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23.01.2014
The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond the academic appointment above. The Conversation is funded by CSIRO, Melbourne, Monash, RMIT, UTS, UWA, ACU, ANSTO, ANU, Canberra, CDU, CQU, Curtin, Deakin, ECU, Flinders, Griffith, the Harry Perkins Institute, JCU, La Trobe, Murdoch, Newcastle, UQ, QUT, Swinburne, Sydney, UNDA, UNE, UniSA, UNSW, USC, USQ, UTAS, UWS, VU and Wollongong. When a user creates a new account on a dating site, they may specify what kind of partner they are looking for. They don’t actually stick as rigorously to their preferences as they might have thought they would though.
Many online daters complain about the experience – women bemoan the fact that men look for younger dates and men criticise women for being too concerned by money and education. When it comes to location, long distances do not bode well when it comes to dating, although women are more likely to send and reply to messages across city boundaries.
With information like this, dating sites can track your behaviour and predict which dates might be right for you, possibly even better than you can. Now that there are so many sites to choose from, they must have a good system in place or they will simply lose custom to their rivals. Collaborative filtering algorithms not only learn the preferences of an online dater but also take information from the behaviour of other similar users.
Online dating is becoming a multi-billion-dollar industry so sites need to be better than ever at suggesting potential dates for their users.
For the most part, the pickings were bleak, but I was feeling giddy about my first date with a child psychiatrist. Before we met for coffee, I checked his profile again to look for things we might talk about. Still reeling from the shock of seeing the psychiatrist’s salary, I started to wonder: Should you list your income online? Personally, I didn’t think I’d been trying to hide anything when I’d left the salary category on my own profile blank, but seeing my date’s number made me sheepish about my own income (about $60,000 a year)—and glad that I hadn’t revealed it.
For some, ruling out possible matches based on their income means being realistic, not superficial. On the other hand, Abbamonte generally doesn’t believe a guy when he says he makes over $200,000, since there isn’t any way to verify that people are giving accurate estimates of their income. So what are the implications of indicating you don’t want to reveal your salary—or of leaving that section blank, like I did? According to the AYI survey, 82% of online daters do not answer the income question at all, and, of the people who do answer it, 40% respond “Rather not say” instead of selecting an income bracket from $0 to $150,000+. It’s no wonder Michelle Frankel, founder of NYCity Matchmaking, never lets her clients skip the salary question when she’s helping them complete their profiles.


Frankel is in the business of helping people find love online (and offline), a job inspired by her personal experience: She and her husband, 42, met on JDate in 2011. Wallach says he gave “zero consideration” to potential mates’ incomes—except when he saw they were higher than his. JDate user Yan Falkinstein, a 31-year-old attorney who lives in Northridge, California, says he doesn’t want to be judged by the number on his paycheck. There are a few reasons why I don’t list my salary on my profile—and rarely look at my dates’ incomes. More importantly, I’m a casual online dater—yes, it would be great to meet The One, but I’d also like to find someone to join me at happy hour. Amanda Clayman, a New York–based financial therapist, has a similar perspective to mine: She doesn’t believe that you should include your income in your dating profile. We use a Creative Commons Attribution NoDerivatives licence, so you can republish our articles for free, online or in print. But it seems as if hooking you up with the right person is less about what you say you want and more about how you, or others like you, behave online.
We found that people are in many ways predictable in their dating habits but they also often bend their own rules. A user might say they are looking for someone in their early 20s with at least a bachelor degree and a certain minimum monthly income. While they are more likely to respond to first contact from someone who matches their original wish list, we found that 70% of the messages sent by women and 55% of those sent by men were to communicate with people who did no meet their original criteria. While women with a larger number of photos are more likely to get messages and replies to their communications, the number of photos on a man’s profile has little bearing on the number of contacts or replies he receives. In a recent study we used machine learning methods to test out how accurate these predictions can be.
We devised a reciprocal recommendation system to match users of mutual interest according to content-based algorithms, which are based on factors that include a user’s age, education and income – and another, collaborative filtering-style algorithm, which is based on prior communications: both of the user and of other users with similar interests and attractiveness. Given that we have a tendency to make choices other than what we have predicted for ourselves in our stated preferences, this is a much more dynamic method. If you find yourself constantly going on bad dates, maybe its time to switch to a site that uses a better algorithm. There are some women who only date guys with salaries in the high six-figures, but I am not one of those women.
In the past few years, she’s made several online profiles—on OkCupid, Tinder, Match and eHarmony—none of which have revealed her (variable) income. In fact, a 2010 OKCupid report found that 20% of its users said they made more money than they really did, presumably to make themselves seem more appealing.


Interestingly, the survey also found that people who choose “Rather not say” on their online dating profile are perceived to be lower earners. Frankel and her husband both revealed their incomes in their profiles (they each made more than $150,000), and she says that the numbers “definitely” played a part in them getting together. While he ultimately decided to select the “Will tell you later” option, he initially listed his income as between $75,000 and $100,000. It seems to me that conversations about money should be reserved for people who are either in or looking for a serious relationship.
In the UK, 9.1m people have used an online dating site and one in every five new committed relationships starts online. We took factors such as a user’s age, height, location, income and education level as well as their activity, popularity on the site and their similarity with other users in terms of taste and attractiveness to others and were able to tell whether a user would reply to another’s initial contact message with 75% accuracy.
To suggest a book to a customer based on their previous purchases is a single directional process but a dating site needs to match users who might have a mutual interest in each other so they are more likely to hit it off.
We’d exchanged a few flirty text messages, and, judging by his photos, he was just my type—tall, fit and handsome, with that bald-head-and-beard look that makes me swoon. Is it better just to avoid the whole issue and wait until the relationship gets serious to discuss it? Likewise, men who say they earn more than $150,000 have the greatest chance of hearing from a woman.
Still, she always checks to see the salary of potential mates and uses that information to determine if she will give a guy the time of day. They have the same contact rates as men who make under $20,000 and women who make under $60,000. Most girls probably wouldn’t want that anyway.” But years later, Falkinstein is making $85,000 and he still doesn’t list his income. When it comes to the topic of money, it’s better to wait until you get to know each other, when it seems natural or appropriate to bring up.
We also found that women were most concerned with age, income, house, children and parent status, while men didn’t show a clear trend. I’m in the middle of a 30-day Bikram yoga challenge.) He likes books on spirituality and healing practices. But, on a practical level, I’m a freelance writer and editor, so my salary fluctuates and I’m never sure what I make each year until tax time rolls around.



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