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The psychology behind How to get back with your ex how to find the triggers that lead to reuniting the emotional connection you once shared and build it back to better than before. Recognizing why people need temporary withdrawal (a break in a relationship) and how it can be a very good and healthy thing in a relationship to build it stronger than ever before. How to start the reconnecting process the small steps in the right direction to rebuild your relationship on a solid foundation making it stronger and more fulfilling for both of you.
According to a study, science has discovered that 50% of couples that breakup get back together! Which means that your chances to get your ex boyfriend back are about as good as flipping a coin.
And if that’s not enough to get you excited about getting him back, realize that a breakup can actually make your new relationship with your ex boyfriend even stronger, allowing you to clear away the junk that wasn’t working between the two of you and move in a better direction. In the following guide, you’re going to uncover the 7 simple and proven steps that answer the burning question of how to get your ex boyfriend back in your arms for good. Because it is so innate, I begin to plot a reunion the instant my ex boyfriend told me it was over – before his Axe shower gel even had time to dissipate from the air, a reconciliation plan was set into motion. Other times, I was more subtle – “liking” a post he’s made but not commenting on it; looking for ‘semi-legitimate’ reasons to contact him (“Did you accidentally take my toothbrush?
Instead of driving the reconciliation bus at full speed (and putting yourself at risk of driving it off a relationship cliff), slam on the brakes and consider something else entirely: yourself. Among the most common mistakes women like myself make when attempting to reconcile with an ex boyfriend is forgetting about themselves – not only their needs, but their shortcomings in the relationship. That is why getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t a one step process: rather, it’s a seven-step process. Stopping all contact after a breakup is difficult: sometimes you may yearn to talk to your ex the way a junkie yearns for a fix. No texting, no emails, no comments on social media and no phone calls… not even if they only involve bouts of heavy breathing. Stopping contact tells him that he’s no longer allowed to know where you are and what you’re doing. By not asking your ex for a second chance, not calling him, not commenting on his blog, you give him the impression that you have moved on (or are at least trying to). Stopping all contact benefits you because it plays on basic human psychology: people always want what they think they can’t have.
Robert Cialdini, a leading expert on influence, has discovered something called The Scarcity Principle.
What this basically states is that people want something more if they feel as though it’s difficult to obtain.
The Scarcity Principle works for relationships because no one likes to be told the word no – humans don’t want to be told something is off limits or have their freedoms inhibited.
Thus, when they are denied what they want, they react in a way that makes them try harder to get it. For guys, in particular, the chase is part of the excitement.  By stopping all contact, that chase is reinvigorated and the attraction is compounded.
Maintaining contact, on the other hand, does just the opposite: it tells your ex that he still has you under his thumb and that he can have you whenever he wants. Ultimately, it gives him permission to do whatever he wants and take all the time he needs because you’ll still be waiting in the wings.
It tells your ex boyfriend that you’re easy to get and that makes him want to work less to obtain you. The worst part about it is you’re not actually honoring his decision for space, which communicates weakness, desperation and a lack of respect for his boundaries. Hopefully, there are more good experiences in his memory of you than bad ones, and over time, left to his imagination, the good ones will trump any recent bad ones that have surfaced around the breakup. If you’re not sure if you should try to win your ex boyfriend back, take this short quiz to find out now. Though we don’t like to admit it, breakups are part of life: the average person will go through several before they settle down (and perhaps even more after that). Some people will go through so many that arranged marriages start to actually look appealing… and not just because of the possibility of a free llama.
But, even though they’re commonplace, they still hurt: a study published in Psychology Today found that the human brain processes the end of a relationship the same way it does physical pain. Since breakups hurt us so much, some people make the mistake of reconciling just to stop the pain. Other people make the mistake of reconciling in order to have someone, anyone, in their lives: they are lonely, sad, and they want to be able to own a cat or two without the judgments and assumptions flying. Maybe they’ve dated their boyfriend for three years and feel as if not reconciling will equate to years of wasted time. To help you along the way, here are two reasons your relationship is worth a second chance.
This doesn’t mean you couldn’t have done better, but you each did all that you could, in the time that you had, with the resources and tools you had. Things were likely said that you regret or felt hurt by, yet in the end, do you still respect your ex boyfriend’s character?
Your relationship is worth fighting for if you’re putting priority on the relationship, rather than your own validation. If you want to reconcile because you simply want to be in a relationship, close your computer, get gussied up, and hit the town: it’s time to find someone new.
The fact remains that getting back with an ex for the wrong reason (or reasons) isn’t fair to anyone involved. If you’re still unsure, my team and I have designed a free quiz that can help you finally choose whether or not you should walk away or do what it takes to get your guy back. Do #2: Channel the Spice Girls and ask yourself what you want, what you really, really want. Don’t #2: Reconcile just for the sake of having a date to your cousin’s wedding next month.
The third step in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back involves figuring out what went wrong.
Just as it takes two to tango, it also takes two to tangle: very few (if any) relationships end because of the fault of one person. This concept can be difficult to do: even the most modest of people have an ego that keeps them from realizing how flawed their actions were. So, start small – think of the day or the week or the minute your relationship turned and then think of what you did, what you said, or how you acted. The following is a list of possible causes for the relationship ending, once you identify the cause, you’re exponentially closer to being able to take responsibility for the shortcoming and win his trust again.


When you love someone, you want them to love you back and when you fear that they don’t, envy rears its ugly head. A relationship is no place for judgment – continually focusing on the flaws of another will leave him walking out the door rather than into your arms. The hard truth is, doing all of this – or any of it – left him thinking of you in terms of a child rather than a girlfriend. Perhaps the most deadly of all the sins, cheating on your boyfriend can take a variety of forms.
If your boyfriend is pulling away or already pulled the plug because you’re guilty of one or more of these sins, there is a way to get him back in your arms.
Once you have figured out the role you had in the relationship’s demise, assume responsibility for the part you played and set in action a plan to fix this. For example, if working long hours was one of the issues, which caused you to be controlling or withdrawal, figure out ways that you can start coming home at a decent hour. If you were overly needy, find a hobby or passion that allows you to have time for yourself (ultimately giving him time to himself). If he felt you flirted with the men at your gym, practice saying hi to them without complementing their bulging muscles (or, really, any kind of bulging).
Wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back without changing your ways is kind of like doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Of course, your ex will eventually have to change his ways as well – he brought flaws to the relationship too.
You take all pressure off him to change by you going first without any expectation on him.   And when you change the way you listen and speak to him, he will automatically begin to speak and listen to you differently in time. Do #3: Look inward and take responsibility for what you’ve done – you don’t need to change completely, but work honestly on your imperfections. Step number four in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back involves getting back in contact after a good amount of time has passed.
So, if it hasn’t been at least three weeks, you need to go back to steps 2 or 3: you didn’t do them completely. However, ideally, it will have been even longer than three weeks – that gives him more time to miss you. NOTE: If you feel desperate to talk to him, or like you’re still falling apart because you’re not back with your ex boyfriend, it’s a sign you MUST wait longer. If enough time has passed and you feel ready to share the new and improved you with your ex, there are a couple ways to get back in touch with him. Option 1: Get Him Back By Texting – The biggest benefit to the text message is that it feels safe. The drawback is that it’s not wildly personal and text can be misinterpreted very easily.  According to communication psychologists, only 7% of communication is content – the other 93% is voice tonality and body language.
Option 2: Social Media – Like its cousin the text message, social media also feels somewhat safe. And believe it or not, vulnerability is key in allowing your man to actually see your intentions, hear the sincerity in your voice and feel the courage of your call.
If you’ve been able to go no-contact for the at least 3 weeks, your ex boyfriend is very likely to answer the call or call you back. If he doesn’t, simply wait a few days without leaving a message and give him another ring.
Once you have reestablished contact – assuming he is receptive – you’ll need to actually meet in person. So, as you sit down with him for the first time in what seems like forever, be on your best behavior. If, in the past, you routinely complained about his job, don’t scoff when he brings up work. If, in the past, you were too dependent on him, show him that you’ve changed by talking about your new found activities.
Instead, you must show them through repeatedly showing up in their life in a way that is congruent with the changes you’ve made.  Show them time and time, they’ll eventually begin to believe you. Don’t #4: Revert back to old habits, no matter how many times you picture his mom bleaching his boxers. A common mistake among women who are trying to get their ex boyfriend back is jumping back in right where they left off. But, as nice as it may seem to simply pick up where you left off, there are a few issues with this. First off, your relationship was broken – it will take time to reestablish trust and respect for each other.  You’re relationship ended for a reason and it’s going to take practice and awareness to instill new patterns. Secondly, acting as if nothing happened all but assures you’ll both fall back into your damaging habits and patterns, effectively destroying any chance you have at a happily ever after.
This can be hard to come to terms with: you’ve spent so much time looking forward to getting your man back now that you have him on the hook all you want to do is reel him in as fast as you can. Overall, there are two components to taking things slow: what you initiate and how you react. Other things you should refrain from initiating are moving in with each other (even if you were living together right before the breakup), speaking or communicating with each other every day or night, and spending all your weekends together.
You should treat the repair of a relationship the same way you treat the start of one: gradually increase the amount of time you spend together and allow things to solidify naturally. If he tells you that he’s not sure he wants to get back together, don’t guilt him or force him into it. If he tells you that he’s not sure you can refrain from doing (insert your shortcoming here), tell him that – you see that is clearly a problem, and you’re committing to changing for you. Do #5: Allow things to progress naturally, just like they would at the beginning of a new relationship.
Step number six in learning how to get your ex boyfriend back involves watching for the past coming back to haunt you. After you and you ex are in full swing, you’ll realize how easy it is to fall into old habits. The fact is even if you’ve worked on yourself and he’s worked on himself, problems can still arise.
In some ways, getting back with an ex boyfriend gives you an edge over couples who are on their first go around.
It’s very easy to allow the past the creep back up, no matter how hard you’ve worked to change. Allow yourself to mess up – Rome wasn’t built in a day and a person isn’t made to change overnight. Be willing to look for outside help – There is no shame in admitting you – or the both of you – need help.


Give your significant other some leeway – Just like you should be understanding with yourself, be understanding of your partner as well.
Check in with one another – Checking in with each other is kind of like getting an annual physical.
The final step in learning how to get an ex boyfriend back is often the trickiest. You’ve got him back, now you have to keep him. The two of you have past, which makes him want to chase you more than he wants to chase other women.
Just as a relationship where two people never spend any time together isn’t healthy, neither is one where they spend all their time together. So, to get your ex boyfriend back, allow this independence to foster and use it to your advantage: remember, spending a little time apart makes you better cherish the time you have together.
In the path to get your ex boyfriend back understand that being clingy can manifest in several ways.
Let him help you with little things, ask for his opinion, turn to him when you need assistance.
This isn’t to say you and your partner need to constantly be doing your best rabbit impersonation, but take time to enjoy sex with each other.
Sex can help release the stress and tension that comes with a relationship, while allowing you to gain intimate and exclusive knowledge of one another.
Getting back together with an ex will never be a fully black and white issue. Each relationship is different and most reasons for a breakup vary widely. If the above guide is an outline on how I was able to get my ex boyfriend back, then this is the bible that taught me how to do it. How to deal with your emotions about the heart wrenching breakup that has left you feeling alone and with nothing to look forward to. The personal development that can not just help you get threw the emotional roller coaster, depression, and anxiety but will make you an easier person to be in a relationship with.
If there are more bad memories than good ones, it’s worth asking the question if you should get back together with your ex in the first place. Rather, it’s more likely to feel like taking a job you hate merely because you want a weekly paycheck.
The gift of a breakup is it actually gives you the space to rekindle the love you have for yourself giving your heart the time and space to find ways to hold yourself more accountable and spend time with you. Getting back together with him should benefit both of you, not just to protect or boost your ego and certainly not to rationalize the time invested together. Thanks to Facebook and Instagram and other social media, it’s likely everyone you know is aware of the role your ex boyfriend played. Your best friend or your sister aren’t likely to be the most objective of people, but his friends, a coach, or one of your male friends might be.  This will open you up to a perspective outside your own. It can range from actually sleeping with another, to simply flirting with them (or even engaging in an emotional affair online).
You don’t have to stress about imagined crickets chirping in the background upon asking your ex to coffee.
You are putting yourself out there – way out there – but you are also demonstrating to him that you are serious about connecting. You have spent the last few weeks or months working on changing, now it’s time to prove it… not necessarily by talking about all the changes you’ve made, but by showing up in his life differently. Tell him about the pottery class you’ve joined, mention the cooking class you’re taking, talk about the girl’s weekend to NYC you’ve planned. If they were once living together, couples reunite and – boom – just like that it’s back to his and her towels.
If, for instance, he tells you that he has a date on Saturday night (with someone other than you), refrain from tossing his latte in his face and rushing out of the door in a huff. You may hang out with the same people as before, you may engage in similar activities as you used to, you may talk about the same things as you did in the past. If you were a certain way for twenty-seven years, the new you might take some getting used to. If you find yourself regressing back to old habits, give yourself a break: tomorrow is another chance. If you find that your reconciliation is too difficult to do alone, consider looking at a coach, a therapist, or the like for some assistance. You might not be having any symptoms at the moment, but putting your relationship under the microscope gives you a chance to be proactive. You’ll probably still step on a few, but, overall, you’ll be better able to navigate the field. They are forced to choose between their girl and their independence and, ultimately, they choose the latter.
Men, and many women as well, have a guttural desire to be independent – they want to enjoy their hobbies, go out with their friends, and work late without feeling as though a guilt trip will greet them the second they get home. You don’t have to be as into it as he is – you can still have a headache from time to time – but don’t put him off completely. But following the above steps will help you get your ex boyfriend back and, this time, make it last forever.
It’s not that you need to be an open book, pouring your heart out every chance you get, but ignoring your boyfriend and never telling him how you feel is the type of relationship that thrives in seventh grade, not adulthood. But, according to psychologists, it takes an average of 21 days for a person to break a habit. It gives you the opportunity to catch molehills before they have the opportunity to evolve into mountains. Some women tag along wherever he goes: out with his friends, to the bar, to his annual proctology appointment. Don’t text him constantly or call him daily. Give him time to miss you and he’ll do just that. Infatuate Your Ex reveals the step-by-step instructions to follow along with word-for-word text messages to send at what point. SCOTTSusan Ann Wall on First Glance by Kimmie Easley, Diane Rinella, Marcia James, Kelly Collins, Abbie St. Instead, play a little hard to get, be a little breezy, and make him know you are worth his effort. Some women even accuse their man of having an affair simply because he received a text message from a female.



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