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This all started because I was referencing a conversation we'd had when I was pregnant with our son. He said, "Courtney, I see you struggle with your hair, and I think it would be nice if he had my curly hair.
The rational part of me thought about what he was trying to say, but no matter how much I replayed it, it still didn't sound right to me.
Everywhere from pop culture to the hood, men are either consciously or subconsciously telling black women they aren't "wanted." I have seen black man not even look twice at black women whom I see as beautiful, yet I've seen them break their necks for decent-looking -- dare I say unattractive -- women of other races. As I've gotten older, I've met many men who will openly say they don't want a baby with a black woman.
I never understood why it makes a certain type of black man feel good to have a white woman on his arm. Even on social media, my heart will sink as I see black women I've known from high school or elementary school now say they're "black and Filipino," "black and Puerto Rican," "black and [whatever race]" -- just don't say you're fully black!
I have many black friends who would prefer to not be confrontational and would rather pretend an event never happened than address it.
Most of my friends are educated --more educated than their significant others -- and grew up in families from middle- to upper-class backgrounds. Just in case the onslaught of videos showing painstakingly choreographed flash-mob proposals or reports of day-long proposal treasure hunts aren’t enough to highlight the extremism of our current engagement culture, guys everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief, because apparently we’ve built in a trial run: The Promposal. Promposals aren’t a new trend – according to this piece from The Washington Post, they’ve been around since 2002, but they didn’t gain this level of viral ubiquity until sometime after 2007, and it would be another four years before the term “promposal” became a familiar addition to our lexicon. It isn’t news that marriage proposals – which, you know, at least usually take place between actual adults who have probably spent more than a couple of weeks making out in the back of someone’s car – are already rife with problematic concepts that reinforce harmful institutionalized ideals relating to the worth and autonomy of both men and women. Prom is, of course, certainly not a wedding, but though the stakes are obviously different, that doesn’t mean they aren’t still high. But pre-promposal, this yearly capstone event wasn’t suffering from a lack of pressure – the push toward “coupling,” expectations about dating post-prom, the expectation of sexual intimacy, the stigma of going alone, the worry over turning someone down or being turned down and, of course, the anxiety over asking in the first place. We walk this back by deemphasizing marriage proposals from their status as the way we measure how much one person loves and values their partner, as the be-all-end-all event of a couple’s lives to date (until, of course, it’s replaced by the wedding, which ALSO isn’t the be-all-end-all, that’s the marriage you’re thinking of, folks). I suggested elsewhere that we start using over-the-top proposals as the new way to ask for EVERYTHING. It seems to me that Americans have a tendency to ritualize everything and make a competition out of it.
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Divorce is stressful, from divvying up the assets to determining custody arrangements and untangling previously tangled lives.
But sometimes the best way to live a stress-free life during and after divorce is to simply let go of things you can't control. Click through the slideshow below to see what they had to say, then head to the comments to share your favorite quote or saying about moving on. I think I wouldn't really care if other races felt this way about black women, but the fact that my own men do has made me consider turning my back on them multiple times.
My boyfriend had said lightheartedly, "I hope our son has my hair." My boyfriend has beautiful, soft curls, a genetic gift from both his races.
But when, as a black man, you start saying things such as, "I don't date black women; I don't find them attractive," I think we have an issue.
It would be one thing if it were true love, but some are just doing it because they see it as a prize.
Who needs to wait around until you feel like you’ve established your own identity or bother genuinely connecting with the person you want to commit yourself to for the rest of your life before spending weeks or even months planning an epic ask? Currently, YouTube returns over 50,000 hits for videos tagged with that word, and I’ll go ahead and spare you the wasted hour – for the most part, they’re as shockingly over-the-top and ridiculous as whatever you’re imagining.
The societal expectations for marriage proposals appear practically boundaryless – why not propose by faking your own violent death? They create unrealistic expectations in people and don’t serve the same purpose as marriage proposals.
I’m really interested in hearing from high school students or recent grads about their thoughts on this. My husband can now expect an elaborate, carefully orchestrated proposal anytime I need to ask him to grab milk or something from the store on the way home from work.
And with the internet and all that you are competing against the whole world, which is tough competition, obviously. But it was just balls, not The Prom, not like, I don’t know, losing your virginity (which was not that big of a deal either). Fortunately, this one simple practice is something any couple can do and makes a huge difference. The Kid's Reaction Is Priceless Two Girls On A Subway Train Are Performing Prince's 'Kiss.' Then A Random Passenger Joins In This Video Of A Cowardly Penguin Afraid To Jump Off The Diving Board Is Gold!
From the way I spoke on the phone to the way I "act," I have been dubbed the "whitest black girl" everywhere from my hometown to a city close to the Canadian border (Syracuse, what, what!). I am intelligent, can hold a conversation and come from a background more like The Cosby Show than the PJs.
Worked for this maniac – and as these expectations have trickled down to high school students, the stunts for the next “most epic” promposal likewise grow increasingly more and more outrageous.
The more outrageous and over-the-top the promposal, the more certain she’ll feel that she can’t possibly say no.
Also, what’s the fun in getting asked if you already know how it’s going to happen? To help you move forward, we've gathered some of the best quotes on the art of letting go, from famous figures as varied as Lao Tzu and Bill Cosby. Black men are viewed as sexy and, in a sense, a 'trophy' for another race, but black women are never deemed the most attractive. Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be. I digress.) I know how to cook, and I am known for being "everyone's cheerleader" (that is, supportive).


Vanessa Williams (who, by the way, is fully black; people get off on thinking very attractive black women are mixed).
If something bothered you that much a year ago, you should have dealt with it a year ago.2.
A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support.
Holding the Relationship HostageWhat It Is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing. One can be eternally devoted to someone yet actually be annoyed or angered by their partner at times. On the contrary, two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another, only without judgment or blackmail, will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.4.
You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends.So you lash out at them for being so insensitive and callous toward you.
When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice-versa), you will develop codependent tendencies. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better.The biggest problem of developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment. There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner. If my girlfriend cannot trust me to be around other attractive women by myself, then it implies that she believes that I’m either a) a liar, or b) incapable of controlling my impulses.
But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you.
And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. This is not a gender-specific problem, but I will use the traditional gendered situation as an example. Not only does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the man, but it also gives the man absolutely no incentive to actually be accountable for the problems in the relationship.
Communicate!There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for a significant other after a fight to show solidarity and to reaffirm commitment. But one should never use gifts or fancy things to replace dealing with the underlying emotional issues.
Gifts and trips are called luxuries for a reason, you only get to appreciate them when everything else is already good.
If you use them to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problem down the line.




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Comments

  • Linkin_Park, 12.09.2015 at 21:28:12

    You that she wasn't a saint.
  • Klan_A_Plan, 12.09.2015 at 19:36:28

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