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Cheating on two unique partners in two totally different but equally destructive relationships certainly doesn't qualify me as an expert in cheating, but it does give me a bit of insight into the complex psyche of a person who commits infidelity.
I wanted to show my boyfriend that he was lucky to have me, that I could hurt him, that I was someone’s first choice, that I, too, was a catch and not just a burden. I found out about his transgressions after he bragged about his conquests to some of his guy friends. Though he vehemently denied it, there was plenty of irrefutable evidence to confirm his indiscretions.

In retrospect, though, revenge is childish and accomplishes very little, and I should have handled things differently.The second time I cheated, it was on an emotionally unavailable boyfriend. Though I suspected his infidelity (late text messages, unexplained disappearances), he always figured out a way to make me feel like I was a paranoid schizophrenic concocting elaborate stories in my mind. Before that relationship finally came to a volatile end, I cheated on him with a perfectly nice guy who I didn’t particularly like very much.
Despite my lukewarm feelings for this guy, I went through with it just to get the upper hand, to get the validation and confidence I needed to enable me to finally walk away from a relationship that was slowly crushing me.

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