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admin 03.01.2014

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been the darkest girl wherever I go, whether it be in class, on the dance team, or just at the family BBQ. When I watched the Dark Girls film, I was saddened to see the images of poor Black women who have been trampled by shadism, but what made me even more sad was that the movie did not feature any women with predominantly positive experiences of being dark skinned…women like ME! Ladies & Gentlemen, do you agree that the Dark Girls documentary focused too much on INSECURE dark skin women, and not enough on ones who've actually had positive experiences in the BLACK community? In order to encourage younger dark skin girls who don't feel great about their skin you need to show them dark skin women who feel good about their skin. To your last point, that means that Black people need to FREE UP and stop demonizing Black actresses for taking certain roles (like Viola Davis says) and it means we need to start supporting our own (i.e. True we shouldn't demonized Violia but we should have more roles available to black women other than maid or other stereotype . It wasn't a bad documentary but it definitely was emotionally manipulative in certain parts. First before I comment, I will just a comment that resonated with me deeply that I found on Clutch. I can add that many times we dark-skinned men are not welcome to the conversation because our honesty does not add to the plight of the dark-skinned girl in many ways. Speaking to other men of my shade, when we reflect on what we went through coming up it is a story that hasn’t had much focus in the past (right Bill Duke?).
For the record, the only reason that documentary got off the ground is because we can pretty much have a pity party with women and get away with it. They want white people to accept them soooooo badly, instead of working together with their black male counterparts so we can get a media engine popping to promote their beauty. And BW pretty much operate independently from their men, which makes it worse for both of us when trying to navigate the white supremacist atmosphere.
As a dark skinned woman, I watched the documentary and I thought that it was completely unnecessary. It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. My literary pseudonym is Masai Love and I’m excited to write my first guest post here on TIYC! Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". How could you validate what Masai said without seeing the documentary she's referring to? Which leads to the next point, it's not just about seeing more dark skin women on the cover of magazines or in movies but seeing them in positive roles. Every time a movie is released with Black actors or a Black director, we criticize the casting, the script and the production BEFORE one trailer has even been released.
The angry, bitter, and misinformed should not be the most vocal, but like everything else this is not the case so it seems like a good effort and that’s about it.
A very touchy subject was brought up for the entire world to see with nothing very positive to say.
From a surface perspective, there are both beautiful and hideous features found among either.
Keep shining bright, because you lift us all up (regardless of shade or ethnicity) when you own your beauty and set an example of what we get to be if we choose it. Did you know that when someone appears in your dreams, it’s because that person misses you.
The reason why people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was and the present worse than it is. As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we THINK will make our lives better- money, popularity, fame- we ignore what truly matters- the simple things, like friendship, family, love- the things we probably already had. Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it’s very important that you do it. I don’t understand how when somebody says that they want you in their life, but they never make an effort to make you a part of their life. I’ve come to realize that in this life, the only two people you can trust are God and yourself. It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody’s out there- have a little faith. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.

Never compare your love story with those in the movies, because they are written by scriptwriters. If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can’t afford to be with them.
Hear with your heart, see with your soul, be guided by a hand that you cannot hold, trust even if you cannot see. In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.
The women who don’t seek attention are usually the women you need to be giving your attention to. Whether we like it or not, whether we try to or not, whether we fight it or not, we always end up falling for the one who is horribly wrong for us. Did you ever notice, that when people tell you you’ve changed, it’s only because you stopped acting the way they want you to? In the end, we will conserve only what we love, we will love only what we understand, we will understand only what we are taught. Do you remember when we went to bed early on Christmas Eve, the day before Easter, and any night that we lost a tooth?
There are some of us who are balanced, mature and beautiful women (inside and out), and we don’t need your apologies or your sad puppy eyes. He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean. Yes there are some dark skin women who have experienced colorism to the degree of the women in the film.
Seeing them as the love interest and not the Mammy, not being the mean girl or the loud ghetto girl.
I make it a point on my own blog to show us in all our hues of gorgeousness because that's how our community looks. My opinion is that there are stunning black women who are beautifully shaded from albino to midnight. Beneath the surface where their personality lies (where, in my opinion, real beauty resides) you'll find the same thing. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are part of nature and therefore, part of the mystery that we re trying to solve. Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. Or when you tell a guy how you feel about them, they run away instead of listening to what you have to say. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you look beautiful on the outside, regardless of how many flaws you have. It’s not worth the price, even though, just like the Tiffany catalog, no one tells you what the price is.
It’s those times, I think, when our lives have altered but still long for the time before everything was altered-this is when we feel the greatest pain. I have always responded with breathless excitement to any who has ever said that God does not live in a dogmatic scripture or in a distant throne in the sky, but instead abides very close to us indeed- much closer than anything we can imagine, breathing right through our own hearts. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it.
Sometimes what seems promising is nothing but a scenario and an ending that we’ve created in our heads. We could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn’t even know it.
They sparkle & shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Looking back, doesn’t it sometimes feel like our richest times come right in the midst of our hardest?
And then something happens, something too big to understand and then everything changes forever. Tikka Shumpter talks about her role on gossip girls and how her who were dark skin girls would praise her because they had never seen a dark skin women who acted, spoke or was portrayed how she was.
A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman and most of the time it comes down to tolerance, understanding and acceptance. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean, something you could point to and know what it was and I think that’s why she struggled with love.

But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.
Maybe if we had never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love, have babies, or be who we are.
You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. It’s about scaring the crap out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. The reason why the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved, and people are being used.
I respond with gratitude to anyone who has ever voyaged to the center of that heart, and who has then returned to the world with a report for the rest of us that God is an experience of supreme love. A little secret, and one of the greatest ways to break that, is to stop thinking about yourself for a second. She will bend over backwards and fold herself in half helping out someone if she can do anything.
Remember running around in your witch costume, collecting candy from complete strangers, no matter how cold it was? But God made us to live in community, to laugh and cry, to hurt and to celebrate with each other, no matter what we’re going through. You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You learn to live your new life, and you can’t imagine, or even really remember how things were before.
Sometimes, it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. It’s a plus when they are passionate about their own life, and about things that are important to them. Don’t forget the days of orderly lines onto the school bus, and waking up extra early for Saturday morning cartoons. But its comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart, and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. But I can say that I hope and I pray, that if you really care about me at all, like you claim that you do, that you will stop setting me up, that you will stop saying things that you know you don’t mean.
Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people like you as much as they like someone else. But we have to remember, that even when we struggle to believe in Him, He always believes in us.
You expect so much that you feel entirely, utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. She’s really fragile, and it takes very little for her to be hurt, as she takes everything to heart. Now, we are walking in the door at 2 am on Christmas morning, being the Easter bunny, and only losing teeth if we did something stupid. And the best part of the journey, is that the God of the Universe, sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.
We left our childhood behind without even giving it a second thought, and now 95% of us would give anything to go back to it.
As long as we keep bringing it up, calling each other names, making differences in how we are treated based on complexion, it will never get any better. If anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself, then that’s their problem. We each have to look within ourselves and accept each other for who we are, and look beyond a person's casing to see what is on the inside.

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