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admin 11.11.2013

I am a 52-year-old twice-divorced woman who has been in a serious relationship with a great man for three years.
You and your boyfriend chose to keep separate lives, separate houses, separate school districts – all for the sake of your kids’ stability. And you will have to learn to deal with being in a relationship that has little forward motion and no guarantees…because that is the relationship you agreed to three years ago.
I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.
Daisy makes a good point, and I totally agree that meshing 2 lifestyles can be very difficult and sometimes it can’t be done without affecting so many other factors such as children, their routines, jobs, sick parents living with them, etc.
It is quite difficult in your 40s and 50s to find people with whom you have a lifestyle match and can date and then successfully blend lives. It would be very difficult for us to blend lives for quite some time…but that was the case with everyone I met.
I don’t want to date another 100 guys over 2 to 3 years, and get older in the process,  to not find another gentleman like this.
Caroline, your mother sounds like a very wise woman!  ?? Wow, can she give a seminar to the meddling mothers out there (like mine) on how to mind your own business? I had a meltdown a month ago…the world just came crashing down and I was over tired, stressed and anxious. Sometimes you keep on hoping so hard because he accepts some part of you that might be hard for others to accept that you are not looking at things objectively.
If you start the conversation by accepting that both of you have valid, but incompatible, goals, then the entire dynamic of the conversation changes. What would you do if the person who you left because of… decided to marry or whatever to get you back. My name is Kevin, and I am here to help you through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back. I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two years three years of experience helping people with breakups). I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes. Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back. Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new. The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship?
The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it.
If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. Basically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex.
However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days?
It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better. For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing.
If you think with your heart, you will just hear that you love your ex and you want them back. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person. If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point.
Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.
You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you. You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness. A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction.
It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you. If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body.
OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here. Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series. More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide.
So last week on Wednesday we decided to have a family day, just to spend it with our daughter and take her out.
There was a moment when a guy came up to me and then left and then my ex came up to me and said be careful with that guy he’s weird. I did notice he was on his phone a lot like texting with someone but all I got to see was the area code he didn’t have the number saved. He had also mentioned to me earlier that day when he first picked us up that he wanted to take our daughter to Disneyland and I said he should that she would love it and then he said he had already asked his neighbor to get us tickets to go. I know he’s not lying about it because my friend (the girl) told me my ex told her bf about it. Like 2 days later my friend told me that my ex told him that same day we had the family day like just out of no where that his gf was stalking me on facebook.
But what if, i uploaded a pic to insta yesterday and wrote that i’m going to get a new tattoo soon, which is true! If you are unsure, you can just tell him clearly that you don’t want to speak to him for a while and you need space and time.
Kevin should i tell him to don’t talk to me for awhile or should i ignore and keep doing NC?
Next day after we spoke she send an emoticon in facebook and said that was a mistake,my response was ok ,happens.The next day she removed our pictures.
Do you think she still has feelings.Why did she even call in first place.Why did she remove the pictures now?
It just makes me so sad to think that he stopped caring so quickly and here I am still wanting him in my life.


One of my friend’s told me” You know what sucks is that I know he loves you but he knows you love him and your willing to stick around and that’s why I feel he isn’t scared to lose you” and its true I’m sure he thinks that, that’s why he’s not scared but he doesn’t want to see guys talking to me either. I also feel like the major issue here is that frankly I don’t want to move on and that I believe it was a really good relationship when we were together and letting it go is a mistake. In your case, this tiny little flaw is that you couldn’t make it work with long distance.
I know there’s a big difference between a drinking problem and not moving on from a long distance breakup. So if he is not willing to fix the problem that’s causing you distress, shouldn’t you move on? I see so many divorced people jumping into relationships with little concern to how it will affect their children and the poor kids just have to go along for the ride, no matter how miserable it might be. I couldn’t give you a percentage per se, but it seems the empty-nesters and widowers do cohabitate or get married moreso.
I thought maybe if I give him an ultimatum he will wake up, but I see your point, he’s not that into me if it comes to one.
I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back. In fact,  every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.
Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do.
Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup.
Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you.
No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time.
You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).
You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself. And the only way you can do it is by realizing your purpose and your goals in life and pursuing them. They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect.
An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about.
The guy later came back up to me and was talking to me and then my ex saw that from a far and walked up to us and stood right next to me and gave the guy a look I then said something to my ex about leaving to not make this situation big or anything. I was walking to the store alone with my daughter and he was going to go somewhere wit my friend’s bf which is also his friend but then saw me walking alone and decided to walk with me to the store.
That he went through her phone & saw she stayed on my page & that he confronted her about it saying why are you on her page?
Like I said before, work on your communication skills and try to figure out what caused all the issues in the relationship.
Since it’s been 8 months, and you have pretty much tried everything to move on, I think there are deeper issues at play here than just this guy and your relationship with him. But, I will recommend you don’t focus on that and use it as an excuse to continue having hope etc. I mean if he truly wanted her out he’d be straight up with her, supposedly he doesn’t cause she has nowhere to go and doesn’t want to leave her out in the streets but I don’t know. If he had a drinking problem or he was abusive (which are both fixable problems), what would you have done?
I don’t see a biweekly relationship as an ideal one, and I fully support you wanting to escalate things. My BF does talk future but nit specifically about where we might live or anything like that.
Just like when someone sleeps with someone on the first date and ends up getting married and living happily ever after. Although it will be hard, I’ll have to let go and heal in order for me to be open for someone that will be on the same page as me. I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back will increase significantly. It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused.
A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself.
So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.
We will get into that but before that that let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days.
If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period.
This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together.
After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter  before calling them.
You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both.
If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period. We use to hang out a lot together with this couple they have a daughter our daughter’s age. Let him know that you think it’s best for you to not communicate with him as it will help the healing process and give you two the much needed space.
Remember, ignoring him and doing no contact will be of no use if you don’t use the time to work on the issues that caused the breakup.
Talk therapy can help you uncover them and discover the true reasons for your unhappiness and inability to move on. He needs some time to himself and even if he was to leave her and come back to me he’d have to prove himself to me. My friend was telling me the one that we use to hang out with as a couple she said he’s gone over her house to hang out with her bf and that when he see her daughter that’s our daughter’s age that he stares at her like he misses our daughter.


But I know it’s hard since all the signs and everyone around you is saying that it will happen. You would have asked him to fix the problem and you would have supported him in fixing the issue. Our divorces were tough on the kids and we have both done everything possible to keep them stable and happy. However, you’re one of two people in the relationship, and your boyfriend has never made any noise about wanting to change.
Most aren’t smart strong successful men that are tall with soap opera star looks and six figure incomes I can assure you.
So, he has till May this year to reconsider if he wants to think about the future with me, otherwise I have to continue without him and open myself for someone that wants to commit.
And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.
And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want them to be with you just because of pity? And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new.
But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions from inside. Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you. It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you.
But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex.
Anyways he said he asked his neighbor for 4 tickets (me,him and the couple) he said we should all go together and that sometimes this month. I’ll suggest you continue no contact and send an apology text next week for being rude. I wouldn’t just take him back like nothing ever happened cause it did and there’s no denying that. In fact, it’s making you confused, draining your emotional and mental energy, and keeping you from moving on and growing in your life. Neither one of us is willing to disrupt our kids and pull them out of their high schools and understand forcing for teenagers to live together under one roof would be a disaster. Even if he is not eventually wanting anything more serious, I think I would try to look at the relationship as something positive because it has served it’s purpose for her self imposed relationship restrictions and given her some happiness when otherwise she might have been completely alone. After reading your posting, one question still remains, even if she brings it up as you suggested it, would it make him feel the pressure!?
It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).
They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him or her back and stop doing them right away. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. Keep it short and let her know that you need time to deal with the breakup and maybe you can catch up with her sometime later. If you told him to fix his drinking problem, and eight months later, he still comes home drunk and starts abusing you, would you still wait for him?
So for the past 3 years my boyfriend and I see each other every other weekend when our kids are with their other parent.
In my particular case a man with older kids would work better logistically but my BF is too good to walk away from at this point. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. Not to mention, he didn’t have any time after the breakup just for himself, to learn more about himself and figure out what he really wants. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it.
And I don’t suppose he has shown any guilt or remorse about cheating during the relationship. Keep it light initially and if she is responding well, ask her out after a couple of days of texting.
I feel great obligation to get my sons self sufficient and just can’t see putting soneone in that awkward position.
It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they can’t work on moving on with their life. However, there’s also no talk of the future, marriage or anything past getting our kids through high school graduation.
Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something. I said to him, you can write to me whenever you want, but i think we have to move on first a bit and then we can maybe talk again, and maybe find eachother again.. We talk on the phone every day to stay connected during our time apart; we spend holidays together with our families and occasionally get all the kids together for special events. Over Christmas vacation, we got to spend a glorious 5 uninterrupted days together in our love bubble and it was fabulous.
I am deeply in love and understand our living situation cannot change for the next two years, but how do I break the cycle of this weekend love bubble and take this relationship to the next step? How do I get him to start talking about our future together with the unknown factor of four teenagers?



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