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I’m not alone in having felt this way and not being au fait with what being loyal actually means.
Don’t mistake being willing to compromise the essence of who you are and even your willingness to endanger your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, for loyalty and devotion. Loyalty isn’t the same as not having boundaries and tuning out of shady behaviour and situations. Loyalty, that sense of where we consistently communicate and demonstrate our strong feelings of support, needs a foundation of reality and at the very least, acknowledgement, care, trust, and respect. It hurts when, OK, yes we clearly have some things that we need to address within ourselves but our desire to love and be loved is met with cruelty. It also hurts when we take another person’s betrayal and then we judge ourselves for them having done so. When we are really honest about why we remain loyal and devoted to someone who shows us that it’s not respected, acknowledged, or appreciated, the truth is, we are remaining loyal to our dream, our vision, our hopes and expectations for that person or even for what we thought we could have been and had if only they had reciprocated ours. Dig a little deeper though and what will be revealed is a conflict of interest between what we perceive that respect and acknowledgment to look like and what they’re willing to do.
People who need integrity, love, care, trust, respect and the intrinsic value and authenticity of a mutual relationship, don’t reward your loyalty with disrespect, derision, or betrayal. We must be careful who we devote ourselves to, especially if there is an expectation of reciprocation. Being loyal is a quality that you should value, both within you and others, but don’t mix it up with servitude (being completely subject to someone more powerful) and investing you in dodgy activities as a means of avoiding dealing with yourself. This is a very good post I’m recovering from years spent being misguidedly loyal to a group of people and an ex (summed up in this post).
Revolution, you seem more in tune with how you are and I would like to ask if you are not minding how it is for you whilst in the hating mode, and in particular your meaning of ‘dead to me’? Sorry, my comment was meant more slightly tongue-in-cheek to illustrate what my friend so aptly perceived is my immediate and polarizing response to people. To attempt to answer to your situation, Gina, I think that there is a difference between having anger, even intense anger, at another human being and hating them outright. Thanks Revolution, and likewise in your thoughtful and caring response which I am currently processing especially the transient and festering points. It is good reading that your conscience is at its core very loving, and that you do consider also the well-being of all parties regardless. Agree linsey, simply and succintly put the hitting home and this coming from the greatest fan of loyalty…. I came to the self-realization just this year that I am emotionally unavailable and I’ve been dating emo men.
I guess my dilemma is this: Am I being loyal to the first guy who’s been emotionally available even though we have difficulty communicating? Look out, here comes Unconquerable Nel with needs, and boundaries, and self-esteem, and independent worth. People who need integrity, love, care, trust, respect and the intrinsic value and authenticity of a mutual relationship, don’t reward your loyalty with disrespect, derision, or betrayal. So making it about your worth and where you didn’t measure up is silly, and downright inaccurate, although I have certainly been there.
My spiral happened in a moment of utter weakness brought on by complete shock at seeing a picture of them still together and looking happy. I think loyalty is a great thing to give and get, but loyalty toward another person ends for me when I have to choose between them and myself. I was seeing a very nice woman who had all the right qualities at first and it seemed like we were slowly but surely getting to know each other and on the same page with values, boundaries, etc.
But on our very first telephone conversation she got drunk and said a lot of erotic things that she’d never say when she was sober.

To make a long story short, even if I was dead drunk one night, my words would be the the same when I was sober the next day.
I may have a few relationship problems, but adding a drunk to my life is not ever going to be one of them. UPDATE…my improved self esteem has made it a lot easier to accept what happened and not ruminate about it very much.
Nothing worse that hearing someone’s story of being born again with slurred speech and lots and lots of repetition.
Blaming and berating yourself says to me that you ARE TRYING to make things better for you.
I did post this just now but I think it vanished into the ether because I forgot to put my name in the field, so this is a re-write as well as I could remember it.
Letting go is hard, but you need to focus on yourself instead of being brought down all the time! When you love someone so much, the empty space that person left behind is so big that another person needs to fill that space up quickly.
In the past, I’ve shown an alarming lack of loyalty to myself while at the same time continuing to engage with certain people out of what I believed at the time were my show of loyalty and devotion.
Like trust, it needs to be increased on the basis of supporting evidence, not increased to make up for the decrease in your sense of self or the decrease in their contribution to what should be a mutual relationship, romantic and otherwise. As always with anything to do with people-pleasing, it’s not about what we do but why we do it.
We might expect that person to effectively change and step outside of their comfort zone in order to make our own feel better. Giving your loyalty to people who don’t know their arse from their elbow, is a misappropriation of this quality and the beauty you have within to feel connected with people.
Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
I’m still reading, popping in here and there like the prodigal daughter, even though my comments are sparse.
I wasn’t looking for anything serious, and with the info that Nat gave me, I felt secure in dating with that knowledge. Should I continue getting to know him because all of his actions have aligned with what (little) words he’s said? I have now finally ended an extremely frustrating friendship with someone who had nothing to offer the moment I needed anything. He wasn’t right for you, according to who he is in this moment, and according to who you are at this moment, and how grateful could you not be for that, that who you are is so lovely that someone who cheats is not right for you.
I tend to be a loyal person in general but something in Nat’s post trigger my sadness and outrage. The drinker was actually very kind and treated me with consideration and respect…when she was sober.
If it was a once off I would say let it go but it isn’t from what you say and a regular occurrence. It is filled with feral ghouls for a fun challenge and includes a story explaining why it is like this.
Just as meeting breaches of trust with more trust, is a recipe for pain, so is giving away loyalty without due diligence.
And of course it’s going to provoke our sense of entitlement because realistically speaking, who doesn’t expect a little respect and acknowledgement for their support?
Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
But this friend and I both know that I don’t hate people in the true sense of the word.

Good things starting happening for my career and I was in an overall better, healthier place.
An amazing article and from the comments on here, a life-changing article for many of people. Someone said this to me recently when I was taking a hurtful action personally yet again, and it was immensely liberating. People are doing what they’re doing according to what they can cope with at the time, the skills they have. Perhaps this red-head tolerates a lot more from him and is miserable and has low self-worth.
But we continued chatting and he’d been going through a hard time with his best friend being diagnosed with cancer.
When she was drunk she was a bit much, like insisting on talking wacko politics and religion when I begged her to change the subject. My fears bubble over and my self-hatred grows as I blame and berate myself, my ego has a tantrum because I didn’t get my happy ending or even a happy middle as he was an EU AC charmer with narcissistic tendencies and the explosive rages that went with it. You can be his roommate if you want, and the four of you can live happily ever after, or you can shoot them all and take the place for your own. It would hurt that I could go to those lengths and I still couldn’t change them or get their loyalty. Often they’re doing their best to survive or to look out for themselves with the limited emotional resources that they have.
A 5 miles run and a few hours at the boxing gym brought my self esteem and self worth back ?? Thank you so much for your reply.
I broke contact almost a year ago (lots of personal issues for them and I moved away) and they were heavy on my mind. I am proud of myself for finally realising how hopelessly misplaced my loyalties were and for getting out of that relationship before I died inside or even took my own life entirely. OR, if you play your cards right, you can get rid of Dukov and you get a party pad and two girls. And no, I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable hating another human being, for spiritual reasons that are personal to me. You’ve probably earned that anger, and it is to be felt or else it WILL come up in other ways, to be heard. Now, I have had temporary ANGER at others, and I have been all too comfortable with that feeling. But living in that anger day and night, week after week, month after month, year after year? I’m glad he did not contact me as I really did not want to see him or hear his lies and excuses. However, I do feel (personally, at least) that this also should be a transient feeling, and not something that I let fester inside of myself. All I know is that I feel like shit and want my happy ending while he the villain should get his comeuppance.
One long ass email blaming everything on anything from his ex-wife to the kitchen sink was more than I could stomach.

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