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Recently I was talking with someone who was like a broken woman consumed with thoughts of her ex morning, noon, and night. No Contact is initially about not making or accepting contact, but it also provides the space to not only grieve the loss of the relationship, but to focus your energy elsewhere and begin rebuilding your life. Experience has taught me that the more you try not to think about something, is the more likely you are to, and then you’ll stress yourself further about the fact that you are in fact thinking about it and what you think thinking about it means, and then often react off the back of it. Back in October 2010, when I was told to cut out wheat in an effort to reduce tinnitus and vertigo, after initially thinking it was going to be fine and then discovering that wheat is in many things, I went on a serious moan-a-thon. After a while, mostly because I was wearing down my own last nerve and probably those of the boyf, I began putting effort into finding alternatives, discovering places to eat with varied menus, and making myself food that I enjoy. Yes I had to avoid wheat, but I was making my life about avoiding wheat instead of focusing on improving my health. To go to the trouble of devoting your energies and attention to not thinking about someone and then obsessing about the fact that you’re thinking about them, is actually just another convoluted way of giving them more attention and remaining invested.
3) If you have thoughts but you’re still active in the conscious, life will happen to gradually replace them.
One other thing that has helped me was to sit and make a list of any one who hurt me through my life. Yep that was me at one time, he was my only thought every waking moment of my life and it WAS exhausting, my head felt like a bee buzzing in it all the time.
Yes I still think of him every so often but now a days the anxiety producing thoughts have been replaced with remembering the better years we had. I remember in the early weeks of him disappearing on me when I could not sleep until I became so exhausted I couldn’t get up on time for work, I had headaches due to over thinking and lack of sleep. On a positive note each day I think less and I think about different things in different ways.
With me, the amount of time appears to be inversely proportional to the time spent getting over them. We replay and replay the relationship, looking for clues that we meant something to him, that he really is a nice guy under it all, he didn’t know what he was doing etc etc.
I get it, it took me decades to accept that the way I was treated by my mother was cruel and abusive. When you are stuck, sometimes the only way forward is to accept what you really don’t want to accept. He was a very subtle person, with perfect manners, and there wasnt any obvious outrageous behaviour.
All this to say, one year later I RARELY think of him and when I do, I feel a great sense of relief that it is over. Sympathy, though, dreams are the worst ever – they are the unkindest and most unhelpful thing that my body has ever done to me and I seriously fell out with my subconscious at various points because I couldn’t believe it could be so MEAN!!! Natalie, this is amazing that this came in just today when I had such a bad day after feeling that I had been doing better than expected.I wondered why suddenly today I felt so bad and it was so reassuring to read in your article that that does not mean I am going backwards but is a way the brain is processing. What does help me is to plan out things to do in my free time., and I like to remind myself at end of day the things that I accomplished during the day and that makes me feel good because I am assuring myself that I did not have a lonely depressed do-nothing day. In the mornings when I drive to work I like to say aloud the many things that I am thankful for… makes me feel good.
It came to a point where it was almost impossible to focus on doing anything, which was sapping all my energy. I eventually bought an iPod music player and started listening to music all day to override my thoughts and squeeze out the silence which facilitated this mega-over-thinking and analysing the crapola out of everything.
I’ve been involved with unavailables before, but this was my first assclown and hopefully my last!
What it isn’t, is cutting contact and then sitting around trying to not have anymore thoughts about them.
As I’d felt the health benefits after a week (seriously), tempting as it was to, for example, snaffle down a mince pie, I accepted that uncomfortable as it had been, overall I felt happier and better. It’s also part of the grieving and healing process to feel your feelings and process your thoughts so that you can draw conclusions, accept and move on.
Equally, I found that I made great strides in being happy when I stopped making my life about maintaining NC and instead made it about having a better life…while keeping my ex at bay.


If a thought pops into your head, for all you know, it’s just your unconscious processing away and throwing something out.
Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
I may have a moment here and there due to something I read, or a song I hear, but its only now moments out of my day.
This helped me take responsibility for my actions and not fall into victim mode, I was also grieving the loss as you (Natalie) talk about and was doing pretty well but not as well as I thought as the AC managed to worm his way back into my life and affections after about 3 months only to drop me from a great height and move on swiftly to another er victim, I mean lady! For many months serious brain wattage was being burned up, and I thought it would never end.
I had a bonafide LTR, title and everything that was just fantastic to be in, and our breakup was the best break up ever! So much damage was done, my sense of self and self esteem was reduced to ashes and I needed to start again from scratch. Its hard to lose the one you love, for me it was like a death and I needed to grieve as I would the death of any loved one.
The different designs are differentiated by being a different "model" or "series." Confusing the issue even more, some manufacturers "private label" their machines for large department stores. What positives can you say to yourself to affirm the decisions and actions you’re undertaking? It would be better to focus on returning to what you were being and doing before the panic arrived.
Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
It didn’t work out but that is no reason to deny its exsistance or not to remember the good times. This evening I was feeling fed up because even though I will never try and make contact with him I still think about him everyday.
It saddens me sometimes because we only dated for 2 months but I was caught up in such a whirlwind of extreme highs to an almighty low and to be still thinking about someone for this length of time considering the actual time we spent together is too long in my opinion. Then I had to get over the fact that before, during and after me they were sleeping around!
I’m so glad I found BR because it would have taken 10x longer to get over it without BR. It helps to read this because often all of the combined thoughts of saddness, anger, confusion, frusteration, longing, (longing for answers, for comfort, for revenge) it all gets so hard to deal with at once.
I have been doing better during the day, and working on not talking about him to friends (to bring down the power I give him). Such as Sears' Kenmore and Montgomery Ward's Signature machines. Check the following list to determine if you have one of these "cross-branded" machines.
It has been nearly three months since he disappeared without any explanation and I just keep thinking about him and the whole situation. Unless you’re living in on another planet, even after a few minutes, you should become aware of the passage of time. I keep asking myself why is it that in the past I have dated and had relationships and have been able to get over them easily in a short space of time and move on? Whether you recognise that you’re going off on a thinking track after one or twenty thoughts, pull yourself back to reality instead of saying “Ah shag it! I will try not to use it as an excuse to dwell longer, because I’m just oh so good at that uncomfortable comfort zone, but again, thanks for being able to put it down on paper so well.
These machines were sold as GE, Hotpoint, and "private-labelled" as JC Penney and Penncrest brands. In 1995, GE redesigned their dryers. WCI's machines were sold under these original brand names, as well as Westinghouse and White-Westinghouse brands. In the '90's, WCI was bought by Swedish giant Electrolux, who changed the company name back to the Frigidaire Home Products Company. They have continued to manufacture these "Herrin" machines as Maytag "Performa" models and high-end Crosley brand machines, but they have gone through a LOT of evolution. You can find them in the yellow pages under the following headings:APPLIANCES, HOUSEHOLD, MAJORAPPLIANCES, PARTS AND SUPPLIESREFRIGERATORS, DOMESTICAPPLIANCES, HOUSEHOLD, REPAIR AND SERVICECall a few of them and ask if they are a repair service, or if they sell parts, or both. However, you don't want to badger them with TOO many questions, so know your basics before you start asking questions. Some parts houses may offer service, too.


They'll tell you it's too complicated, then in the same breath "guide" you to their service department. They should contain the model number somewhere. In any case, and especially if you have absolutely NO information about your dryer anywhere, make sure you bring your old part to the parts store with you.
An inexpensive one will suffice, as long as it has both "AC Voltage" and "Resistance" (i.e. It's true that diagnosing and repairing electrical circuits requires a bit more care than most operations, due to the danger of getting shocked. Remember the rule in section 1-5 (1); while you are working on a circuit, energize the circuit only long enough to perform whatever test you're performing, then take the power back off it to perform the repair. You will only need to be able to set the VOM onto the right scale, touch the test leads to the right place and read the meter. In using the VOM (Volt-Ohm Meter) for our purposes, the two test leads are always plugged into the "+" and "-" holes on the VOM. When testing 220 volt circuits (usually in electric dryers) make sure you always follow the precautions in rule 1 of section 1-5!Figure B-4: Testing Voltage1-4(b) TESTING FOR CONTINUITY (Figure B-5)Don't let the word "continuity" scare you.
It's derived from the word "continuous." In an electrical circuit, electricity has to flow from a power source back to that power source.
It should peg the meter all the way on the right side of the scale, towards "0" on the meter's "resistance" scale. If the meter does not read zero resistance, adjust the thumbwheel on the front of the VOM until it does read zero. You can touch the ends of the wires and test leads with your hands if necessary to get better contact. If there is GOOD continuity, the meter will move toward the right side of the scale and steady on a reading.
This is the resistance reading and it doesn't concern us; we only care that we show good continuity. If you do not, the switch is bad.   1-4(c) AMMETERSAmmeters are a little bit more complex to explain without going into a lot of electrical theory. If you own an ammeter, you probably already know how to use it. If you don't, don't get one.
The greater the current that's flowing through a wire, the greater the density of the magnetic field, or flux, it produces aroundthe wire. The ammeter simply measures the density of this flux, and thus the amount of current, flowing through the wire. To determine continuity, for our purposes, we can simply isolate the component that we're testing (so we do not accidentally measure the cur rent going through any other components) and see if there's any current flow. To use your ammeter, first make sure that it's on an appropriate scale (0 to 10 or 20 amps will do).
If you need to re-energize the dryer to perform a test, make sure any bare wires or terminals are taped or insulated. Energize the unit only long enough to perform whatever test you're performing, then disconnect the power again. I want to impress upon you something really important.
It's unpleasant, but unless exposure is more than a second or so, the only harm it usually does is to tick you off pretty good.However, 220 VOLTS CAN KNOCK YOU OFF YOUR FEET.
And if you get it going and re-install it, you are running a very high risk that it will stop again. Replace the part. 3) If you must lay the dryer over on its side, front or back, first make sure that you are not going to break anything off, such as a gas valve. Lay an old blanket on the floor to protect the floor and the finish of the dryer. 4) Always replace the green (ground) leads when you remove an electrical component. And NEVER EVER remove the third (ground) prong in the main power plug! 5) When opening the dryer cabinet or console, remember that the sheet metal parts are have very sharp edges. Wear gloves, and be careful not to cut your hands! 6) When testing for your power supply from a wall outlet, plug in a small appliance such as a shaver or blow dryer. It's true that diagnosing and repairing electrical circuits requires a bit more care than most operations, due to the danger of getting shocked. The greater the current that's flowing through a wire, the greater the density of the magnetic field, or flux, it produces aroundthe wire.




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