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09.09.2013
Self-esteem is your child’s passport to a lifetime of mental health and social happiness. Most of the behavioral problems that I see for counseling come from poor self-worth in parents as well as children. If you raise a confident child that grows up with a healthy self-worth, it means they have a realistic understanding of their strengths and weaknesses, enjoying the strengths and working on the problem areas.
Put yourself in the place of a baby who spends many hours a day in a caregiver’s arms, is worn in a sling, breastfed on cue, and her cries are sensitively responded to. The confidence-building aspects that result from attachment-parenting pay off especially with high-need babies. We emphasize the importance of early nurturing because during the first two years the baby’s brain is growing very fast.
Infants who get used to the feeling of well-being they get from attachment parenting spend the rest of their lives striving to keep this feeling.
But what if I didn’t practice all those attachment styles of parenting, you may wonder? They probably did the best they could given their circumstances and the prevailing advice of the times. No one can put on a happy face all the time, but a parent’s unhappiness can transfer to a child. Much of a child’s self-image comes not only from what the child perceives about herself, but from how she thinks others perceive her. When you raise a confident child you spend the early years building your child’s self-confidence, and you spend the later years protecting it. As a busy person, I had a hard time getting down to a baby’s level enjoying unstructured, seemingly unproductive play.
Sometime during your parenting career you may run into the idea that a young child should be exposed to children with different values so that he can choose for himself. The child’s values and self-concept are affected by persons of significance in his life— relatives, coaches, teachers, religious leaders, scout leaders and friends. By three years of age, a child can be taught to clean sinks and tubs (using a sponge and a small can of cleanser). On the positive side, picture what happens when a child feels free to express herself and a parent accepts her feelings. Of course most of us who are 50+ now, don't have to worry about raising children ourselves, but we do have our grandchildren to think about. Research with children and families has indeed told us that praise has the opposite intended effect. And the author of the book Confident Kids: How Parents Can Raise Positive, Confident, Resilient and Focused Kids (The Parenting Trap) agrees with this assessment. If you don’t want to miss any of these posts: on the right-hand side of the blog is a place where you can enter your email address, and I’ll send you any new posts by email. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Singapore parenting magazine – theAsianparent helps Asian mothers and fathers raise happy and confident kids. Never before have girls had so many opportunities to study and be whatever they want, but never before have they also faced as many challenges as they do today.
All the years of work towards empowering girls seems to be finally paying off and girls believe they can do whatever they want.As heartwarming as that is it comes with additional pressure on your daughter to perform and to mature faster than sometimes she can cope with. This is where your role as a parent is important, to raise your daughter's self esteem so she can realise her full potential.Your little girl may be the smartest, brightest little thing you know and by raising her to also be confident you can help her be an achiever all her life. Follow these tips for raising a happy and confident daughter and your little girl will be prepared to handle anything life throws at her.
Take her interests seriously and help her build on them so she has a passion for something. She is a child and as a parent you need to steer her in the right direction, but to raise a confident daughter you have to let her make choices about her life.It can start with simple things like letting her choose her clothes, what activities she wants to take on and even how much time she wants to devote to them. Learning to stand up for herself at an early age will give your daughter confidence her whole life. Tell your daughter repeatedly that you believe in her; that she can achieve anything she sets her mind to.
Your daughter will learn a lot more from what she sees you doing than what she hears you teaching her.
Encouraging her to solve her problems on her own instead of you solving them for her will help your daughter develop coping skills to deal with different situations. Playing outdoors, getting out of their comfort zone, climbing trees, camping and even taking a tumble every now and then makes girls realise the strength in their own bodies and take physical risks.
You don't have to always agree with her but let your daughter know that you will always be there to lend her an ear and that what she feels matter.Knowing she has an empathic listener in you means she will be less likely to bottle her feelings. The world has far too many set standards of feminity and beauty and before you let her out there bolster her confidence in the way she looks.
Your little girl may be great at sports or drama but inculcate a healthy interest in her studies as well. Limit your daughter's exposure to the media till she has had some time to form her own ideas using her imagination, creativity and experiece. From an early age, point out successful, strong women she can look up to as role models - athletes, doctors, businesswomen.
When we moved to the USA I was very confident that my 3 year old son will continue to speak Russian. I thought if I just keep talking in my native language the same way I was doing it back home, he would speak fluently. In this article I lay out the four reasons why every parent should make raising a bilingual child a priority. Communication with an extended family — my son and daughter have a strong bond with their Ukrainian grandparents, great grandmother, cousins, aunt and other family.
If parents’ fluency in the community language is very low then teaching a child minority heritage language will help both sides to stay close as a family. Most people bring up the practical aspects of bilingualism as their first reason for wanting to raise bilingual children.
Knowing two or more languages opens the doors to the information presented in all of them: professional info, literature in the original language, online resources, and cultural heritage.
Understanding and acceptance of differences between cultures makes our world a more peaceful place.
In an increasingly globalized world, the ability to deal comfortably with multicultural experiences is a powerful advantage. Despite of all great benefits, bilingualism is not a guarantee of happiness, success or intelligence.
The humble laughter is often overlooked in the pursuit of a child’s development milestones such as reading, writing and numeric accuracy. A good joke or some hearty laughter from funny impressions or pretend play can equip your child with the tools to think creatively, make friends and manage stress. We have heard countless times how couples stop looking after each other once the baby is born. This might sound controversial but putting yourself first can definitely help you raise a happy child. Here’s an extra bonus: You will receive valuable parenting tips and weekly fresh hot deals like this from us!
It is a joy for the just to do justice, But destruction will come to the workers of iniquity.
Where do you begin?  God did not leave you in the dark as to how to raise your children. Helping the children take responsibility for their actions without creating a disciplinary situation.
The woman pinches his arm and when he cries, she curses at him and tells him he’s a bad boy.
I’ve heard countless nightmare stories about maids in Singapore from friends, relatives and colleagues. I had read the recent story on the maid hitting a baby and being caught on camera by her employers- that was ridiculously scary! My son attends enrichment classes at Mind Stretcher Learning Centre at Punggol Plaza every Saturday. What she did next caught me by surprise, and is something I couldn’t digest (even till now). She looked at me in panic, and tried to get up and walk off, but of course I didn’t let that happen. Having explained what had happened to her over the phone (in not so many words), I kept the child with me till his mum arrived. I showed her the marks that were left on her son’s arms and advised her to report the incident to the MOM as well as the maid agency.
My son was with me throughout this episode and as finally we walked up to his class (now he was late), and it melted my heart when he exclaimed excitedly, “Mummy, I am so proud of you for taking care of that boy! Pavin is our Associate Content Director with years of writing experience under her trendy belt. Because there is such a strong parallel between how your child feels about himself and how he acts, it is vital to discipline to raise a confident child. Because of these infants’ more intense demands, they are at higher risk of receiving negative responses. This is the period when a baby develops patterns of associations – mental models of the way things work. Because they have so much practice at feeling good, they can regain this right feeling after temporary interruptions.
Certain parenting traits and certain character traits, such as anger and fearfulness, are learned in each generation.
If you find it difficult to follow through with this exercise on your own, get help from a professional. This is especially true of preschoolers who learn about themselves from their parents’ reactions. If your body is with your child but your mind is at work, your child will sense that you have tuned out, and neither one of you benefits from the time together. She can do well at something, whether as a two-year-old who packs exceptional pretend picnics or a ten-year- old who loves ballet. And in our measuring-and-testing society, children’s skills—and therefore their value—are measured relative to others. She tries out new experiences in much the same way that an attached infant learns to separate from mother. Indeed, Greg did have asthma, but the physical problem was much easier to treat than the emotional side effects of his label. To raise a confident child, school choice (if you have one) needs to be carefully considered. Throwing a child into the melting pot of diverse values at too young an age, before she has any of her own values, may produce a child who is so confused that she develops no conscience and no standing value system. One of the main ways children develop self-confidence and internalize values is through helping maintain the family living area, inside and out. Teach him how to fix his favorite meal and let him learn how to pick out the ingredients at the market. During our family garden phase, when our children were younger, we tied in caring for a garden and caring for them: Water the plants and they grow nicely, keep the weeds away and the flowers bloom better.


Expressing feelings comfortably does not mean the child is free to explode at every emotional twinge, but rather develops a comfortable balance between expressing and controlling feelings. She certainly has the confidence, so much so, she doesn't feel like she needs to listen any longer. Engaging in an activity she loves will make her better at it, give her newer challenges and boost her self-esteem as she masters them.
She should be able to stand her ground with her peers and also be confident enough to voice her needs to adults. Your confidence in her will make her believe that she can indeed achieve anything she wants to. And as a child, a lot of her opinion about herself will be based on how she thinks you perceive her based on your reactions to whatever she does.Give her the positive reinforcement and appreciation which will make her appreciate herself. This will help her feel responsible about her decisions and give her a sense of control over her life. Signing up for sports will develop physical strength and give your daughter confidence in her body. Princess tales, fairytale castles, prince charming and dolls can all be fun for your daughter but limiting her to this steriotypical girly realm will only limit her imagination and ambition. Teach her to love herself the way she is by showing how you love her for who she is and not the way she looks or by her weight. Even if you are, complimenting her on specific things she has done very well instead of praising everything will make her value those words of praise more. Get involved with her school work and assignments, check her homework and show up at school events. Even if it is a simple task, make her feel it is important and her contribution is vital.Get her to tidy her room or arrange her toys, let her sit with you and prepare the weekly grocery shopping list. Help her develop a healthy appreciation of her own looks before she is inundated with the media's pervasive stereotypes, consumerism and sexism.
It brings special bond, intimacy and comfort when you cuddle with your little one singing those lullabies your mother sang to you! In fact, a lot of monolingual parents want to raise bilingual kids mainly because of practical benefits. It is especially true if at least one of the languages a child is learning happen to be a very commonly-spoken language like Mandarin, English, Spanish, Hindi, Russian, Arabic, French, or German. Most of these advantages only become measurable in children with steady and advanced development in two languages. And it would not be fair to say that bilinguals always outperform monolinguals in all areas of life.
Yet, according to research presented at the Economic and Social Research Councils’ Festival of Social Science 2011, laughter and joking actually sets your child up for social success. It is important to remember not to let your lives revolve around the baby as the marriage needs to be nurtured just as much as your little one. I picked up writing as an undergraduate at a local university and have not looked back since. She’s from India and she has never given me any problem for the past 2 years that she’s worked in my home. But seeing something similar happen right in front of my eyes felt even more real and impactful. Last week, we were early for his lesson, so we grabbed a quick bite at the food court on the first level. My son was too startled to react- he just looked at me, trying to figure out if I was going to intervene or not. Had I not witnessed the abuse, that little boy may have had to endure pain for a long time to come.
He must think of this self as being someone who can make things happen and who is worthy of love. How people value themselves, get along with others, perform at school, achieve at work and relate in marriage, all stem from strength of their self-image.
Throughout life your child will be exposed to positive influences (builders) and negative influences (breakers). When attachment parenting produces mutual sensitivity between connected parents and high-need babies, they learn to see themselves in a good light. If his needs are not met and his cues unanswered, he feels that signals are not worth giving. These secure infants cope better with life’s setbacks because they are motivated to repair their sense of well-being, which has become integrated into their sense of self. Babies are resilient and, of course, it’s never too late to start the habits that help raise a confident child. Some adults panic at the thought and really have to struggle to be able to let go of their grown-up agenda. I can still remember my grandfather impressing on me the value of using and remembering peoples’ names. It is quite normal for a child to retreat periodically into the comfort of the known (her home and family) as she progressively ventures into the jungle of the unknown. The connected child who enters the school arena with peers from various upbringings and degrees of attachment will have a set of expectations that he may not find at school. Parents who overprotect may end up with a child who cannot think for herself, leaving her vulnerable to challenges or so judgmental that she condemns anyone with different beliefs.
Our two-year-old, Lauren, had a thing about napkins, so we gave her the dinnertime job of putting napkins at each place. We divide jobs into paying, extra-credit jobs they can earn money for, and nonpaying or those that are naturally expected of the children for the privilege of living in our home. Other jobs boys and girls love and do well when first taught alongside a parent include: washing the car, sweeping outdoor living areas and sidewalks, gardening, vacuuming, dusting and baby tending. Raising a child to be resilient and able to deal with life's ups and downs is also something that most parents strive for.
One of the co-authors, Katrina Kahler, is a World-Class educator who has been nominated for the National Inspirational Teaching Award.
Peggy Drexler, research psychologist and gender scholar, had an article published in the Huffington Post titled, "The Key to Raising Confident Kids?
In fact, kids who are told they're bright and talented are easily discouraged when something is "too difficult;" those who are not praised in such a manner are more motivated to work harder and take on greater challenges. In my native country Ukraine, for example, bilingual professionals (especially in English, German or French) are in high demand. If cartoons like Dora are the only source of your child’s foreign language development, that major impact of bilingualism is very unlikely to happen. An unhappy marriage makes for an unhappy home environment which can stress your child, after all even an infant can have trouble sleeping when his parents are arguing or have a distant and cold relationship. When you put your needs first, you are more likely to be happier and less frazzled or short with your kids, which makes for a happier childhood! My kids are aged 7 and 9, and I constantly ask them about how she treats them – they have nothing but nice things to say about her. As we turned towards the direction of the commotion, I noticed a young lady (she must have been in her early twenties), seated at a nearby table, with a serious expression on her face. Moments later, the lady started smacking the boy on his tummy at first, then she hit the back of his head with her handphone!
At this point, I was right next to their table and heard her curse at him, telling him he’s a bad boy and he ‘must be punished’. I told her I was watching from afar on how she was mishandling and whacking him, and I was concerned. Please don’t call the police.” She tried to convince her employer but of course, her words meant nothing.
Getting to know your child and seeing things from his point of view will help you help him learn to trust himself. Get psychological help if they are interfering with your ability to remain calm and parent effectively.
If you suffer from low self-confidence, especially if you feel it’s a result of how you were parented, take steps to heal yourself and break the family pattern.
Your sensitivity toward him will increase his sensitivity toward you, and someday he may be the one lifting your self-confidence.
Thomas was a sensitive child whose mother had spent years helping him build a strong sense of self-worth. It improves a child’s behavior by giving him feelings of importance and accomplishment. Of course, you don’t have to play all day long, nor will your child want you to (unless he senses your resistance).
If you want to raise a confident child, be sure your child believes you value her because of who she is, not how she performs.
You’ll be able to make on-the-spot disciplinary interventions, either with your child in a private lesson or in group therapy if the whole pack needs some redirecting. Somewhere in the middle is the parent who grounds the child in a firm value system and guides her as she encounters other value systems.
This helps them feel more valuable and channels their energy into desirable behavior and teaching skills. Besides giving them a sense of responsibility for their own nutrition, they are more likely to eat what they make. By seven or eight they can put in a load of laundry, and by ten they can be doing their own laundry. Confident Kids will give you practical strategies for shaping and improving your child's outlook and mindset. She is the co-author of 'The Parenting Trap' series, which include a variety of books that will assist parents in raising happy, confident and successful children. Stop Complimenting Them!" Complimenting them all of the time for their efforts, regardless of how small the effort was, can create more damage than good. The unpraised, in turn, show higher levels of confidence, while over praised are more likely to lie to make their performances sound better. Note: any posts that contain video or other website technologies won’t be available in the email version of the posts.
Understanding this benefit, a lot of parents enroll their kids into foreign language education as early as 2-3 years old. After all, by looking after yourself first, you are more likely to have more energy and enthusiasm with which to look after your little tots.
But what I saw today really struck horror in me and raises a string of questions on how our kids are being treated by our maids. The boy sank to the floor of the food court and continued crying. I stared disapprovingly at the woman.
As baby gets older it becomes important for him to learn how to deal with healthy frustration, as this will teach him to adjust to change. This concept is especially true for a child who is handicapped or seems to come into this world relatively short-changed in natural talents. This kind of nurturing cements together the blocks of self-worth, and can also repair them. We were engaged in a philosophical discussion of the long-term benefits of attachment parenting and Thomas was understandably bored. Instead of viewing playtime as a chore, use it to make an investment in your child’s behavior. If you want to bring something new to the same old play activity, add your own new twists as the play continues.


I needed time away from some of those other things to focus on this important little person who was, without realizing it, teaching me to relax. One year I was a pre-med student competing with a bunch of marketing majors for a summer sales job. Operating on the carry-over principle, we encouraged his enjoyment of athletics while supporting him as he worked on the academics. If a child is securely attached to his caregivers and armed with a strong self-image, he may not be disturbed by these different behaviors. The child, because she has a strong value system to begin with, is better able to weigh her parents’ value system against alternatives and develop her own firm code of values. Teach him exactly how you want them handled (for example, excess food in the garbage, dishes rinsed and then put in the dishwasher). Children at all ages suffer a bit of work inertia, especially as tasks wear on and lose their fun appeal.
Best is to pay immediately after the work is responsibly done, since children are immediate-reward oriented. When children have jobs in the home, not only are parents relieved of some of the busywork, but children feel they are contributing to a cause.
Parents have a huge influence over the way their children think and deal with life's situations and events. Praise becomes like a drug: once they get it, they need it, want it, are unable to function without it.
Although English is the primary language of business and commerce in the world, the demand for multilingual professionals is steadily increasing even in the USA, and it is only going to grow in the future. Additionally, you are showcasing a happy and healthy adult, something you want your child to achieve when they are adults themselves. He was looking at her in fear, while she went on screaming at him to ‘’eat faster!’’ Seeing that the boy was Indian, and she looked Filipino, I assumed she was the maid. Children who do not have this early sense of well-being struggle to find it, but they are unsure of what they are looking for because they don’t know how it feels. Still, the earlier the cement is applied, the smoother it goes on and the stronger it sticks.
He began hanging on my scale—an expensive scale that is built into the top of the examining table.
This space contained him and provided support in case he, as a beginning sitter, started to topple sideways. Play helped me to get to know Matthew’s temperament and his capabilities at each stage of development. The more interest you show in doing things with your baby early on, the more interest your child will have in doing things with you when he’s older.
If you don’t protect your child from unrealistic expectations, his sense of competence is threatened.
In other words, give of yourself regardless of how the game or the achievement test turns out.
She needs an extra dose of confidence so that she can follow her own inner timetable in adjusting to new situations and relationships. Be sure to use unbreakable cups and plates and put messy pans in the oven to be cleaned later by an adult. In the next stage of development, from five to ten years, children can make the connection that with increasing privileges come responsibilities. Happy and successful children usually grow up to be well-adjusted adults who lead fulfilling lives. I was secretly woven together deep in the earth below, but with your own eyes you saw my body being formed.
It was important to call her out on it so that she knew it was a severe mistake she had made, not something to be taken lightly. Repetition deepens these patterns in the infant’s mind, and eventually emotions, positive or negative, become associated with them. This explains why some babies who get attachment parenting in the early years manage well despite an unsettled childhood because of family problems.
The child reveals himself to the parent—and vice versa— during play; the whole relationship benefits greatly. As your child grows, you can involve him in your play and your work, since being with you is the best reward.
Recognize your child’s special talents, and help her build on them, then watch the whole person blossom. Don’t expect your child to excel in sports or music or academics just because you did. As children walk by their showcase, they can see at a glance five to ten years of achievement. The deeper the roots of home-grown self-confidence, the better equipped kids are to interact with peers in a way that builds up self-worth rather than tearing it down. His whole day revolved around his ailment, and his family focused on this part of Greg instead of on the whole person.
It may include many of the parents’ values with a sprinkling of alternatives learned from peers or teachers.
As they talk (endlessly) and observe and experiment in a variety of situations, they learn about how they will choose to act and react. Once he learns a sense of responsibility for these things, a sense of responsibility to society will come naturally in the next stage of development.
When we decided to get a family cottage, the deal was that Saturday mornings would be family fix-up time at the cottage, and only after the work was completed would the recreation begin. And the energy they spend on the home becomes an investment they are making into the value system of that home.
Consider the famous case of Baby Jessica, the two-year-old who because of a legal quirk was taken from the familiar and nurturing home of her adoptive parents whom she had known since birth, and given to her biological parents who were strangers to her. Playtime puts us on our child’s level, helping parents get behind the eyes and into the mind of their child. Think of it this way—you are doing the most important job in the world—raising a human being. Beginning an interaction by using the other person’s name opens doors, breaks barriers and even softens corrective discipline.
Coupling a passive person with a strong personality is all right if the stronger child pulls your child up rather than knocking him down. If his self-confidence is shaky, a child may view aggressiveness or bullying as normal and make these behaviors part of himself or allow himself to be victimized. Trying belatedly to impose your values on a teenager whose main developmental task at this stage is to identify his own values is difficult. She is likely to thrive because she entered a strange situation with a strong sense of well-being created by early nurturing.
As they get older, they may even come to feel responsible for their parents’ happiness. Children learn to associate how you use their name with the message you have and the behavior you expect. While some children will wisely seek out complimentary playmates on their own, sometimes it is helpful to set up your child by purposely exposing him to appropriate peers.
When children are attachment parented, they are well equipped to manage different environments (home, grandparents, preschool, Sunday school) with different rules very well.
If you see no change in the child’s willingness to venture out, that may be unhealthy. Around age six, when your child begins elementary school, other adults become influential in her life. He is not a leaf hurried downstream in the river that takes the path of least resistance, overflows its bounds and eventually drains into a large sea of uncertainty.
Stuffing feelings doesn’t do any good for the child, the parents, or the relationship. She will spend the rest of her life maintaining that feeling despite the trauma she endured. That’s a tough assignment for a parent who may have been raised to perform for love and acceptance. For healthy social development, a child first must be comfortable with himself before he can be comfortable with others. But if you see some gradual moving out, then your child is simply a cautious social developer, which is characteristic of sensitive children, who may form a few meaningful and deep relationships, rather than numerous superficial ones. It became a family illness, and all, except Greg, were put into roles they didn’t like. These are people who are around your child enough to influence her behavior and model values.
Many children flounder, sometimes for the rest of their lives, searching for values that should have been formed in infancy and early childhood. It tells the child that you are threatened by her feelings, or she gets the message that you don’t care to understand her feelings.
If you are experiencing serious problems with depression or anxiety, seek help so that you can resolve these feelings before they affect your child. She had saturated her child’s self awareness with positive feelings, and the youngster was used to the way he felt being on the receiving end of these strokes. We have noticed that children with self-confidence more frequently address their peers and adults by name or title. If your child’s group does not seem to have the right chemistry, it would be wise to intervene.
The child picks up on your attitude and learns that expressing or even having feelings is not okay. When mother flashed a negative reflection, the child didn’t like the feeling it produced. By being a monitoring mom, Martha was able to come to the rescue of one of our children who was being intimidated and blackmailed into stealing money from us.
This means that today’s parents need to be vigilant as to who is modeling what behavior to their children. The child decides that the feelings that accompany the ups and downs of her daily life are not worthwhile. This junior racketeer in the neighborhood was busted because Martha became suspicious of certain phone calls and listened in one day. Our frightened seven-year-old was in way over his head and was greatly relieved when we intervened.
If this unfeeling pattern repeats itself over and over, the child quickly learns both to suppress the feelings and especially to hide them from her parents.
On the one side are the parents who feel it’s healthy for children to experience a lot of different value systems while growing up so that they will be more open-minded as adults. On the other side are parents who want to protect their child from all outside influences and any ideas that may differ from their own beliefs.



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