Secret of a successful married life quotes,self esteem assessment adolescent,ny unemployment name change - And More

October 28, 2013 by Jenni Mullinix 10 Comments I rarely write about marriage for a couple of reasons. However, after going through a bit of a rough spot several months ago, I feel like we have something to share.
This list is mainly targeted to married couples who have committed their lives and marriage to the Lord.
It is probably obvious (but needs to be said) that each of these actions require commitment. When I asked what prompted her decision to divorce, she explained that despite their 20-year history together, she and her spouse had little in common now that the kids were older. In my friend’s situation, intimacy and romance had fallen by the wayside during the most hectic years of their marriage. I drove home that night with a heavy heart for my friend and reflected on all the marriages I’d seen implode over the past few years—marriages that I thought would last a lifetime.
I thought long and hard about what keeps a marriage from falling apart, and why my own relationship has stayed afloat despite the rough seas we’ve encountered.
But the biggest obstacle in our marriage has always been my struggle with clinical depression. Our willingness to tackle all of these obstacles comes from facing them together rather than apart and in sharing the victory of our achievements. Appreciation, communication, kindness, trust and forgiveness are important keys to the success of my marriage, along with a heavy dose of humor. And I can show my husband every day that I’m a better person because of the love he has given me. Marcia Kester Doyle is the author of the humor book, “Who Stole My Spandex?” and the voice behind the popular blog, Menopausal Mother. Another important key to a strong marriage is the ability to discuss financial and legal issues in an upfront and honest way, where both partners take equal responsibility. No what really happens is that people change and it’s not always together or for the better.
I guess I don’t understand the hand wringing that always happens during discussions of divorce. Because or marriage is so important, we have made major changes in our lives to ensure that he doesn’t have to work as hard, thus giving us more time to spend together. I am the happiest wife when we spend quality time together, as a family and of course when it’s just the two of us. For my husband, PHYSICAL TOUCH and WORDS OF AFFIRMATION are his two biggest love languages. I share all this to say that while we love each other, we have different ways of expressing our love and different concepts of how we want to be loved. There are MANY factors that go into a successful marriage, this is just one thing that helps us. Whenever we start to feel a shift in our marriage, remembering one another love languages helps us to center ourselves. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !! Modern MarriedRelationship Advice For Women on How To Create a Life You Love with the Love of Your Life Learn How to Create a 5 Star Marriage with "The Love Upgrade" + VIP access to our classes and coaching programs. I am eternally grateful to my podcast co-host CJ Blaquera  (brilliant weight loss coach by the way) for introducing us. I mention that we met at a retreat because Barb is really passionate about why it’s important to take time to breathe, step away, and literally go away, to re-connect with your inner self. Today, Barb is taking us on a mental retreat into self worth with a few marriage tips on the side.
BARB: I am a wife and mother of 3 fabulous kids (I can say that, I’m their mom!) and have always known one of my purposes in life was to get married and raise a family. I am a Productivity Coach for 4 Keller Williams Real Estate offices and run my own life coaching practice that focuses on helping women realize their worthiness.  I am a yoga enthusiast – so much so I became certified to teach – enjoy communing with nature, love to travel and anything to do with chocolate!
One of my favorite ways to spend time is in my screen porch, reading a good book with a lovely cup of tea. No matter how you slice it, it all comes down to “Am I enough?”  Helping my clients learn to love themselves and grasp their inherent worth is more than rewarding – it’s magical.
MM: One of my favorite management principles is “Stop, Start, Keep” the idea is that there are things we should stop doing, start doing and keep doing that will make us successful.
BARB: I’ve always thought it would be so fun to lead a small group of women on an overnight retreat – so much connection, learning and reflection – what’s not to love!  I’ve also noticed so many of my clients struggling with the same issues – What is enough?
I first learned how powerful the breath is when I started practicing yoga several years ago.
So, the next time you’re at your desk or stuck in traffic and you feel yourself starting to hyperventilate, just try taking a deep breath through your nose, expanding your belly out, holding it for a second and them exhaling through your mouth, while your belly contracts. A sought-after workshop leader and inspirational speaker, Barb Churchill has been mentoring working women for over twenty years. I help Smart, Soulful, Successful women (just like you!) have healthier, happier, sexier marriages using simple tools I share on the blog and in my personalized coaching programs. After years working on the HR side of luxury hospitality, I realized, 5 star hotels are fabulous, but 5 star marriages are even better! Plus regular bursts of soul-filled, love-soaked inspiration + VIP access to our classes and coaching programs. First, before we were even married my husband and I determined to protect our marriage by not talking bad about each other to other people or sharing our relationship problems with another party unless we agreed to go to someone together for counsel. Through several discussions as we were getting our marriage back on track, we determined that these five things have been keys to keeping us together. Matt and I strongly believe that having a Christ centered marriage is vital to having a successful marriage. Learn to Listen – You know the saying that God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason? Pray – The only reason I put prayer above reading the Bible, is that you can talk to God anywhere and anytime.
Without Jesus, how do marriages even last, because only through His word are we transformed in a way to die to self and serve another? I think that it’s great that you and your husband started going on weekly dates once you had an empty nest.
My husband and I also made a pact that we would talk about any issues instead of just letting them fester. She and her husband were strangers traveling down separate paths with very different goals in mind for the future.
While she and her husband were busy building their careers, rushing around to PTA meetings, soccer practice and pediatrician appointments, there was little time left in their schedules to reconnect on an intimate level.
How did a couple go from marital bliss to throwing emotional barbs at one another until the wreckage was beyond repair?

There were plenty of times when it was difficult to keep our heads above water, but counseling kept our relationship on track when disappointment and anger threatened to drown us. We had four young children at home and no clue as to how we were going to pay the mortgage or keep the family fed. After being together for so many years, my husband knows me well enough to read the signs when he sees the darkness that threatens to consume me.
You’re a wonderfully versatile writer, Marcia, equally adept at humour and the serious stuff. Although married for just a decade, whenever I see all the couples falling apart by the slightest blow, it makes me appreciate what I have, in terms of family and marriage. It’s too easy to blame the kids and mostly I think people use that as an excuse because it just so happens that most marriages break up during the years of raising them. When a typical family man becomes an alcohol guzzling, overweight, non-social, non-church going person who becomes completely disengaged in his own life then it’s left to the other to be both father and mother. Lovely post that gets to the real heart of why some of us can stay together and others are just there for the kids.
It is such a struggle to maintain the friendship we share in the midst of raising very young children, but overtime we make an investment in that direction, it is so worth it!
I’ve often wondered why husband and I have lasted through all the bad and good and you nailed it.
After 20 years people change, and it makes no sense for two people to stay together who are no longer happy there. When spouses deal separately, it typically leads to distance… and that can be hard to recover from.
Support and care and just being there for each other for the long haul is what glues a marriage together. When Grey was a newborn and I would be awake for days at a time, there was one night when I got up to feed him as I did every two hours like clockwork. As you can see, the rank of our love languages are different which can cause friction when we’re not paying attention. It needs to tend to daily and when it is not, it will slowly wither until it’s no more. If you choose to research this concept and apply it to your marriage, I hope that it is just as impactful for you as it has been for millions of others, including my husband and I.
Sitting down and writing this I realized, I wouldn’t have met her in the first place if I hadn’t done just that!
And he laughs at all my jokes.  All this laughing helps us avoid taking things and ourselves too seriously. I would enter the class all hurried and rushed and an hour later, I looked like a zen master. When we fail to do some (or all) of them at any point in time, our relationship becomes strained and we begin to drift apart.
It doesn’t always happen, but we have found it to be one of the most beneficial things we do to keep our marriage strong and centered on Christ.
In order to have a successful marriage, we must be determined to do what it takes to make it successful. This is so hard for me, because I would much rather just not deal with it and just push it under the rug, but by facing the problem head on I’m not letting any other feelings of anger or bitterness creep in. For my friend, this meant starting a new chapter in her life, a time to rediscover her identity as an independent woman—something she felt she’d lost during the early child-rearing years. Their children were the glue that kept them together, and once the kids grew up and became independent, there was little worth saving from their loveless marriage. During that stormy period of our lives, we were always able to find our way back to one another, to the center of where our love first began. I was resentful and wanted so badly to blame my husband for our circumstances, but I knew that it wouldn’t help the situation.
My husband was the strict one, while I tended to be more lenient, and the friction between us resulted in numerous arguments. He gives me the time and space I need to work through my emotions, yet never fails to help me find my smile again once the storm inside me subsides. It’s the impromptu kisses, sharing a bowl of ice cream late at night, doing a silly dance to make the other one laugh, or cuddling on the couch to watch a movie on a rainy Sunday afternoon. She lives in sunny Florida with her husband and four children and can usually be found with a fan in one hand to ward off hot flashes and a jar of Nutella in the other, in case of a chocolate emergency.
Life has tested us since the very beginning when I lost my father in the first months of dating my future husband, and recently with my mom’s tumor or my premature menopause.
So it may appear I am hyper focused on the children but it’s only a reaction more than a cause. Most people wouldn’t guess we had troubles because there is none of the usual cheating, drinking, battery, etc. There are definitely struggles (especially right now being long distance) but if it’s worth it, you make it work!
Even when we hated one another we held onto the hope that things would change, the faith that it would and the willingness to do the work. There WILL be times when you need to have good things to remind you why you love this asshole you married. Frankly, expecting people to want to be together, to stay the same person, to stay compatible for the rest of their lives is absurd. BUT, your point about hope is critical — if both people want to draw closer, there is always hope. While the drive back and forth is just a small fraction of the day, it’s just the two of us catching up on each others day and checking in one another which is hard to do at home when all the attention is on parenting.
However, despite his 15 hour work day, Kenny knew that I was exhausted and instructed me to go back to bed while he fed the baby instead. For example, there was a time in our marriage when my husband did not feel appreciated although I thought I was doing a job of showing him that I did through my actions. Perhaps this is something that you can your partner can incorporate into your relationship to better understand each other.
Sure you may not notice it at first, but without fail it will die if it’s not catered to as necessary. We have a great friendship and that allows us to be honest, vulnerable, supportive of each other and to communicate openly.
We love to have fun and those little inside jokes – the ones that keep you chuckling – are priceless. Barb believes every woman should have permission to be themselves and writes regularly about embracing imperfection, tuning out the noisy world and trusting intuition. If you are near the Twin Cities or have always wanted to go on a Retreat but weren’t sure how to find one – check out all the details for Barb’s Exhale Retreat here. While we have certainly learned our share of lessons over the past few years, I still feel that I have little to offer in the way of advice. When we work together (through the grace and power of God) to put the following list into practice, our marriage becomes stronger. Don’t be in such a hurry to have your say during a discussion or argument that you miss what your spouse is trying to convey.

There have been seasons in our lives where we failed to do so for week or months and our relationship with God and each other always suffers when we fail to make reading the Bible a priority. I have found that praying together has strengthened our ability to be more vulnerable with each other and have more open conversations.
I truly believe listening demonstrates our love for one another, if listening were easier, it would be a lot less loving, yes? A woman saved by grace, a wife, a homeschool mama of two girls, a recovering overwhelmed homemaker and a heartfelt writer who is passionate about inspiring women to cultivate a joy-filled, simple life by God's grace and for His glory. The aftermath of those quarrels left us circling one another like wounded animals waiting for the next strike until we were able to reach a compromise. It’s about being best friends, choosing to make one another happy, and accepting the little idiosyncrasies that each person has. I can’t say for other couples but the suffering has definitely cemented our relationship. It’s supposed to be a team project to raise them up and support them so they become successful, productive adults.
I read Taylor Jenkis Reid book After I Do (love all 3 of her books) about a couple who takes a year off from their marriage.
There will also be times when YOU will be the asshole who needs all the brownie points you can get with your spouse. It’s a simple thing and terrible on my waist line, but everyday as I clock out, I look forward to our bit of alone time to be silly and have good uninterrupted conversation. The Exhale Retreat is all about slowing down, pausing and exhaling into the experience.  We need to take time and lean in – just be. It is only by the grace of God that we get through those difficult seasons and through His grace that we can renew our commitment to spend time in His Word together each day.
My husband and I also agree that praying for your marriage and for each other separately has wonderful benefits as well. Although his death devastated us, the experience bought us closer because we grieved together rather than apart, unlike so many couples in our grief support group who ended up divorced. Despite how scary things were, we sought financial aid but never lost faith that a better job would come along, and eventually, it did.
Either way, he holds onto me tightly so that whether we climb or fall, we always fly together. We’re on the same team, rooting for our love and the vows we shared at the altar years ago. It’s giving without expecting something in return and in letting your spouse know every day that they are loved. You are supposed to volunteer for the PTA and bake cookies and take family vacations and coach ball teams and assist with endless hours of homework. All jokes aside, we love each other and celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary over the weekend. The fact of the matter is that we show love in different ways, thus expecting to receive in the way that we give it. We’ve also been making it a point to make date nights a top priority and get away for a night or two every few months or so.
For me, I like to feel like a priority and when my husband does something thoughtful, it makes me feel special. This was a hard concept for me to wrap my brain around, but because Words Of Affirmation are important to him I had to start making the conscious decision to praise him and express my feelings of gratitude out load. The size of your ring nor details you obsess over for the perfect wedding will determine the quality of your marriage.
We have been trying to discuss issues after we’ve both calmed down and are a little more level-headed. We recently read that a marriage can be turned around by the prayers of one faithful spouse.
I grew up in a household with a lot of yelling, and I acknowledge that often people yell because they feel like they are not being heard. In an odd way, our son’s death prepared us for the heartbreak of losing some of our other family members in later years, and each time, we were there to comfort and hold one another up during the critical months of grief after their deaths. In reflecting on this, I can pinpoint a game changer in our marriage that turned things around during one of our roughest patch – The 5 Love Languages.
For example, there was time when I felt very disconnected from Kenny during my time as a stay at home mom.
This keeps things fresh and helps us to continue to find new ways to bond while still growing as individuals. Instead of blaming the other person, this concept helps us to look at ourselves and determine what we need to provide to the other person. Marriage is not is not a glamorous show portrayed in media but daily work that requires constant communication, sacrifice, patience, forgiveness and a lack of ego (on both sides). On another note, I also think it is important to learn and attempt to verbally express your appreciation for your spouse. What an encouragement to know that if you are in a place where you can’t do any of the things mentioned above, you can still pray. But when we are given to wrath, and try to assert ourselves and intimidate others with our voice, it only tends to fuel the fire, or back people into a corner, neither of which produce the results we want.
Oftentimes, couples grow apart because they’re not spending enough quality time together and end up having separate lives within their relationship.
Physical Touch is also very high on his love language, my husband is a very affectionate guy. Sometimes it’s just a matter of walking into another room for a few minutes to pray and collect ourselves so that we can more effectively communicate with one another. He would always text and call me throughout the day to tell me he loved me, but even so, things felt off. Like a plant you will grow – in some seasons of your life you will inevitably grow apart but, you will must always remember that your foundation (marriage) requires you to always come back together. Whenever we may be frustrated with something our spouse is saying or doing, take it to the Lord. I felt guilty for feeling this way knowing that a man with a strong work ethic is a great thing, but the fact of the matter is that QUALITY TIME is my biggest love language. He can speak to the heart of a man in a way that would otherwise not be received from their spouse…the battle will always be won on our knees!
A prayer journal is great too, you can look back and see how the Lord has moved time and again. At the end of the day, only God can fill the deepest needs of our hearts, so as long as we spend time receiving from Him in an intimate way, we will have much to spill over to our spouse and children.

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