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Getting married early, but don’t want to fall pregnant until I complete my education? I am felling awkward sharing my intimate life but fear of Allah’s obedience is much higher than secrecy of my private life. These lingerie’s very from next to nothing to all cover-up.  At times he even get excited with my hijab and abaya and asked me to dress up in hijab and abayas in different styles in bedroom. I tried to avoid all this but then he talked about his rights as husband and read some internet fatwas to me where according to them what he is asking is very much halal and as wife it’s my duty to fulfill his desires. My question is: Is it OK to dress-up in such manner for your husband in very much privacy of your bedroom?
I think Abayah is meant to cover you up totally so that there is no arousal, I do not understand how your husband enjoys you while you are dressed in Abayah.
And he said: With regard to dancing on the part of women, it is an evil action and we cannot say that it is permissible, because we have heard of incidents that have occurred among women because of it. Apart from this, insha Allah, there are numerous Halaal things he can do to maintain a good relation, but I must mention that the relation between a husband and a wife is much more than just sexual. I would like to just say that a wife can dress up as anyone in anything within the privacy of her home to please her husband when they are both alone.
May Allah (swt) protect us all from the fitna of this day and age and help us stay on the right path. I am sure, I read it on either islamicqa or Islamonline, or may be sunnipath; and Allah knows best. Al-Bukhari recorded that Ibn Al-Munkadir said that he heard Jabir say that the Jews used to claim that if one has sex with his wife from behind (in the vagina) the offspring would become cross-eyed. I would have to agree with Muhammad1982 that a person should beautify themselves for their spouse. I can completely understand your feelings sister Naima and would like to say to you that I hope you appreciate what you have because from your post, I would say MashaAllah at your marriage and may Allah protect your marital bond inshaAllah. I think considering what other people face in their marriage--it sounds like you both have a very healthy relationship, mashaAllah. I think common sense tells all of us that prohibitions on things like wearing seductive clothing, beautifying oneself, and dancing etc are all made to dictate our behavior in a public forum. For instance, when we say there is "no dancing", does that mean a young girl who is home alone cleaning her house can't bop around while she does her chores? Sister, in my view, everything your husband has asked you to do is permissible (in the context of you only doing it with him in privacy) and actually will boost the connection you have with him in marriage. As for what you have said,you have nothing to worry about because since he is your husband he has the right on you and you should be content that your husband is loyal to you and wants YOU to fulfill his desires because most men loose interest in their wives and start looking else-where,but your husband did not do that he came clean with you and asked you to do certain things to get excitement back into his and your personal life.
So you should consider yourself to be lucky to have such a husband because believe me I have seen several cases where a husband COMPLETELY looses interest in his wife and starts having affairs leaving the woman in a state of stress,discomfort and a 24 hour tension never knowing what your future with him is and trying to prevent him from seeing other women. Having said all of this, it should be kept in mind that no music (except the Daff) or wrong poetry (such as that of the movie songs) are involved. After Aayah 224 was revealed, Hassan bin Thabit and other poets among the Sahabah Radiyallahu Anhum thought it was against them. Except those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, and remember Allah much, and reply back (in poetry) to the unjust poetry (which the pagan poets utter against the Muslims). We can infer from this that poetry that involves praising Allah, sending blessings (darood) upon the Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, and what does not involve haraam are allowed, while anything that involves Haraam, such as most of the Ghazals, pop songs, songs from movies (all of which involve something or the other which is Haraam).
I don't think it would be appropriate to do these types of workouts in public where men and women are mixing freely, like in a gym etc. I would have to venture to say that if someone were to say that such workouts were forbidden even under the stipulations I outlined, they would also have to say that the practice of martial arts should be forbidden as many of their katas have very dance-like movements to them. What is forbidden is sex outside of marriage, in other words with someone you are not married to. New questions need to be submitted as new posts rather than as comments on existing posts - this way advice stays (inshaAllah) relevant to the original question and so is more accessible both to the original poster and to others who may search the archives for advice.
As you'd written quite a bit, rather than asking you to re-write it, I've copied the text over to a new post for you, and it's joined the queue for publication. Epistolary novel with a misleading historical background (the story the relationsip between Forde Grey, Earl of Tankerville, 1655-1701, and his sister-in-law Lady Henrietta Berkeley, 1664 or 1665-1710, which went through the English papers in 1682 seems to have actually triggered the publication). The most interesting aspects are probably the moral reflections of the young Lovers who risk to step out of all conventions and restrictions. Duffy, Maureen, Introduction to Love-letters between a nobleman and his sister, with a new introduction by Maureen Duffy (London: Virago, 1987). Figueroa-Dorrego, Jorge, Reconciling 'the Most Contrary and Distant Thoughts': Paradox and Irony in the Novels of Aphra Behn ed. Pollak, Ellen, Incest and the English Novel, 1684-1814 (Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins UP, 2003). Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be.
All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. So given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy? Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences.
But if someone went to school to learn about how to pick a life partner and take part in a healthy relationship, if they charted out a detailed plan of action to find one, and if they kept their progress organized rigorously in a spreadsheet, society says they’re A) an over-rational robot, B) way too concerned about this, and C) a huge weirdo.
No, when it comes to dating, society frowns upon thinking too much about it, instead opting for things like relying on fate, going with your gut, and hoping for the best. In other words, people end up picking from whatever pool of options they have, no matter how poorly matched they might be to those candidates. But good old society frowns upon that, and people are often still timid to say they met their spouse on a dating site. For a woman who wants to have biological children with her husband, she has one very real limitation in play, which is the need to pick the right life partner by forty, give or take. So when you take a bunch of people who aren’t that good at knowing what they want in a relationship, surround them with a society that tells them they have to find a life partner but that they should under-think, under-explore, and hurry up, and combine that with biology that drugs us as we try to figure it out and promises to stop producing children before too long, what do you get? A frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and a lot of people messing up the most important decision of their life.
Overly Romantic Ronald’s downfall is believing that love is enough reason on its own to marry someone.


Fear is one of the worst possible decision-makers when it comes to picking the right life partner. Externally-Influenced Ed lets other people play way too big a part in the life partner decision.
The saddest example of this is someone breaking up with a person who would have been the right life partner because of external disapproval or a factor the chooser doesn’t actually care about (religion is a common one) but feels compelled to stick to for the sake of family insistence or expectations. Shallow Sharon is more concerned with the on-paper description of her life partner than the inner personality beneath it.
Everyone has certain on-paper boxes they’d like checked, but a strongly ego-driven person prioritizes appearances and resumes above even the quality of her connection with her potential life partner when weighing things. This person inevitably ends up with at best a super easy-going person, and at worst, a pushover with a self-esteem issue, and sacrifices a chance to be part of a team of equals, almost certainly limiting the potential quality of her marriage. I love this blog because I like to think I’m a person who is able to see things from many different perspectives and your insights are really refreshing because many times they are new to me. These comments (and many others above and below) really mean a lot—great motivation to keep this going for a long time. Anyway, you sound relatively young, and without knowing you at all, the best advice I can give you is to slow down in general. On the one hand you talk about contemplating the enormity of the universe and science and biology and how we are ruled by these things. Your whole premise is based on a (SINGULAR) life partner who must meet all these conventional standards.
And I pretty much lost the argument when he said “he does not want to look elsewhere to fulfill his desires and if I do not cooperate then I am pushing him to look around”. Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy when he get excited and treat me like the most precious thing in his life but I do not want to offend almighty with any of my actions. You bothe can look at each other's body, but he should not be forcing you to wear what you don't like. There is a Hadith that says that the Day of Judgement will not be established, until dancing women will be respected.
Even if she is among other women, the other women may do things that indicate that they are temped by her.
If it is done by men that is even worse, because that is men imitating women, and the evil involved is well known.
Fatwas you are referring to I assume are for women dressing provocatively in public (using scent, high heels, revealing dresses etc etc) which may entice men and same goes for dancing and singing (only prohibition I know is using bad language or words which are in any way disrespectful or may be considered Shirk etc etc). Does it mean two sisters who are having a sleepover can't do some silly moves while they are enjoying each other's company? There are general prohibitions for them and the scholars of the Ahlus Sunnah approve this position. See you not that they speak about every subject (praising others right or wrong) in their poetry? In a strictly-females class where no men are around or could be around to watch the classes (I would still cover in these cases unless all of the ladies are Muslim). Sexual intimacy between husband and wife is allowed in Islam and is considered a blessing and a healthy part of the marriage. At the moment, there is a wait of about 3 weeks between submission and publication on the main page.
I deleted the post you created, as I went ahead and registered Med Student and prepped her post.
The Second Part by the Same Hand (London: Printed for the Author, and are to be sold by the Booksellers of London, 1685).
Philander (associate of Caesario, the Prince of Condé) falls in love with Silvia, sister of his wife Mertilla. Neither law, religion nor family ties ultimately prevent them from following their burning desires. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision. This is logical, because that’s the way you proceed when you want to do something well and minimize mistakes. The obvious conclusion to draw here is that outside of serious socialites, everyone looking for a life partner should be doing a lot of online dating, speed dating, and other systems created to broaden the candidate pool in an intelligent way. The respectable way to meet a life partner is by dumb luck, by bumping into them randomly or being introduced to them from within your little pool. Our brains can usually override this process if we’re just not that into someone, but for all those middle ground cases where the right move is probably to move on and find something better, we often succumb to the chemical roller coaster and end up getting engaged. Romance can be a great part of a relationship, and love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage, but without a bunch of other important things, it’s simply not enough.
Unfortunately, the way society is set up, fear starts infecting all kinds of otherwise-rational people, sometimes as early as the mid-twenties. The choosing of a life partner is deeply personal, enormously complicated, different for everyone, and almost impossible to understand from the outside, no matter how well you know someone. There are a bunch of boxes that she needs to have checked—things like his height, job prestige, wealth-level, accomplishments, or maybe a novelty item like being foreign or having a specific talent. She believes her needs and desires and opinions are simply more important than her partner’s, and she needs to get her way in almost any big decision. He wants a life partner who serves as both his therapist and biggest admirer, but is mostly uninterested in returning either favor. Especially the bits about not using any kind of reason or logic to choose a partner and letting that chemically-induced infatuation dictate your future. This may sound weird, but I believe that you are actually changing things with your posts, helping people, making them (us) think and reflect besides laughing (a lot). When the romance glasses come off, Background incompatibilities such as religion and race start causing so much friction. There are more than one who has developed happiness and love for themselves and haven’t found or run into a right partner.
And yet on the other hand, you stick to a mainstream religious rhetoric about life partners and how important picking the right one is.
If yes, then you should replace it with a loose one which is within the limits of Allah's Law.
I think best thing is as this sister did is to ask and search, in fact this should be done before marriage ideally.


Or that a married couple can't arouse each other with seductive dances I think if someone were to espouse that they would be taking a very extreme interpretation of things. She, living at the Manor house of her parents, manages to exchange letters with him - he enjoys for most of the novel's short stretch of time the protection of Dorillus, a farmer bound to Silvia's father. Fortunately, this stigma is diminishing with time, but that it’s there at all is a reflection of how illogical the socially accepted dating rulebook is. It makes no sense—the former is one step away from a happy marriage, while the latter must either settle for permanent unhappiness or endure a messy divorce just to catch up to where the single person is.
The types of fear our society (and parents, and friends) inflict upon us—fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, sometimes just fear of being judged or talked about—are the types that lead us to settle for a not-so-great partnership. As such, other people’s opinions and preferences really have no place getting involved, other than an extreme case involving mistreatment or abuse. In the end, she doesn’t want a legitimate partnership, she wants to keep her single life and have someone there to keep her company.
Each night, he and his partner discuss their days, but 90% of the discussion centers around his day—after all, he’s the main character of the relationship. As a scientist who also has opinions (right?!) it’s so nice to see that folks actually value the integrity of their opinions enough to research as well as concisely explain them. Lots of people become indoctrinated by Disney at a young age that when you meet your future spouse sparks will fly, you’ll fall in love and then live happily ever after. Oh how I wish I had the above relationship foresight 20 years ago… and the maturity to make better choices.
Society tells us to invest behind education and career and hope that a partner will come along the way.
Just because you have the ability to sound smart in a post doesn’t make you knowledgeable or wise. We all try to rush into forming long-term relationships, but if you just met this person, it is too soon to determine where he fits in to your life. But still, the whole premise is conventional, when the article could have gone into a far more interesting science based exploration, or a historical exploration that explains how we ended up with all these bizarre expectations!
Happy to tell you that nowadays (as a woman) you can easily order children in test-tubes in the hospital.
The exchange of letters deals mostly with the question whether both should meet secretly at night; Silvia's servants assist their young lady. The irony is that the only rational fear we should feel is the fear of spending the latter two thirds of life unhappily, with the wrong person—the exact fate the fear-driven people risk because they’re trying to be risk-averse. The issue for him is that by being incapable of tearing himself away from his personal world, he ends up with a sidekick as his life partner, which makes for a pretty boring 50 years.
Therefore, your idea of making such a big deal out of who you’re going to marry is, in my opinion, looking for the right things in the wrong place.
I’m not in a hurry, because I know that finding fulfilment in my own life is more important.
How ignorant and ungrateful people can become in rushing to judge the very history that delivered them. It feels like what I’ve heard tell of my whole life, but never really believed was possible. They take hard work, compromise and sacrifice on behalf of both parties for it to be successful in the long run. If you want a partner that you can be happy with, then you should be happy with yourself first.
I have no doubt that the right woman will show up in my life sooner or later, which is just a side-effect of living a purposeful life. For most of us partners nowadays are for love, trust, feeling safe, having a lifelong friend etc. Because through Nikah, you have become Halaal for your husband and you both can enjoy each other in any manner that is not Haraam. Mertilla intervenes with a letter openly warning the sister not to trust Philander's confessions of love. I thought because he was kind and mature that it would be a productive discussion, but he was mean, and dismissive, and we didn’t resolve anything. The first meeting turns into failure when Philander finds himself unable to perform the consummation - a situation read by Silvia as proof of his neglect of her beauty. This doesn’t necessarily mean that their choice of partner was terrible, but they have unrealistic expectations of what marriage is.
The second encounter is more happy in this respect and an act now clearly building on Silvia's consent. Philander has turned jealous of Foscario, the gentleman Sivia's parents have designed for her husband, and Silvia's feels she has to prove that she actually loves him.
The way people communicate is the greatest indicator of how they will work together as a team in the future. It makes me sad because I feel that I need to let him go, despite the fact that he has so many wonderful qualities. The problem is now Philander's getting lost in the affair, he remains in the forest where Silvia enters the coach to Paris and has a duel with Foscario little later. The eclarissement serves to bring Philander into the Bastille, while Silvia remains hidden in Paris. Caesario uses his influence and money to secure Philander's temporal freedom, a situation the couple uses to escape to the Netherlands.
It will take a lot of self-restraint, but better to end it now, than to get further enmeshed, and risk it being more challenging to extricate from. The story ends with Philander's letter to Silvia calling her to the boat they shall use for their escape. Just like I met him when I wasn’t expecting it, there will be someone else, and maybe someone else after that. Or a chance to be one of those people whose happy marriage increases their quality of life.



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