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12.08.2013
Mean Menu style requires jQuery library version 1.7 or higher, but you have opted to provide your own library. Abuse is any attempt to gain power or control over another person using physical, emotional, or sexual tactics.
Physical abuse is any behaviour that is meant to control or cause harm to another person’s physical freedom, using physical force or physical presence to intimidate. Emotional abuse is the intentional manipulation of another person’s feelings or thoughts in order to gain power over them. Assertiveness is standing up and expressing oneself in a way that does not violate or discount the basic rights of another person. Understand what boundaries you need in a given situation and understand the boundaries of the other person(s) involved. Try to ensure that your non-verbal communication is assertive but not attacking, blaming or self-depreciating. Be direct and clear with your message without hinting, making excuses or beating around the bush: mean what you say. At Coffee Hour on January 25th, representatives from MIT Community Wellness spoke to Sidney-Pacific residents about relationships.
After brainstorming warning signs of abusive relationships, Sidney Pacific residents started coming up with components of healthy relationships.
Growing up, my parents told me that if I had a few good friends I should consider myself lucky. When my parents said that I'd be lucky to have a few good friends, they meant close friends who I could confide in and trust.
In contrast, I've also had friendships with people who seemed to be principled and decent humans, but turned out to be shallow, fake, backstabbing, users, or emotional black holes. Over the years, there are certain key features I've noticed in good friends and bad friends. When you're having a bad day or are being treated unjustly, a good friend will be right by your side. It's very hard to watch a friend being mistreated—especially if you know the person doing the mistreating. I've had "friends" who make critical statements about my life choices before and I'm very quick to show them the exit door. Everyone has a few secrets or things they'd rather keep to themselves, but the best of friends will know almost everything about you.
Finding out a friend has deceived you, for whatever reason, is probably the most damaging and painful thing that can happen to any friendship. Maybe you don't mind having friends that enable your bad choices, criticize you, hold you back or lie to you. Poor Excuses is a place to share your experiences about the time when you stopped making excuses and started making changes in order to better yourself.
You may or may not have noticed that the majority (OK, all) of my posts on this site are fairly humorous.
It is the direct, honest expression of one’s own feelings or opinions without undue anxiety, guilt, or anger.


Respecting yourself and your right to voice your opinion is crucial to coming across assertively. For example, your tone of voice, facial and body expression need to be consistent with your words: be aware. The discussion started off with a sobering statistic: 1 in 3 American women will be victims of relationship abuse during their lifetime (American Psychological Association). Or, you refuse to use safer sex methods after your partner has requested or you make your partner feel scared. Friends who wouldn't just be in my life for a year or two, but instead would be friends that would be in my life until we're sporting silver hair and matching silver walkers. They shouldn't aim to change you—with the exception of helping you achieve your goals. Most kind-hearted people feel the urge to jump into the middle of another friend's battle and start swinging. It's one thing to joke around with your friend if you know that they can take a little friendly fire. Once you know that your friend can't be trusted, that thought is always in the back of your mind. But, you're going to have a lot of shallow, short associations with people that will never amount to anything more than being someone to hang out with. Friends you can confide in, who know your deepest, darkest secrets and support your future ambitions are rare and will last a lifetime. In a collaborative effort, residents came up with verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual aspects of healthy and unhealthy relationships. In fact, the end of a bad friendship is generally a relief—much like removing a cancerous tumor. It's not always 100 percent accurate, but it's been a great field guide for differentiating between a healthy friendship and an unhealthy one. They should do what they can, when they can, to give you the best possible advantage of attaining whatever will make you happy.
A good friend will offer advice when they can, or just listen when they have no advice to give. If you are an introvert who wishes you got out more, a good friend will gently push you into doing more social activities.
But, if there is too much truth in your jokes or if you blatantly criticize their choices, you are not being a good friend. Good friends will inspire you to try new things, take healthy risks and push yourself to reach your goals. It's one thing for a friend to bug you to come out for a night on the town when they know you'd have fun once you're out.
The relationship will never be the same because you now know that they don't respect you enough to be honest with you. Some of the characteristics of unhealthy or abusive relationships seemed obvious, such as physical violence.
But, they shouldn't support something that they see as being detrimental to your happiness or future goals.


Above all, a good friend will help you find the strength to overcome your obstacles and cheer you on along the way. If you're trying to lose weight, a good friend will help steer you away from bad menu options and maybe even join you at the gym when you need extra motivation. You may think you are helping them be the best version of themselves, but being mean is never the best way to change someone's mind. A good friend will get excited when you want to take on a new challenge or make positive changes in your life, and they will do what they can to help. It's another thing altogether for a friend to bug you go out when they know you have an early morning appointment the next day or are trying to watch your spending. Even if there has only been one incident, it is not appropriate to contextualize physical violence: it is a warning sign of probable escalation that must be taken seriously.
I've told her this and we laugh about it now.) After we spent more time together, I discovered that she's the most genuine, compassionate, hardworking and fair-minded person I've ever met.
When you let friends make unhealthy decisions without at least warning them of the consequences, you are basically enabling their demise. Any time you had to do something difficult but knew it was for the best is a time when you said, “No more poor excuses!” And, we want to hear about it!
A partner can be verbally or emotionally abusive, and this should be taken no less seriously. So this month, with Valentine’s Day just passed, let’s take a moment to celebrate healthy relationships!
And, if you don't respect or trust someone, then what's the point of pretending to be their friend?
Sharing what you learned from an awkward or painful time can inspire others to stop making their own poor excuses and help them to become the best version of themselves.
Indeed, this type of abuse can precede physical violence, and should be seen as a red flag. A good friend offers an objective voice of reason and a helping hand to dust you off after the battle is done. Verbal abuse is expressed through the way one partner communicates with the other, such as in a threatening, disrespectful, or humiliating manner.
The abuser may blame their actions on alcohol, or their temper: remember, there is never any excuse for abuse.
In all types of abusive relationships, one partner employs a pattern of controlling behavior used to gain power over the other person in the relationship. Be there for them, and refer them to MIT Medical’s 24-hour confidential Violence Prevention and Response hotline: 617-253-2300.



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