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admin 07.04.2015

It's a painful thing to believe, of course, which is why we're constantly assuring each other the opposite. Now what are the odds that among all that, you're automatically their first pick for love-of-their-life? Maybe they know things you don't — like, say, your company will go bust if they don't do something unpopular.
But however they make you feel, the actions of others are not some cosmic judgement on your being. Most of us get so hung up on how we think the world should work that we can't see how it does. Hi, my heart is pounding of sadness, as a lot of people here my husband left me 2 weeks ago on the day of our first year anniversary. He left me in the footsteps of the restaurant we were going to have dinner and did not come back (I was disrespecting him over the ride to the restaurant and he did not stand it). Before this we actually were doing counselling with a priest that was helping us, since a month and a half ago we fought in the car when I was leaving him at the airport to go visit his dad at our home country as he was really ill.
When he came back I was surprise that after him being for the first time so solid in leaving me he heard me. We were happy, things were going great for 3 weeks (I did not nag on him, I let him handles things himself and not get on the way etc), until the 4th week that we had our first fight and I got disrespectful as before in 2 occasions, however there were many others discussions I was able to handle properly on the first 3 weeks.
In addition, I am new to this country, I left my job and my dreams in Canada so that he could be near his children (from another marriage), which I have show him that I love and treat them right, but when I came to this country after we got married, it turn out to be that he had some debts and he was not transparent with me and did not tell me which is when everything all the fights started because I felt betrayed that I was giving up so much and he did not see the need to be transparent or helping me to adapt to the country. I believe in marriage, he is not a bad person and I am not a bad person but circumstance, immaturity put us here, I believe finishing a process that we just had one month doing and was actually helping but I do not know what to do.
I have really had to sit with this and try and figure out what part of this was my doing, and how to change it, because this year I once again chose a partner who was not walking with me. I once again entered into a relationship desperate to find love and instead found a beautiful disaster.
Falling in love can be a slippery slope, regardless of any protective barriers we may have built. But if your relationship, be it friendship or romantic love, is unbalanced and one person is hurting, how much is enough?
How do we do what is best for ourselves without damaging the heart and mind of someone else in the process? For those of you who have been blessed to find a romantic love that is equally shared, I truly admire this and I have set the intention to find it one day. For a long time I didn’t believe I would find love so I subconsciously chose partners who I knew would be a challenge.
Beautifully stated.  I so needed to read this today, as your story is my story.  Thank you! You are very fortunate to have learned to love without expectations, indeed, this is truly a wonderful skill to have.
I have to say though, I’ve met numerous couples in the situation where one partner has this skill…and the other doesn’t.  Words can’t begin to tell you the roadblock this creates. Kelly makes a great point when she says “Often we fall in love with a person before we have fully gotten to know them”.  Perhaps the key here is…when dating, one should spend more time determining if the other person has this set of “skills” or not.
This unbalanced kind of relationship is stressful and in many cases volatile and downright nasty. Couldn’t have been more timely in my life as my 14 year relationship and 10 year marriage is coming to a bitter end. We were together for over 4 years, high school sweethearts, and I tried everything I could to hold onto something that just wasn’t there anymore. And you know, I will always love him and miss him, but I realized in the ensuing months that I was so much better off without him. I yearned for that unconditional love that was lacking in my previous relationship, and it found me shortly after I stopped looking. The blessing of modern civilization is there's abundant opportunities, and enough for us all to get by, even if we don't compete directly.
Can you save children from a burning house, or remove a tumor, or make a room of strangers laugh?
An internal sense of honour and love and duty count for squat. What exactly can you and have you done for the world?
It's why we have referees in sports games and judges in courtrooms: we have an innate sense of right and wrong, and we expect the world to comply.
But they're not all evil, self-serving monsters trying to line their own pockets and savor your misery. Maybe they have different priorities to you — like, say, long-term growth over short-term happiness. But facing that reality might just be the key to unlocking your understanding of the world, and with it, all of your potential. He went home and took all his clothes and left and never contacted me again, and since I felt hurt that he left me on the street neither did I. All the time that he was with his family he send me messages (emails) telling me he did not want anything anymore with me and that it was over.


I know he heard me because of all the work and interest I have put on to make good changes for us and so he stayed and we were happy.
On the 4th week as our 1st anniversary was approaching, I got defensive as I did not see details or thoughtfulness on his part (because he is not like that) and I started going back on my ways telling him that he could not make me happy as he could not even think of buying at least some roses and so on.
I am deeply sorry, I know I was trying and I lost my track on that last week but now I can see he could not stand one more fight and I was not at the moment that aware of it, however it is not easy to change someone’s way (in this case mine) perfectly in one month (and of course he also has issues, he avoids conflict, lack of communication, not affectionate), how did he expected that things would be perfect right away. But I thought he would see we were on a process of getting better and after a couple of days come back or miss me. And since I am new to this country I do not have my own car yet and so we both use his car but since he left and took the car with him, I have not been able to do a bunch of errands since I leave far away of the supermarket and all other things. I feel bad that he is in my home country and that he told me that his father died the same day that he was getting buried so there was no way I could get there on time and pay my respect which hurts me so much that he could not separate things. I’ve been blessed with some amazing moments over the years, but somehow have managed to choose partners who did not want what I wanted, did not feel what I felt, and did not want to walk beside me into a future together.
Except this time not only was he not walking with me but he was subtly trying to kick my feet from under me every chance he got. It can ease in like a light a mist that settles itself beautifully over your life, or it can blindside you.
By this point it’s too late—you’ve already stretched your heart for someone capable of bruising it.
How many pieces are supposed to break and how damaged can we allow ourselves to get before we throw these belief systems out the window and accept that this type of love isn’t healthy?
I now know what I would like my relationship with my future partner to feel like, and that is the first step towards being open to receiving this gift. My heart is healing and that is a slow process, but it was necessary to hurt to have learned what I learned.
You cannot continue to give to another person when you are not at your best; when you are so broken, so beaten down that you have no energy left. She writes to share the lessons she has learned with others, and to re-read them as a reminder when she gets stuck.
I have found as I become more centered and spend more time in the now, my capacity for love is increasing. But I wanted her to know that she meant the world to me, even through all of the bad times we went through. What if immense love is there but the skill set of the partners is not and fights occur frequently including the exchange of harmful words? I am learning people tend to seek or end up with people that relate to their pasts, that satisfy previous or current unmet needs, people they can project their own issues on, and that they can have other;s issues projected on. I guess that in my own process in recent times I have come to question whether we ever love others in just the same way they may love us. It hit so close to my heart I took it as a sign of acceptance and letting go with no resentment towards the other person. I was in a relationship for 5 years that ended up turning toxic when my boyfriend started to get into drugs.
I didn’t really know how to handle his drug abuse, or his verbal abuse, but I loved him and dearly wanted to be with him.
I believe that I can only appreciate the relationship I have now because of what I went through. He says its over and I really believe he wont see me but strangely enough I leave in his apartment (rent needs to be pay as well as the utilities) and I am not from here. I’m still friend with him on some social media and today, from one picture, I feel that he has new girl friend. After some months from his leave, cut off my hope and dreams for future with him, I found that the most difficulty is the lost of my dearest listener who I trust the most and would like to share my real thoughts daily, which makes me feel terribly lonely now. I told myself when my last relationship failed that I would never put myself in a situation where I didn’t know where I stood in someone’s life again; where I felt unsteady and unloved. When talking has failed and words no longer have meaning, this is when you know it is over. Since I have learned to love without expectation or assumption, I don’t think I will experience unrequited love. I have recently fallen in love with a wonderful women that unfortunately does not feel the same as I do at this time. It is going to be hard to leave my best friend and Soul Mate, but I have to find strength in knowing that it wasn’t in the books for us. This could be personal development, communication, psychology related to the past, lack of experience (not just experience, good experience).  I am on a break, and I can assure you there is no lack of love. I like the idea that we can each love in our own unique, strange, wondrous, colourful ways… sometimes I think of it as being like jigsaw puzzle pieces. I’m still supportive of her and there to help her through rough times if I can because I do love and care, but something changed one day when I stopped hoping for things to be like they were when we met. We were high school sweethearts, then in our second year of college he started doing oxycontin. Part of it was because I was afraid of being alone (I had been his girlfriend since I was 16, I didn’t know life without him!), and part of it was because I thought me leaving him would drive him further into the world of drugs.


I’ve been in that crappy relationship that hurts and hurts, and I now have the most wonderful man in the world who cries when I cry.
But they're a bit more complicated, and a lot less comfortable, which is why most people never manage to learn them.
Unfortunately, the same rule applies to all talents, even unsavory ones: get naked for one person and you might just make them smile, get naked for fifty million people and you might just be Kim Kardashian.
However, I took seriously his threat and I looked for counseling with this priest I mentioned, and periodical talks with a marriage counsel, I read a marriage book and so on during the 2 weeks he was abroad.
I am sad that he can’t see I need a car to buy food (I have buy just the essential but I have lost weight as I do not have enough food) and now that he left to his dad funeral he did not leave me car as he left it in the house of his friend where he is staying. It has been some months, and he has no reason to commit with the past relationship with me.
If your love is shared and you are both happy I assume you wouldn’t have to question love at all. I’m also grateful to my friends and family who helped me to pick up the pieces when I didn’t have the energy to do it alone. When you feel like this, you have to do what is best for the relationship and for each other and wave the white flag to avoid further damage. Please don’t do more damage to your heart by trying to fix something that has passed its expiration date.
It hurts and I feel helpless… but this article helped somewhat (though I burst in tears at some points). And while the present moment is generally great, I fall in the trap of continually of wanting more from the relationship and pushing into the future at a rate she is not comfortable with. Better advice might be to tell people to go out and meet new people, get out of the house, etc. I’m on the other side of that kind of pain from a similar loss, and want to say that it will get better, I promise! Two weeks ago I was holding onto her for dear life (literally on a roller coaster as she gets sick) and now we are not on good terms. The screaming matches, the cursing at each other, and the snide insults should have been enough for me to walk away, but I loved him. With all that new information I came to learn that I was doing things wrong (him too) but the only things I could focus on changing were mine.
If in love you find yourself in a sticky situation like I was, please stop picking at scabs. If they do, then our relationship will evolve, if they don’t I have the joy of loving them. I never imagined that I would ever be happy again after that difficult relationship and breakup, but I’ve never been more consistently happy, balanced, and joyful than I am now. Not hoping for the future whether good or not so good just taking it in, enjoying simple love with no stress or burdens attached and knowing when enough is enough. I decided to summarized the things I should work on that actually affected him without knowing he would be willing to listen to me when he return home to pick up his clothe and leave.
He has been my fiance’ for 2 years, I have been waited with all trust, he has all love from my family. This has recently created a small rift between us, and may eventually force us apart if we can’t get on the same page.
And speaking about love, we must love and honor ourselves before we take the step of loving someone else. Even now, sometimes I think if he wants to be back, I can forgive and start over again because I love him.
And sometimes it leaves me feeling badly about the whole situation, badly about myself and badly about her.
Not at first, mind you, and I needed several months of grief counseling and a grief support group, but at the end of the day, I’m strong enough. One lesson for me is to learn how to grieve, as I have the belief that knowing how to grieve makes it possible to be close to others.
But this speed of getting a new girl hurts me a lot and question me what kind of love we had, what kind of marriage we prepared in our mind. Now, starting to date a new man whom I met when I was perfectly happy to be single, I find myself opening more slowly, but also being able to be more honest because I know how damaging ambivalence, ambiguity, and misconceptions can be. Another lesson is to keep working on my inner strength (calming my lizard) as a single person, as I will need that skill in any intimate relationship. It makes me truly enjoy every moment that we are together, and reminds me to keep the rest of my life just as vibrant and exciting, so that I’m not expecting this new person to fulfill everything for me.



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