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04.01.2015
Empower Others to Get All A's & Share!300026This section is all about emotions and learning about our mental health. As I attempt to write this June Emotion Commotion article on confidence, I’m getting stuck. In addition to changing your mindset, there are other tactics you can try to help build your self esteem.
As someone who started out stuck on what to write, I’ve certainly come up with quite a bit to say! Identity writer Kimberly Elmore is currently employed by Delta Dental of New Jersey in the corporate communications department as the community relations coordinator. As human beings we all have issues, hang ups, and problems that threaten to not drag us down. Join over 65,000 women to Increase your happiness, self-worth and success by downloading over $1,500 in free tools and gifts!
There are lots of ways to improve your self-confidence over the long-term – but sometimes you need an instant boost. Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Whatever the situation that’s causing you a crisis of self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your own standards alone.
Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent prayer.
Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? About Latest Posts Ali LukeAli writes about personal growth and development on her blog, Aliventures. Sometimes people just drag their confidence downhill because they are always repeating negative thoughts to themselves and our thoughts define our reality. My confidence tip is to maintain a Universal Perspective, remember how small we all are and how fleeting our lives are. And I am also interested on speak slowly point, because all this time I have been speaking quickly. Confidence, I agree about the smile, in Chinese the character for confidence and faith are the same. Once you are comfortable saying the words to yourself, ask a friend to listen to you say the phrase. While I do not find either the term ‘girl’ or ‘woman’ objectionable on any count whatsoever, I am not blind to the way these terms have been misused and abused by the patriarchal society we live in. Woman– A knowing, self-respecting, independent, and in-control female who has reached the place by treading the irregular and tortuous roads of being a feisty teen, with ‘girly’ habits. Now, don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with ‘girly’ habits per se, and I am not implying that a woman won’t ever have ‘girlish’ tendencies, but more often than not it takes a LONG time to get to being an adult who is not only mature but has a deeper understanding of the world and perceives and interacts with it at a more than a superficial level.
The foremost attribute that differentiates the girls from women is explained by the reaction vs. A girl deems herself entitled and owed, and thereby ‘expects’ to receive more than she has the capacity to appreciate. A girl deploys her looks and sexuality as a primary tool of validation and uses them to get what she desires. A girl waits for her knight in shining armor and awaits her own fairy-tale romance to weave itself magically out of thin air. Tying in closely with point 7 is the fact that girls tend to seek happiness from factors external to themselves. Girls refrain from stepping out of their comfort zones whilst women are not afraid to experiment and expand their horizons.
Having written all of the above personality traits that separate women from girls, I am compelled to add an integral part of the post as a sort of parting thought.
So, kindly understand that a woman who is the CEO of a multi-million dollar company might do well to have a ‘girls’ night out’ where she might shop and then sit and put the world to right with her besties over tequila shots.
A lover of love, I am forever looking for ways to garnish the ‘elation’ on the ‘relationship’ platter.
9 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Bisexual And Proud Of It 7 Sexist Romance Novel Tropes That Need To Stop - ASAP! Kimberly Elmore, an Identity Staff Writer, has dedicated her time to educate and discuss a particular emotion in each issue. Stuck with that song in my head, and stuck with what words to type about the word confidence! As a matter of fact, my confidence level has grown just from exploring the concept of confidence in order to write this article! During Kimberly’s college years she served as the arts & entertainment editor of her college newspaper, and interned in the public relations department at the March of Dimes.
You can’t walk into an important work meeting, (or a class at college or a room full of strangers at a party) whilst frantically re-reading a self-help manual, or making a last-minute phone call to your life-coach. You don’t just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better.


Give them your smile; you’ll almost certainly get one back, and being smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself. Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off.
If you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation with.
Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? By changing our inner voice and speak to ourselves in a more positive way, it will definitely boost our self confidence. That brings up all of the feelings of success and confidence which at least put me in a positive space.
Taking an extra few moments to take a total account of appearance, loose ends, accessories etc, has made a huge difference for me.
This may at first feel intimidating but once you get past the ego and accept this, you will be able to rise above the Battle of the Egos out there and smile at it all (because it is all so, so silly) and this will give you immeasurable self-confidence. Up until now- I thought that a sign of intelligence was being able to speak quickly, as if you know everything about the topic that you were speaking about. I used to think that by speaking fast, you will picture urself as if you have command over what your are talking and shows your confidence. It suprises me how so many people complain about nothing, they’re warm, they have a roof over their heads, their healths fine.
I find that expecting myself to do a piece of work and expecting to do it successfully is critical when it comes to saying no to the inevitable distractions that the mind throws up to derail my efforts.
If you want to start to speak out and be heard, you have to practice hearing your own voice first. No matter how much a woman achieves, she is still judged on her looks, clothes or her personal life.
It would not be too far from the mark to suggest that she still lives in a fairy-tale land and expects to have the princess-treatment extended towards her. A woman, on the other hand, places a premium on her intelligence, her integrity, her values, and never loses sight of her moral compass whilst etching out her contributions towards self-growth and to humanity. She is financially independent and seeks out much more important qualities in a man like his treatment of her and the amount of respect he shows rather than an unnecessary interest in the wads of green that stuff his wallet.
A woman knows that real relationships thrive on mutual trust, respect for each other, commitment, and a lot of hard work.
A woman has introspected enough to develop her own vision for life, delineate her own course, and chart out who she wants to be. Whether it be topics for conversation or places to visit, adventure or a professional task, girls are too chicken to try and experiment lest they fail or worse, appear foolish or incompetent. A woman refuses to conform, if her mind does not believe in the laid-out tenets for conformity. Please remember that it isn’t strident feminism if I insist that a female who exhibits all of the above tendencies be called a ‘woman,’ or even that girls who’ve outgrown their teen years be deemed ‘women’ (regardless of whether or not they exhibit the above traits).
It’s a great way for women to open up and become more aware of our emotions, feelings, and human behavior. Someone who has confidence is secure in who they are — emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Feelings such as fear, anger, and being overwhelmed can make our confidence level take a nose dive, whereas, love, courage, and enthusiasm feelings can make our confidence level soar! Acceptance of ourselves and the things we cannot change, appreciation for what we offer the world and what the world has to offer, and striving to achieve on deeper levels all can positively impact our confidence. Reality is I would clam up, especially when I was in a new situation meeting new people — I wouldn’t feel confident. To figure out what others were saying about confidence, find a top 10 list of things to do to build confidence.  I wasn’t confident that I could write about confidence! The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.
Don’t worry that people will think you’re too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring, too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined standards belonging to others.
That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.
Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. As a corporate trainer, the first the my audience perceived was the image I presented to them…followed by my presentation. But that is so wrong, I was often told by people to slow down, never thought that my fast pace is sounding like jibberish to them. We should be able to enjoy the lush things, a plunge in a pool, an ice cream, life’s a sensual experience.


And you build up your affirmations and their strength overtime you get into a power mode that you can’t conceive of today.
Of course, attitudes are changing and women empowerment and gender equality have come to occupy center stage with a bang.
A person might not grow up, ever and a teenager might surprise you with her perceptive and penetrative grasp of life!
On the other hand, a woman holds herself to certain standards and does not project any ‘expectations’ onto others.
A woman is aware and comfortable in her sexuality and doesn’t find the need to use it as a validation tool. Therefore, whilst you’d find a bunch of girls flocking to lay their hands on the latest pair of dungarees, women shall be confidently strolling about in comfortable jeans and a tee.
They devote themselves to building, nurturing and nourishing their relationships and know that no magic wand shall be able to sustain it save for the efforts of the two people who build it. A woman understands that true happiness stems from self-love and self-assuredness and that she is responsible for her own happiness. As such, a girl is yet to learn to rebel while a woman values her individuality and thought-process over rules and regulations. My rationale behind the same is very simple – if the term ‘girl’ is being continually equated with the diminutive social value it has in terms of being associated with a female prone to giggling, flirting, twirling her hair or even gossiping, there is no reason why we should encourage the inherently insulting label.
Similarly, a girl who hasn’t quite wrapped herself around to ‘communicating’ well in lieu of the ‘silent treatment’ should not be demeaned for being so.
If you perceive yourself as insecure, you’ll most likely be insecure and others will think you’re insecure. Talk to a trusted friend about your insecure feelings – in sharing with others, you’ll learn you are not alone. And remember that commonly-held values and standards vary from society to society: you don’t have to accept them just because the people around you do. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said. However, it is still a long way before the perceptions about the ‘wow girl’ you are eyeing across from the bar counter who suddenly becomes a ‘bloody woman’  when she refuses your overtures or happens to question your flimsy assumptions or erroneous logic undergo a change (reverso, as it were). Similarly, girls might make a big fuss about fad diets but women know their healthy meals and eat in moderation. She values the intrinsic essence of such complete, wholesome bliss, and never allows anyone to jeopardize that. Of course, it does not mean that my sixteen-year-old sister is a woman yet, but what I intend to point out is this – despite its colloquial usage as an affectionate social term, it continues to carry the reverberations of the aforementioned misleading euphemism. We are all individuals, unique in our own right, and our trajectories to ‘maturity’ are self-fueled.
I feel that I’m highly confident at work, but in my personal life, I still struggle with feeling confident when it comes to certain friendships and dating, as well as new experiences. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” Confidence can become a part of your destiny – it all starts with your thoughts and your perception of yourself.
Appreciate yourself, your body, your imperfections, and what you can contribute to this world.
Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you. Make them the centre of your being and who you are, when you invest who you are into something it’s something deep like your identity, so your bound to go at things with enthusiasm then. Practice saying it out loud in front of the mirror until you really start to hear yourself saying the words. As such, it is important that we strip off the ‘patriarchal’ veneer that masks what these labels of a ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ actually imply and understand them for what they are. They choose to communicate and bring the areas of ‘disagreement’ to the table for an adult discussion. Women refuse to deprive their body of essential foods while girls bear the angry pangs of hunger whilst chewing on salad.
Not only does the apparent ‘endearing’ label masquerade around as an affectionate term, it also counters any disagreement with patriarchal society’s use of this apparently ‘harmless’ term with a dismissive cover-all rebuttal (‘don’t be a humorless feminist’) that might well be called hackneyed. One cannot impose the ‘traits’ that shall make a ‘girl’ a ‘woman’ and there isn’t a need to, either. When you give to others, you really are giving a gift to yourself – the gift that you are worthy and have much to offer. Its mission is based around helping women realize their true potential and self worth by sharing stories in a safe place that allows each of us to learn from one another and discover our true identity.
I have a decent sense of self worth (being a contributor and reader of Identity has certainly helped me in this area) and my self esteem has certainly improved as I’ve gotten older and had more life experiences – but – confidence is still a little foreign to me!
If you perceive yourself as confident, you’ll build confidence and others will think you are confident.



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