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You will be picking up this beautiful woman (let’s call her Jenna) to take her on an ice cream date in approximately one hour.
You weren’t so nervous about meeting up with Jenna before, but the week’s events have bruised your confidence just a bit. It turns out that Judy was on to something big when she used to tell me that as a young boy at the dinner table—a concept that has been SCIENTIFICALLY-PROVEN to improve your confidence. Even if you don’t say a word, your body language is constantly communicating to others your internal state. Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy, who works as a Professor and researcher at Harvard Business School, performed a simple study demonstrating the chemical change that occurs in the body as you sit in high- and low-power poses for two minutes. The people who sat in high-power poses averaged a 20% increase in testosterone (confidence hormone) while decreasing their cortisol (stress hormone) by 25%.
When you engage in a high-power pose, you show that you are comfortable, relaxed, and not afraid to take up space. Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat at night, your blood pumping, an intense anger coursing through your veins, and you had no idea why? Have you ever seen a piping-hot pepperoni pizza on TV when you were absolutely starving, and you immediately had an animalistic urge to eat said pizza? Have you ever gotten goosebumps while watching William Wallace in Braveheart passionately rally his Scotsmen into battle against the English? The nightmare represents something that did not physically happen, the pizza was not actually in front of you, and William Wallace was not waging war in your living room. When we struggle with our own personal goals and lack self-confidence, it’s easy to make mental movies in our heads and talk to ourselves in a way that is personally demeaning and hurtful.
Though it may not often feel like it, your brain is intently listening to everything that little voice in your head says—and it’s watching all those mental movies.
When your brain sees and hears those things, it determines whether they are positive or negative, and it outputs hormones and chemicals into your body that reflect that feeling.
So how can you make the most of self-talk and visualization in order to put yourself in the best possible mental state to succeed?
When you talk to yourself or start directing mental movies of yourself in your head, it’s critical to make sure that those events are positively charged.
Instead of telling yourself damn, I suck, try telling yourself, wow, that didn’t work at all. Back in the day, when “fast food” included rabbits, deer, and birds, and you could only communicate with those within shouting distance, failing socially meant the difference between enjoying the safety of your tribe, and being ostracized and eventually mauled to death by a saber-toothed tiger.

When they encountered these obstacles, they not only hurdled them, but ran furiously through the next 100 like a runaway freight train, stopping to learn and improve each step of the way.
As you finish freshening-up for your date with a spritz of your favorite cologne and a quick comb of your hair, you spend a couple of minutes in a power pose in order to boost your testosterone and lower your stress hormones. You ditch the negative self-talk, and start genuinely thinking about how Jenna’s really into you. You start thinking about your embarrassing moment at work and you think, who the hell cares?
By the time you show up on her porch to pick her up, you have a devilishly-confident smirk on your face, and you’re ready to take her on the best date of her young life. The Distilled Man features articles and videos about essential skills every man should know. The Cavaliers defeat the Hawks 104-93 in Game 1 of their Eastern Conference semifinal series.
One evening, after having a few drinks I’d got home and, out of habit, started to roll a joint.
I remember desperately trying to get to the bathroom but ending up on the kitchen floor unable to move.
But the point is this: each time things like this happened my confidence would get a huge knock.
I’d worked out that it was, above all else, the weed that was contributing to my lack of self-confidence. I found out with self-hypnosis and meditation I could look at the world in a different way and overcome my problems with confidence and insecurity. If you would like to find out how I did that you can read about it in my free e-book and listen to a free MP3 I provide if you sign up to my newsletters.
Enter your email address below and I will send you a free e-book, relaxation MP3 and email updates about using self-hypnosis and meditation to let you live the happy and stress-free life of your choosing.
Enter your email address and get free quitting weed tips, relaxation MP3 and e-book delivered straight to your inbox! If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito. You’ve had a hard time keeping up with that new diet and exercise regimen you’ve been trying.
Your body language tells others a lot about how you are feeling, and it’s powerful enough to determine whether people will feel comfortable or incredibly nervous around you.

Those who sat in low-power poses decreased their testosterone by about 10% while increasing their cortisol by 15%.
You show others that you value yourself and your space, and as a result, your body thanks you for it, by boosting your confidence hormones. I should probably go beat my head against a curb is another possibility, after an embarrassing first date. The more you are able to think positively, the more your brain is going to thank you, with a rush of positively-reinforcing hormones.
It’s easy to feel like you’re not succeeding when you go on Facebook and see your friend who just got a cool new job—or when you see pictures of your acquaintances traveling the world. When you experience something that you deem as “failure”, it’s important to not think of it as a reflection on your character and self-worth, but as feedback that you can use to learn what works, and what doesn’t.
Babe Ruth broke both the home run record and the strikeout record in the same week back in 1923. When not at his day job, he enjoys shopping at Trader Joe’s, playing sports, and eating guacamole. This is a common complaint amongst young people especially but it actually affects people from all age groups. As soon as I had smoked a bit, the room started spinning round and I began to feel quite ill. Well, I’ll spare you the details of what followed, but as you can imagine, I’d reached a low point in my life!
You’ve been spending way too much money lately, and you totally embarrassed yourself at work today in front of your boss.
I’d usually be smoking weed while I was out but on this particular occasion I had only been drinking. Because your ancestors had such amazing genes, you are sitting exactly where you are supposed to be this very second.
Steve Jobs was fired from Apple in 1985, only to come back several years later and become CEO of one of the world’s greatest companies. Since I pretty much only had myself to think about, and I really only thought about getting high.

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