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05.12.2014
We left off last week with Captain Adora pulling the wool from her eyes and realizing that Hordak is one bad dude.
They manage to defeat the defenses, then Battle Cat busts through the sealed door on the end of the hall. Back on his throne in the Fright Zone, Hordak recognizes just what a threat He-Man is to him. Back in the whispering woods, Glimmer is begging Prince Adam not to go to the Fright Zone and to stay with her.
In the Fright Zone, Hordak is showing Adora, Shadow Weaver and some snotty little pig-faced imp the most powerful weapon in Etheria, the Magna Beam Transporter. As Hordak continues to bitch about needing more rebels to fuel his Magna Carta Beam Transporer, Shadow Weaver suggests that the patrol will be back shortly and may have captured more rebels. However, when Adora realizes that Hordak intends to put He-Man in into the energy collector down in the “plunder room”, she protests. Upstairs somewhere, Adora is tossing and turning in bed, muttering about how “it’s evil” in her sleep.
The Sorceress reveals that she has a twin brother she was stolen from as an infant, and that she should take her sword and pledge her allegiance to some mysterious society, or thing that she really knows nothing about. She-Ra drags him out of the building, but, after some mumbling from He-Man, understands that he needs his power sword. Just as Hordak has cornered He-Man with a bunch of goons, She-Ra swoops in on that fancy horse of hers and carries He-Man away. He-Man is still a little skeptical, but when She-Ra mentions the “woman in the sword”, He-Man asks to see her sword. To lead us into next week’s continuation, He-Man tells She-Ra she should take her time before making any decisions about turning into a superhero.
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Meanwhile, Glimmer and the other rebels were sneaking into the mines to free the enslaved villagers. Our furry villain reveals his name as he pounds on the defense system console then radios his master, “Grizzlor to Hordak, Grizzlor to Hordak”.
Kowl floats down from above, apparently having escaped notice, and therefore being paralyzed.
On Hordak’s orders, Grizzor gets after He-Man, sending a bunch of Horde Troopers after him. Hordak discusses this with Shadow Weaver when Captain Adora rises up through the floor, her new power sword drawn.
Then she takes the sword, which she believes has something to do with Adora’s sudden personal rebellion.
Right about then, the machine is fully charged and He-Man has dropped to the ground, drained.
While escaping on horseback, She-Ra makes a couple of lame cracks about sisters and brothers, which go way over He-Man’s head.
He-man looks into the crystal, well, more like peeks into it, then asks if the Sorceress can hear him. The only people who knew the truth were King Randor and Queen Marlena, Man-At-Arms, and the Sorceress herself.
Nearby, Captain Adora is still wandering around discovering the atrocities done in Hordak’s command.


Battle Cat makes a run for him, but a door on the opposite side opens, revealing Hordak, Shadow Weaver, and Grizzlor.
She definitely spots the guards, but Hordak is upset to see that, not only have they not captured any more rebels, but also one of them is missing. She starts to draw her laser pistol, but He-Man pushes it back into her holster with just one finger, saying, “Oh, you don’t need that.” She’s still under Shadow Weaver’s spell, so she’s resistant.
Adora crawls over to the window, making a stink face as she remarks that something strange is going on. She throws the sword to him and buys enough time for him to mutter his magic phrase to repower himself. She-Ra plays him though, she swoops down and lassos a large boulder and throws it in the way of the beam. Except that he did a song with Rob what's-his-face from Matchbox 20 (later Matchbox Twenty - how asinine, douche-bags) and Michelle Branch (where the fuck did that chick go?).
An as-yet-unnamed villain, emblazoned with the horde symbol is sitting at a security monitor chuckling as he watches the rebels enter.
First this He-Man guy shows up, then Adora has this weird sword, then she’s snooping around the territory and accusing her master of being an evil fucking fascist. Bow gives him a long-winded, obviously smitten send off, saying, “You are a brave man, Adam. So, what Hordak likes to do is take pissed of villagers that he’s captured and hook them up in little cages so that the machine is fueled by their rage and injustice and fury. She raises her sword and says, “For the honor of Grayskull!” and she flashes her first recycled animation clip at us. Hordak is not feeling too threatened because he was able to charge his machine, so he continues on with his plan to teleport the Whispering Woods to the endless Pit of Despair.
Hordak is pretty stoked to have wasted a beam on a boulder, but he says he still as enough charge for one more shot. She tells him his task is complete, but He-Man is bitter because he doesn’t know the rest of the story. She’s invited back to Eternia but obviously can’t leave now – she has to help the rebellion. Prince Adam and Adora show up in the Whispering Woods where Adora and Prince Adam explain why Adora is good now.
Likely mistaking this for He-Man asking her to come with him on a quest for a threesome, Glimmer announces that she’s in. Hordak brings it up on a monitor and shows it disappearing into the valley of the lost, from which no thing and no one has ever returned! But, there’s something off about him, like the blonde hair spilling out from under the helmet. She claims to remember what their las conversation was like – did she go out and see what the Horde is really like? Before he can shoot, He-Man punches the battery tank and releases all the stored up angry-juice. The Sorceress tells her to comeback anytime, then the now levitating swords spin tip down then falls out of the sky form a considerable height, which would be sufficient to kill someone.
I'm a huge Marilyn Manson fan (along with many other bands and styles of music), and I used to be [email protected] Satan on Fire was a side project Manson had back in his pre-fame days in Florida.
Apparently one of the guards heard the guy that lives in a nearby home complain about the horde’s taxes being too high, so they’re here to destroy his house.


Bow draws an arrow, but Shadow Weaver uses a green gas that she has conjured to temporarily paralyze the rebels. Good fortune speed you on your mission.” Prince Adam responds, laughing awkwardly, “Uh, yeah, well, thanks.
Have they ever stopped to consider that maybe it leads to paradise and that’s why no one has ever returned? Alas, this scrappy little guy that Hordak has captured only fills the energy meter by one bar.
Hordak figures out that it’s He-Man and plans to stop him, until Shadow Weaver points out that He-Man could probably single-handedly power the transporter ray.
Adora determines it’s for the best because then the rebels will be no more, and that’s good for Etheria. She takes off on her winged horse and leaves He-Man to bypass some guards by jumping through the ceiling up to where Hordak is.
The King and Queen had twins (duh!), and then the horde showed up on Eternia but the Royal Army and the Sorceresses magic held them at bay. That is, until He-Man’s face shows up behind the strange spike-sphincter door, then smashes through it and politely suggests it’s time to go.
Hordak decides he better regroup in the Fright Zone and try to make a play for their next opportunity.
Anyway, he’s going to get this transporter fully charged, he’s just going to transport the whole fucking Whispering Woods along with all the rebels in it. Hordak reveals himself and congratulates his Force Captain, then orders his guards to stop He-Man.
Nearby by, Shadow Weaver has both the power swords stuck into a stone as she inspects them. As she turns to leave, the Sorceress appears in the crystal of the lady-power sword and implores Adora to seek her destiny, to do what she knows in her heart to be right, and to use the sword to guide her to it. They all open their eyes in a terribly wound up state – their own rage returned, probably amplified by being mixed in with He-Man’s juice. He tells He-Man that he wants to know why he’s come to Etheria, and leaves him to consider this against the consequences of something unspeakable happening to his friends if he does not reveal his purpose. He blocks all of their shots, but then Adora just shoots him in the back, rendering him unconscious.
So I just threw in an extra "a" and "n", and now I have been Santanaonfire for over a decade. I don’t even know where to start counting all the prisoners in there he probably killed… I’m just going to call it an even 100.
She observes that the swords are not of this world and have a strange power that she cannot control. In retrospect, Santaonfire might have been more fitting, as I love the visual it invokes, and Santa is just an anagram of Satan (kinda makes you think, doesn't it?). She’s going to need to study her books, but Hordak is not concerned, because by the morning He-Man will be drained and the rebellion will be lost.
But ultimately, it wildly amuses me that I have no particular affinity for Carlos Santana, despite my chosen handle.



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