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When your relationship is still fresh, it's nice to get to know the silly basics of what makes your man tick.
More than that, you need to know what makes a question good, so you can come up with your own questions spontaneously, effectively, in the moment. There’s nothing wrong with having two or three fall-back questions to use as training wheels when you’re starting out. It sounds obvious, but it’s still worth mentioning: A good question fits with the rest of the conversation. Finally, a good question helps to lead you both toward real conversation, not just taking turns asking questions. Think of this question as one potential replacement for the dreadful “So what do you do for a living?” You might be legitimately interested in what she does for a living, but there are a few problems with that question. Compare that with “what was the best part of your week?” In this formulation, you allow her to give you the information she’s most interested in providing. You’re also getting a small window into her overall life by asking her what the best part of her week is. Think of this question as a targeted way of asking where she grew up and what her childhood was like. The key here is to recap what she said (“It sounds like you and your dad spent a lot of time golfing together”) and then ask a relevant question that also pivots the conversation a bit (“What about your mom? Yes, this is a question about her bucket list, which can be rote and sometimes intimidating. Make sure she knows that you don’t necessarily mean something “big” like “conquer Mars” or “have 16 kids.” It could be something as simple as seeing the Grand Canyon, or an act of commonplace thrill-seeking like jumping out of an airplane.
You can explore a person’s values and priorities by asking them what they like about where they work. Very few people ask this question, but when you think about it, it’s a great way to get to know someone.
Even if someone has an overall negative impression of where they came from, this question keeps things positive. A variation on the “What do you like about your job?” question, this question gets more at someone’s hopes and dreams. When you approach groups of women, or even mixed groups, it’s smart to involve everyone in the conversation. In addition to ingratiating yourself with their circle, you’ll also learn a great deal about their past. One thing that people in cities pride themselves on is knowing about locations, events and other local happenings. As I mentioned earlier, it’s important for you to come up with your own situationally appropriate variations on these questions. If you find any of these questions particularly interesting, trot them out as much as you want. When you're sick, do you like to have someone taking care of you, or do you prefer to be left alone until you're better? What's one type of household chore that you're unwilling, or at least very resistant to do?
If we were in a group at a party, and I told a horrible joke that no one else laughed at, what would you do? Do you think it's okay for men and women who are in separate relationships to go have coffee or lunch together?
Do you think it's okay for people to vent to others about their significant others, or do you think that it's completely disrespectful and complaints should be kept within the relationship? Are you a neat freak or do you tend to have socks and other items lying around everywhere, most of the time? Would you ever consider having additional roommates to cut costs if we had a place with enough space? If I have to work really late, will you have a problem with cooking or picking up some dinner for both of us? What is your philosophy on money within a marriage-is what's yours mine and vice-versa, or will you prefer separate accounts and a roommate situation with bill paying? How much time do you expect us each to be able to hang out with our friends once we've had children? Would you be agreeable to staying home with the kids if my career was about to take off or if I made enough at my job to support that arrangement?
Do you want a small wedding, a large one, a visit to the courthouse, an elopement, or do you have no opinion at all?


Would you be willing to temporarily take on two jobs if that's what it took to make ends meet? If I have a disagreement with one of your family members or friends, will you stand up for me?
Do you feel that your parents treated you and your siblings the same or was there favoritism?
What are some prominent things that have happened in your past that you think have contributed greatly to who you are today?
Instead, take a day or two to mull over his answers, and decide where you want the relationship to go.
While you won't want to have his answers chosen for him ahead of time, you will want to think about what kind of answer you'd like him to give. I get it — it can be really hard to know how to break the ice and start a conversation. Too many guys ask girls questions that are either too boring (“Come here often?”), too personal (“Where do you live?”), too silly (“If you could be a flavor of Kool-Aid, what flavor would you be?”) or too much like a job interview (“What do you want to be doing in five years?”). Questions that give you meaningful information, show genuine interest, and allow you to be authentic and open. But because we’re not just here to give you memorized questions to pull out of your back pocket, I want to talk about something important first: what makes these good questions in the first place.
But you don’t want her to feel like you’re just firing a bunch of canned interview questions at her, because that usually creates an inauthentic, stressful exchange.
After she answers, you can give your own answer, because if you two are really getting into each other, she’s going to be just as interested in your answer as you were in hers.
If she’s talking about her job, asking her about her car isn’t a great fit, though asking her about her education makes sense. Fewer things will get a person to like you more and faster than asking them to talk about something they’re already interested in. Good questions are bricks in a road from not knowing someone at all to getting to know them quite well. Rather than trying to memorize them, ask yourself why they’re good questions, and how you might be able to adapt them in specific conversations. That might be about work, but it could be about school, yoga or the fun projects she has going on the side. You’re not trying to get her to “vent” or even picking her brain for information about what not to do (though you will get useful information about that too!), but rather to lightheartedly acknowledge that dating can be awkward, stressful and unpleasant at times. Because this question is closed and targeted, you’ll want to follow up with something like “How did you two become so close?” This question might provide a short answer, but it directs the conversation to a place where you can start asking a lot of follow-ups. What did you two do together?”) In fact, you might choose this question specifically as an exercise so that you get better at thinking on your feet in the middle of a conversation and asking solid follow-up questions. Still, it’s one of those questions everyone wishes someone would ask, but no one ever does. You can then use this question to pivot to more specific questions about their passions, interest and aspirations. Especially if you live in a city like LA, New York or Portland with a lot of transplants, you’re giving someone the opportunity to remember who they were before they got here.
What’s more, if they do have a negative impression of where they grew up, there’s a good chance no one has given them the simple gift of being allowed to reminisce about what was positive. Think about it: Choosing a college major is, for a lot of people, one of the only big decisions they make on the basis of passion. While we all certainly need to be grounded in reality, it’s also nice to venture outside of that bubble. When you ask her this question, you’re giving her the opportunity to show off a little bit. When she talks about a secret spot, you’ll know she’s interested when she wants you to go there too. So if you ask her and she says “I haven’t really been anywhere” you can just ask her where she most wants to go.
A trip backpacking around Europe, a year spent in the Peace Corps and a semester studying abroad in Taiwan are all very different kinds of trips, giving you very different insights into who the person is. For example, “What was cool about where you grew up?” can sound a little stiff in comparison to something like “I’ve heard Portland is really cool. Think about which things are non-negotiable, and which issues you are willing to compromise on. And once you do get a conversation started, it can be difficult to keep the conversation moving forward.


Questions that will get her interested in you, while allowing you to decide if you are interested in her. What you really want is the ability to come up with your own meaningful questions and weave them into the conversation organically. When you ask a question, you want to know her answer, but it’s more important to keep the conversational ball rolling and keep her interested. It’s best to use them in an appropriate, organic way, but if you find the conversation dwindling and you want to keep it going, don’t be afraid to pull one out. Whatever her response, she gets to determine what she wants to share with you about her week — and you get to listen.
When you each expose parts of yourself that are a little uncomfortable, you’re showing a part of yourselves that most people don’t get to see. And not just to remember who they were, but what they like best about the place they came from. You can avoid becoming a mere audience for their life story by using their response to create new, organic questions, and building a conversation from there.
You’re also potentially letting her do the work in terms of coming up with a first date idea. Hidden attractions are jealously guarded, so if she wants to take you there, things are going well.
Asking about travel allows you learn both about where she’s been and where she wants to go.
What did you like most about growing up there?” Don’t worry about memorizing these questions.
Whether your relationship is brand new, or you have been together for a while, asking questions - both serious and fun - is a great way to get to know your partner and spark meaningful conversation. If you find more often than not, that his answers are not compatible with yours, you may want to cut your losses early. Which is why having some solid, standard questions handy can make it much easier to build and deepen a connection.
Questions that avoid the conversational boxes that turn a fun opportunity into a dull exchange. One-word answers don’t tell you much and basically any question can be worded to elicit a longer answer.
So if she starts talking about the answer to your question and dips into some unrelated tangents, that’s a great sign. At the end of the day, you’ll want to come up with questions that flow naturally, and let the conversation direct itself. Now you’re focused on fun, positive experiences, and the conversation will perpetuate itself. If she’s open to it, this can be a great foray into hilarious stories you two can share about the funny process of dating. Not only can you learn more about each other this way, but you can also begin establishing comfort and expressing interest.
If she doesn’t like her job, you’ll learn what it is about it that keeps her going back every day. The places people have traveled as well as the places they want to travel in the future gives you a lot of insight into who she is. With no prior knowledge about social dynamics, Harbinger pored over the material, quickly mastering the fundamental concepts. That’s excellent information for you to decide whether this is someone you’d like to spend more time with. His background in biology helped him to apply the scientific method, taking his book knowledge to the next level through in-field experience. While still at the University of Michigan, he founded The Art of Charm Podcast, which was later featured on SiriusXM Radio.
He lives in Hollywood, California, which provides no shortage of places for him to continue to test and develop the techniques taught by The Art of Charm.




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