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This text is written from a subjective point of view, but everyone who has been in a similar situation can probably identify with it.
First I will write about our breakup in general, then we’ll take a look at why breaking up is usually so hard, go through the most common mistakes people do while breaking up and look at how to handle the difficult breakups. The reason for breakup was acceptable to both of us: My girlfriend told me that she hadn’t felt that excitement, that sparkle, that fire which is necessary to make a relationship more than friendly.
As my friends later told me, our situation was in every way salvageable and that we should have “fought for it”. All in all I’m very happy to have experienced this relationship and am grateful for all the good moments that we had together. Though there isn’t and shouldn’t be any officially acceptable time in which one should “get over” the relationship and find a peace of mind again, I probably found it faster than most of people do. Sure, I still that our breakup was a sad incident which I would have liked to avoid, but it doesn’t bother me daily anymore.
The moment we broke up I already thought that my understanding and knowledge of emotions will make handling the breakup easier for me. I’m very grateful to myself for taking the time to learn about feelings and emotions and especially to everyone who has taught and coached me in these topics for the last three years, because all this has permitted me to accept and handle the breakup much better than I would have been able to otherwise. This title could also have been “why does breaking up hurt so much”, because many people seem to use the world “hurt” while speaking of breakups. By entertaining these thoughts in our head again and again we plunge ourselves again and again into the low state of mind and thus make ourselves feel bad. The claim that “nobody loves me” and “I wont find anybody new ever again and will be lonely all my life” can feel very real while we are in a low state of mind, but seem ridiculous when we are feeling good and thinking straight.
From my previous breakups I remember cases like sitting in a bus opposite some enamored couple who kept lovingly staring at each other.
One of the saddest part in breaking up is that all of our words, inside jokes and names cease to exist. It feels a bit difficult and unnatural to spend time with your former partner, because the closeness and intimacy isn’t allowed anymore.
Along the relationship we also lose our hopes, expectations and plans for the future, which also feels quite bad. It feels very strange to sleep alone, when you constantly feel that something or someone is missing. In the beginning doing almost anything which we had at some point done together felt difficult, because it brought up memories of former partner. I have made an interesting observation while reflecting on myself an talking with my friends and clients about their breakups.
Because they believe – consciously or unconsciously – that experiencing the peace of mind even though they have just broken up mean that they are emotionally cold, incapable of feeling and that the relationship didn’t mean anything to them after all. Naturally by sporting beliefs and thoughts like those, we just start feeling even more bad. In this section I’m going to list few common behaviors which people sadly too commonly practice after breaking up. Though its natural to say dumb things while in a low state of mind, it’s sad that adult human being could ever want to make a person he has loved to feel even worse. I always wonder, how the person who was loved a moment ago suddenly turns into some kind of enemy, whose flaws and embarrassing features should be announced to other people. Some relationship coaches and breakup handbooks even urge people to de-humanize and condemn their ex partners, because it’s easier to get over person, whom you have turned into a monster. Well, who am I to be giving advice to anyone whose relationship hasn’t been as good, peaceful or fair as mine was? But when we are in a low state of mind, the chance of doing something we later regret may be pretty big. Its also worth remembering, that while in the low state of mind, our view of the world is much gloomier than usually. By believing in thoughts we get while in the low state of mind we can only make ourselves feel worse.  It’s sad enough to be feeling bad because of former incidents. As mentioned earlier, the best way to get over some emotion is to fully accept it and let it be. Bad and ugly things you may have experienced in your relationship don’t mean that there wasn’t any good moments either. Maybe I sound like some wannabe-saint, but I firmly believe in this: We should be grateful for good things that happened and forgive the bad ones.
Did the girls night out stretch and your girlfriend is coming home later than she promised?


All in all I don’t think that breaking up is as bad and gloomy business as it is often seen in our culture. Gratefulness and forgiving makes dealing with the breakup easier than holding onto guilt, anger and bitterness. Having negative feelings or being in the low state of mind is completely okay, no need to blame oneself for these. There is nothing wrong with loving your partner even though the relationship is already over. AND NEVER SAY U CAN'T HANDLE IT!IN FOOTBALL GIVEING UP IS NOT AN OPTION Profile Facebook CoversIN FOOTBALL GIVEING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!!!
Facebook Covers InformationFacebook Quotes Cover - IN FOOTBALL GIVEING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!!!
MenuFearless doesnt mean you're completely unafriad and it doesnt mean you're bulletproof, it means you have alot of fears.. Because that relationship was the longest and the most serious I have ever had and because I wouldn’t have liked to break up, I decided to give myself as much time as I need to reflect on what has happened. Because I’m fortunate enough to be professionally working with human feelings and emotions, I have been able to make my coping with the breakup easier with the knowledge I have. We’ll be also talking about the attitude we need to adopt to make breaking up easier and more decent for both parties. We were both pretty sad, cried a little, hugged and comforted each other, talked through everything, kissed each other goodbyes and went our separate ways to reflect on what had happened.  Everything  happened in a friendly tone and with mutual respect.
I myself had always felt that sparkle, but things like this can’t always be influenced, so we both saw it as a valid reason for breaking up.
Though I firmly believe that every relationship can be fixed, I’m not eager to be in a relationship in which there is even a little doubt if my partner wants to be with me or not. In my opinion we didn’t even had truly bad moments and the relationship was overall very nice. Even though most of my closest friends, both male and female have a bit unconventional approach to offering support, it still felt great (instead of receiving condolences I received numerous invitations to go clubbing so I can get some new girls, something which I didn’t want to do yet at that point). The thoughts we experience during and after a breakup instead do and can feel very bad (because we feel our thinking). The only thing we need to remember is that they are just thoughts, nothing more (and often these thoughts aren’t true in any way). In any situation, no matter how gloomy and dark, we can be sure that with time we will feel better.
Back then I thought that “we had that too, but now I’m alone again, now everything is worse, I’m so lonely and sad”.
Even though I know that the next relationship will bring along a new set of these, the one we had in this relationship are forever lost.
Though everyone understands that this is just a metaphor and that our heart can’t be really broken, most of us still believe that human being can “someway get mentally broken”. The only thing other person is capable of is to behave in a way that is against your wishes, after which you think something negative and make yourself feel bad. Two people who decide to spend less time together or spend it in different way in the future. It shows that we don’t understand ourselves enough to know that our bad feelings are of our own making and not the fault of our ex partner. Should we expect some Zen-level reactions from people who may have bad and ugly relationships behind them?
In a low state of mind our thinking isn’t at its sharpest, making even dumb ideas seem like a good ones.
But making ourselves feel even worse by hating or regretting our ex partner or relationship is completely unnecessary way of bullying ourselves. Even less I believe in trying to forcefully kill the love to experience less suffering because you don’t get any response anymore. Because handling the breakup is much easier when I don’t have to forcefully stop myself from loving my partner.
Sure, it can be difficult and often painful process, but it’s still a part of almost everyone’s life and must be dealt with if we want to continue our life.
Regardless of how deep in the low state of mind we happen to be, we are still whole, good and lovable.
Now my feelings once again seem to be completely in order and life continues in a pleasing way, I’d like to share with you everything that I have learned from this breakup. Nothing ugly was said then and hasn’t been said since.  We are still good friends, because I feel that people, who have managed to be in a good serious relationship can at least be friends even after said relationship has ended.


I understand if someone has an opposing opinion, but in our case breaking up has proved to be a good choice. Now afterwards my feelings about it are pretty good and as time will golden the memories (as it always does), I guess I will be even more grateful for everything. Though we can’t control our feelings and emotions, we can adopt an attitude which lets us handle even the toughest breakup decently and with grace.
Even though I’m still a bit sad about what happened, I didn’t experience even one disproportionally gloomy moment or even one moment, during which I didn’t remember that everything is going to be well again.
I can’t recommend abandoning all your friends during a relationship because all you want to do is spend time with your beloved other.
Sad and hurtful thoughts will become rarer and rarer, resulting in less and less negative emotions.
This time I knew to not believe in such stupid and untruthful thoughts, which resulted in much less pain for me.
The moment when I wiped out the hearts with our names on them which we had drawn on my apartments blackboard. Our thoughts and paradigms can get tangled for some time and start to reflect reality which is not real at all.
It also shows that we don’t get that taking revenge usually only leads to making the already bad situation even worse.It rarely brings any satisfaction, especially in the long term. Luckily this has never happened to me, but I can only imagine how bad it feels, when in addition to that guilt someone lays some extra blame on you. Turning the person you have at some point loved into a monster so you can get over him just makes you an asshole. There is no need to avoid or “fix” emotions (the fastest way to “get rid” of an emotion is to accept it), because they will disappear and change by themselves, without our intervention.
There is nothing wrong in being in the low state, as long as we remember that the thoughts and ideas we get while in the state aren’t of the best quality and shouldn’t be put to use. At this point it’s easy to blame your ex partner, “everything is going badly because of you!”.
Even though it’s the end of usually something beautiful, it’s also an invitation, a promise of something new and equally good and beautiful or even better. Only our attitude determines if the breakup is relatively sad but still beautiful incident or a complete hell for both parties. We can for a time dive into the deepest depths of low state of  mind and feel bad, feel like we are losing control. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t lovable  or good or that we wont ever find anyone else for us. Actually no, everything is well, but we don’t see that because we are experiencing a common emergency reaction in our brain, that will go away by itself.
Even though emotions work the same way in everyone of us, we still have different temperaments. It doesn’t matter if we get a response or no, the lack of it doesn’t make love stupid or mean that we are wasting it.
If not, it’s still completely okay for me to experience it, even if I don’t get any response.
Our habit of attaching hurtful beliefs to otherwise neutral incident sets us up for  additional pain. For someone letting go of anger may be the easiest thing ever, while some may hold to it for quite long indeed.
We set up conditions that must be fulfilled, or else we take our love – at least for a moment – away. Be it this way or that, all of the negative (as well as positive) feelings will pass with time and transform into other feelings. We start demanding that our partner behaves in a specific way, and if he doesn’t, we punish him by taking the love away. This will happen, sooner or later and should be kept in mind especially during the darkest moments.



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