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15.10.2014
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January 29, 2014 By Melanie Harth Leave a Comment Increase self-esteem and begin blossoming into yourself — it’s a beautiful thing! We don’t much need to worry anymore about being lunch, but our brains still have that primitive fight-flight-freeze instinct.
When you focus on the positive, you’re inviting balance and harmony into the lies of I can’t, I’m not ready, I’m not safe. And very importantly for people suffering from low self-esteem, it also invites more of what’s actually true to join the party.
Almost immediately, Joanne saw how much of her time and energy was being wasted on negative self-talk.
She got much faster at hearing her own inner critic, that always-ready perfectionistic voice telling her she was doing it wrong, or wasn’t qualified to go after the job she wanted … you know that voice, right?
Once she understood that these negative, fear-based thoughts a) weren’t even true, and b) had been making most of her decisions for her, Joanne was then able to begin choosing more mindfully.
No, it is not selfish or self-absorbed or narcissistic to hold oneself in (humble) high regard. 5. Create short, simple, sweet little intentions each week reminding your brain to focus on the positive. In last weeks post, Part 1: The Confusion with Self-Care, I introduced, Sarah, a married mother of two, working part-time, experiencing significant stress, decreased energy and little enjoyment in her life.
When I started working with Sarah, her main goal was to feel happy, increase her energy and decrease fatigue.
Self-care is a term used to describe how a person takes care of oneself in a series of behaviors in the following categories: physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual care. Self-care is engaging in behaviors that enhance and contribute to one’s well-being and overall life satisfaction and happiness.
Routine self-care is often beneficial when a person experiences stress; self-care improves coping skills. The goal in self-care is not to be perfect in all areas, rather, incorporating self-care behaviors over time into one’s lifestyle. In terms of emotional and cognitive self-care, Sarah started almost every day with negative thinking toward herself.
One of the areas of self-care that needed immediate attention was increasing support in Sarah’s life. I worked with Sarah for almost a year to increase and improve her own well-being through self-care behaviors. I hope this post inspires you to take small steps to increase your own self-care and well-being. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Look inside yourself rather than at your external circumstances. Steer clear of materialistic, extrinsically-driven goals, such as believing that you have to own the most expensive house or car on the block.
Be an active participant in your life. Set goals and take regular, manageable steps toward the actualization of your goals.
Think positive thoughts. Become mindful of your habitual thoughts and weed out those that are negative and self-sabotaging. Meditate. Develop a regular (daily, if possible) practice of meditation, the most basic form being to sit quietly on a chair with your eyes closed, in a quiet environment, and simply notice your breath.
Get your needs met in a healthy manner. The goal here is to obtain your objective without harming anyone else, or ideally while benefitting other people, in the process.
Last updated: 1 Apr 2014Views expressed are those solely of the writer and have not been reviewed. The process of discovering yourself and understanding your plus points takes a long time but once you have reached the results and you are satisfied, thing become a lot easier.
These very few aptitudes are the must-haves in every company and as we are living in a society based on capitalism, the changes for you to work in a corporation are very high. Being in a permanent evolution and developing yourself day by day also has a significant contribution to increase your self confidence. So many people who look like they’ve got it all together — good relationships, satisfying jobs, easy lives — actually suffer from low self-esteem. She had an incredible resume of experience and talents. Attractive, smart, funny, she was interested in lots of different things, from art to politics, and from travel to architecture. She felt confused, overwhelmed by her own self-doubt and almost constant negative self-talk.
So for a few minutes in the evenings, as she was settling into bed, she wrote a little gratitude list for whatever feel-good things had happened that day.


The brain has a built-in “negativity bias” — that’s what helped keep us safe back in the days when we had a good chance of being something’s lunch.
Which was feeding her lack of self-confidence, thereby reinforcing her brain’s built-in negativity bias.
Lots of folks struggling with low self-esteem believe that it’s just selfish, sister, to do what it takes to feel good. As soon as Joanne could distinguish the truth from the monster’s lies, she really began to blossom. Keep reminding yourself that your life is worth taking the time to release these old unhealthy patterns. Well, of course, through living your own life and reaching into the depths to discover the gold.
Assess: Take an inventory of what self-care behaviors in the categories of physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual care you engage in on a regular basis.
Set aside time: If you want to increase self-care, not only do you need to plan, you need to set aside and schedule the time to do so.
Her thoughts included negative self-talk statements, centered on putting herself down for eating too much the day before, being out of shape, and not being a good mom or wife because she was often irritable with her children and husband. Through awareness, planning and support, Sarah was able to meet her goals of increasing happiness, decreasing stress and enjoying her life in a more meaningful way. It does not mean that we are proud, arrogant, or think that we’re inherently better than other people, but that we feel worthy of respect and as if we are of value. Also, recognize that your best may vary from day to day, based on factors such as how much sleep you got the previous night, the types of food you’ve been eating, how much work you have on your plate, and your social interactions. Although teamwork can create a powerful synergistic effect, don’t sit on your hands waiting for someone else to pick up the ball. Create a clear vision of who and what you want to be, and rehearse this imagery in your mind.
Secondly, take good care of your health, eating nutritiously, getting sufficient sleep, exercising on a regular basis, and making room in your schedule for rest and relaxation. When distractions arise, as they will inevitably do, just notice them and quietly bring your attention back to your breath. So, rather than being passive (meaning that you respect other people but not yourself) or aggressive (meaning that you respect yourself but not other people), act assertively, demonstrating respect for all involved. You increase your self confidence, start to trust yourself more than you did before and your expectations are higher. The trainings and extra courses that are being offered to employees can be a good and smart opportunity for you to extend your abilities.
Pretending to feel good, walking around all puffed up and fabulous at everyone else’s expense, that’s self-absorbed narcissism. Sarah was in a cycle of getting through the things in her day that had to be done; work, taking care of her children, managing the demands of maintaining a home-cooking, shopping, cleaning. Perhaps you make time for physical and emotional self-care through exercise and reaching out to maintain friendships, which is a strength. Now, it is unbelievable how challenging it is to find time alone without taking care of someone.
As moms, we will make sure our children have everything they need-meals, snacks, clothes, sleep, medical appointments, play-dates, time learning, relaxing and pursuing interests.
Sometimes our family and friends become accustomed to us being available whenever there is a need, request or demand.
We started with basic physical self-care; Sarah needed a more healthy, balanced sleep routine. While she showered in the morning she often continued the negative self-talk frustrated with her body and physical shape.
She had isolated herself from friends; often declining social events and had trouble returning phone calls.
Even if you don’t feel grateful, rehearse gratitude, by writing a daily or weekly gratitude list, thanking people who have helped you or brought love into your life.
If your mind wanders 100 times during your meditation practice, this just means that you have 100 opportunities to rehearse regaining your focus. So, first you need to identify what you need and then define what your choices are for getting those needs met.
However, by utilizing some of the above suggestions on a daily basis, you will be on your way to a deeper sense of contentment with yourself and life in general. Think of all your accomplishments and make sure these reflect your preparation and qualities. Do not forget that passion and commitment are two key words of success and once you get them, you can be sure that you have started to increase your self confidence!


Which can then result in a cascade of self-soothing behaviors that become addictions, if not dealt with early in the game. This damaging cycle can take over your whole life.
If so, I would suggest starting small and working to find one way to add this category into your routine. I am also a mother to four daughters, ranging in age from three to eleven, including a set of fraternal twins. While we take appropriate action toward our goals, they don’t define who we are as people.
Taking consistent, healthy risks help build up your self-confidence and novelty enlivens you. In addition to using your breath as your focus, you can simply sit or take a walk and think about pleasant, peaceful, happy things. If you are working in a company, you can increase your self confidence already by pointing out your management skills and your leader aptitudes.
If you only have one way to take care of yourself, such as exercise, you may find overtime, the benefit you experience from exercise plateaus. Sarah and I focused on actively decreasing her negative self-talk about how she felt about her body and her choices.
Instead of talking with him about what she needed, she kept her feelings of stress and being overwhelmed to herself. Similar to many women, I have multiple roles I juggle at any given moment: wife, mother, friend, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, volunteer, psychologist and last but not least,person. Thus, our self-esteem remains independent of our achievements or what other people think of us, although we still strive to maximize our potential.
Although your current circumstances may not be exactly what you might have ordered, they still contain blessings.
While you may not end up getting everything you think you need (often in hindsight this is a blessing), you will have acted in a honorable way, which will bolster your self-esteem all the more.
You are able to communicate, to express yourself, both in live dialogues and in letters and e-mails.
Similar to many women, she felt guilty taking time for herself; she equated time alone not engaged in activities for her family as selfish and indulgent. By actively pursuing various ways to take care of yourself, you diversify the ways to cope with stress and manage the roles in your life. Take some time and reflect what activity you used to do; an activity you miss that you would like to incorporate back into your life. If you have not been to your physician in years, schedule your annual exam at a lunch break. Set the expectation with all family members that during this time you will be taking care of yourself. Sarah did not want to give up watching television as a way to unwind at the end of the day. We spent time in therapy exploring ways to understand how negative self-talk was not productive, motivating or helpful.
Sarah thought because she worked part-time, most of the childcare and household responsibilities should be her responsibility. The biggest challenge for me is how balance my roles and to take care of others, whether children or supporting clients, while maintaining my own well-being. Our work began exploring how to balance the demands of taking care of her children and other responsibilities with taking care of herself.
If you can not think of an activity you used to do, take some time and think about what area of self-care you need most right now. So she came up with a plan to reduce the amount of time in front of the television and computer to one and a half hours, followed by adding reading back into her nightly routine.
Our work over time focused on increasing time with her husband several times a week, where they would spend time supporting one another instead of going over the schedule or list of household tasks that needed to be done.
Make a list of all of the self-care behaviors you would like to incorporate into your life. Time is a scarce resource for most parents, start small, even fifteen minutes of self-care can be restorative. While it was challenging at first, she was able to talk about her needs and schedule time for herself which helped reduce the resentment and frustration she felt toward her husband.



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