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04.11.2013
Far out in the inland expanses of the unfashionable side of the eastern region of the city of Los Angeles lies a small unregarded engineering college. Visiting this college at a probability of roughly one in ninety-two million was an extraordinarily significant blue-eyed author whose seminal work was so amazingly influential that it still being reproduced in various media long after these particular media have become obsolete. This college has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the students at the college were unhappy for pretty much of the time.
And so the problem remained; lots of the students were drunk, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with good grades.
Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming to this particular college in the first place.


And then, one Wednesday, nearly fifty years after one mining engineer had been honored for having an enthusiastic interest in a college that taught mathematics and engineering with a particular focus on humanities and social sciences, this author walking on a treadmill in Montecito suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and he finally knew how this college could be made a good and happy place.
Sadly, however, before he could get to a podium to tell anyone about it, a terribly stupid tragedy occurred, and the idea was lost forever.
It is also the story of a mixtape, a mixtape called The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Mixtape — not an Earth mixtape, never published on Earth, and until ten years after the terrible tragedy occurred, never seen or heard of by any Earthman. In fact it was probably the most remarkable mixtape ever to come out of the great webservers of the WiredTree network — of which no Earthman had ever heard either.
Not only is it a wholly remarkable mixtape, it is also a highly successful one — more enlightening than the Celestial Helmsmanship Mix Six, more sensual than Fifty Tracks to Freak to in Zero Gravity, more sophisticated than the How to Drink on a Dozen Dimes a Day in Dublin, and more inspiring than Jack Feerick’s trilogy of excursionary compositions Lights Out for the Territories, Brother Where You Bound?, and Long Way Home.


In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the World Wide Web, the Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide Mixtape has already supplanted My Awesome Mixtape #6 as the standard repository of the finest music and audio clips, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is esoteric, or at least wildly irrelevant, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.
But the story of that terrible, stupid Wednesday, the story of its extraordinary consequences, and the story of how these consequences are inextricably intertwined with this remarkable mixtape begins very simply. And some said that even college itself had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left their parents’ basements.



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