bunch of people who aren’t that good at knowing what they want in a relationship, surround them with a society that tells them they have to find a life partner but that they should under-think, under-explore, and hurry up, and combine that with biology that drugs us as we try to figure it out and promises to stop producing children before too long, what do you get? A frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and a lot of people messing up the most important decision of their life. Overly Romantic Ronald’s downfall is believing that love is enough reason on its own to marry someone.
Fear is one of the worst possible decision-makers when it comes to picking the right life partner.
Externally-Influenced Ed lets other people play way too big a part in the life partner decision. The saddest example of this is someone breaking up with a person who would have been the right life partner because of external disapproval or a factor the chooser doesn’t actually care about (religion is a common one) but feels compelled to stick to for the sake of family insistence or expectations. Shallow Sharon is more concerned with the on-paper description of her life partner than the inner personality beneath it.
Everyone has certain on-paper boxes they’d like checked, but a strongly ego-driven person prioritizes appearances and resumes above even the quality of her connection with her potential life partner when weighing things. This person inevitably ends up with at best a super easy-going person, and at worst, a pushover with a self-esteem issue, and sacrifices a chance to be part of a team of equals, almost certainly limiting the potential quality of her marriage.
I love this blog because I like to think I’m a person who is able to see things from many different perspectives and your insights are really refreshing because many times they are new to me. These comments (and many others above and below) really mean a lot—great motivation to keep this going for a long time.
Anyway, you sound relatively young, and without knowing you at all, the best advice I can give you is to slow down in general. On the one hand you talk about contemplating the enormity of the universe and science and biology and how we are ruled by these things. Your whole premise is based on a (SINGULAR) life partner who must meet all these conventional standards. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.


See the funniest YouTube videos, pictures and images online or chat with Smosh readers in our online forums. Now, are you ready to get your flirt on in a series of over-thought, awkward and uncomfortable text messages? It comes equipped with miscommunications, social faux-pas and attempts to divine your future prospects through emoji couplings.
If you take exactly double the time we took to reply, we will find you and throw our phones at you.
It's going to come out eventually that you can't tell the difference between a touchdown and a field goal.
I figured it would be a bunch of Twitter users describing their crush, but it actually turned out to be a bunch of Twitter users tweeting out hilarious memes about their crush that anyone can relate to. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision.
This is logical, because that’s the way you proceed when you want to do something well and minimize mistakes.
The obvious conclusion to draw here is that outside of serious socialites, everyone looking for a life partner should be doing a lot of online dating, speed dating, and other systems created to broaden the candidate pool in an intelligent way. The respectable way to meet a life partner is by dumb luck, by bumping into them randomly or being introduced to them from within your little pool. Our brains can usually override this process if we’re just not that into someone, but for all those middle ground cases where the right move is probably to move on and find something better, we often succumb to the chemical roller coaster and end up getting engaged.
Romance can be a great part of a relationship, and love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage, but without a bunch of other important things, it’s simply not enough. Unfortunately, the way society is set up, fear starts infecting all kinds of otherwise-rational people, sometimes as early as the mid-twenties. The choosing of a life partner is deeply personal, enormously complicated, different for everyone, and almost impossible to understand from the outside, no matter how well you know someone.
There are a bunch of boxes that she needs to have checked—things like his height, job prestige, wealth-level, accomplishments, or maybe a novelty item like being foreign or having a specific talent.
She believes her needs and desires and opinions are simply more important than her partner’s, and she needs to get her way in almost any big decision. He wants a life partner who serves as both his therapist and biggest admirer, but is mostly uninterested in returning either favor. Especially the bits about not using any kind of reason or logic to choose a partner and letting that chemically-induced infatuation dictate your future. This may sound weird, but I believe that you are actually changing things with your posts, helping people, making them (us) think and reflect besides laughing (a lot). When the romance glasses come off, Background incompatibilities such as religion and race start causing so much friction.
There are more than one who has developed happiness and love for themselves and haven’t found or run into a right partner. And yet on the other hand, you stick to a mainstream religious rhetoric about life partners and how important picking the right one is.
Talk About Your Crush NightI can always appreciate a good Freaks & Geeks quote, especially this one.
Fortunately, this stigma is diminishing with time, but that it’s there at all is a reflection of how illogical the socially accepted dating rulebook is.
It makes no sense—the former is one step away from a happy marriage, while the latter must either settle for permanent unhappiness or endure a messy divorce just to catch up to where the single person is. The types of fear our society (and parents, and friends) inflict upon us—fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, sometimes just fear of being judged or talked about—are the types that lead us to settle for a not-so-great partnership. As such, other people’s opinions and preferences really have no place getting involved, other than an extreme case involving mistreatment or abuse. In the end, she doesn’t want a legitimate partnership, she wants to keep her single life and have someone there to keep her company. Each night, he and his partner discuss their days, but 90% of the discussion centers around his day—after all, he’s the main character of the relationship. As a scientist who also has opinions (right?!) it’s so nice to see that folks actually value the integrity of their opinions enough to research as well as concisely explain them.
Lots of people become indoctrinated by Disney at a young age that when you meet your future spouse sparks will fly, you’ll fall in love and then live happily ever after.


Oh how I wish I had the above relationship foresight 20 years ago… and the maturity to make better choices. Society tells us to invest behind education and career and hope that a partner will come along the way. Just because you have the ability to sound smart in a post doesn’t make you knowledgeable or wise.
We all try to rush into forming long-term relationships, but if you just met this person, it is too soon to determine where he fits in to your life.
But still, the whole premise is conventional, when the article could have gone into a far more interesting science based exploration, or a historical exploration that explains how we ended up with all these bizarre expectations!
Happy to tell you that nowadays (as a woman) you can easily order children in test-tubes in the hospital.
The irony is that the only rational fear we should feel is the fear of spending the latter two thirds of life unhappily, with the wrong person—the exact fate the fear-driven people risk because they’re trying to be risk-averse. The issue for him is that by being incapable of tearing himself away from his personal world, he ends up with a sidekick as his life partner, which makes for a pretty boring 50 years. Therefore, your idea of making such a big deal out of who you’re going to marry is, in my opinion, looking for the right things in the wrong place. I’m not in a hurry, because I know that finding fulfilment in my own life is more important. How ignorant and ungrateful people can become in rushing to judge the very history that delivered them. It feels like what I’ve heard tell of my whole life, but never really believed was possible.
But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a deeply affecting coming-of-age story that will spirit you back to those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.
They take hard work, compromise and sacrifice on behalf of both parties for it to be successful in the long run.
If you want a partner that you can be happy with, then you should be happy with yourself first. I have no doubt that the right woman will show up in my life sooner or later, which is just a side-effect of living a purposeful life.
For most of us partners nowadays are for love, trust, feeling safe, having a lifelong friend etc.
I thought because he was kind and mature that it would be a productive discussion, but he was mean, and dismissive, and we didn’t resolve anything. This doesn’t necessarily mean that their choice of partner was terrible, but they have unrealistic expectations of what marriage is. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.
The way people communicate is the greatest indicator of how they will work together as a team in the future. It makes me sad because I feel that I need to let him go, despite the fact that he has so many wonderful qualities. It will take a lot of self-restraint, but better to end it now, than to get further enmeshed, and risk it being more challenging to extricate from.
Just like I met him when I wasn’t expecting it, there will be someone else, and maybe someone else after that. Or a chance to be one of those people whose happy marriage increases their quality of life. Talk About Your Crush NightAlso, I really want to be lounging on the beach, but, um, I'm not. When will you get old?Talk About Your Crush NightRemember when I said what is really better than peanut butter? It's getting pretty serious.Talk About Your Crush NightOr, the more 2013 version of this meme applies also.



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