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25.03.2016
Kevin Hansen started Secret Regrets by asking people what the biggest regret of their lives was, what one thing they would change if they had a second chance to. Are you surprised at the level of response Secret Regrets has received, from readers, contributors and supporters? I think Secret Regrets initially offers a tremendous outlet for releasing pain, guilt, and internal suffering that many people keep bottled up inside. I was most surprised how complete strangers stepped up to offer comments of support, encouragement, empathy and unconditional love to people they didn’t know.
I would say that no matter what you are facing in life, you don’t have to carry these burdens by yourself. Is there something you would want to say to someone who feels they don’t deserve to move forward from a past regret? Of the thousands of secret regrets I’ve received, the one that stands out the most is the one featured in the introduction of the Secret Regrets book.
There has been SO much great advice given by Secret Regrets fans for those struggling with regrets.
When the ultrasound technician announced that Nicole's second child was a boy, she wanted to cry.
One couple recently took the risky step of finding out their baby's gender live on TODAY; judging from their reactions, "It's a boy" was good news, especially for dad. Jamie Crosier, mother of three, believes every expecting mother has a preference on gender whether they admit it or not.
When Jamie was pregnant with her second child, she felt like she was just getting the hang of being a mother to her daughter. ForNicole King, a random encounter with an acquaintance helped her start to see the benefits of having two boys.
This coping mechanism, known as “active reframing,” is the most common approach to dealing with gender disappointment. With hormones raging, feelings of gender disappointment mid-pregnancy can feel heightened, but may be even worse if you leave the gender a surprise until delivery. When Jamie Crosier’s son Cash was born, the disappointment over wanting a second daughter disappeared immediately. It's common to feel guilty after divorce, and that guilt is increased tenfold if you're a parent. His goal was “to help people see how powerful looking back can be as the first step in moving forward".


Was there something you regretted in your own life that inspired you to put Secret Regrets together? I wondered how much information people would be willing to share online if they knew they were 100% anonymous. I could have never imagined that this project would touch millions of people worldwide, changing lives – and even saving lives. Phil show, a noteworthy accomplishment and indication of the value that Secret Regrets offers.
But beyond that, Secret Regrets offers hope and inspiration, letting people know that no matter what they’ve been through, they are not alone. It truly brought people together by becoming a global online support community of strangers helping strangers get through the toughest times of their lives. We have that little voice inside of us telling us we’re not good enough, we don’t deserve to be happy. It’s from a 16 year old girl who regretted on New Year’s Eve that she had no reason to live and see the new year. I think the best advice is when people suggest using Secret Regrets as a vehicle for making a change in their own life. Nicole and her husband already had a 2-year old son, and were clearly hoping their second baby would be a girl. Brizendine says that many mothers feel guilt and shame over feeling disappointment about their baby's gender, so they suppress their sadness and keep it to themselves. She lives in San Francisco with her husband Tyler, 11-month old son Ben, and furry-child Cooper. You know -- or at least are reasonably sure -- your kids will ultimately benefit from seeing both of their parents happy again, but until you've convinced yourself of that, the guilt pervades.
Below, 10 divorced parents on Whisper -- a free app where people share their secrets anonymously -- admit some of the crushing thoughts they've had since the divorce.
For example, a woman posted that she couldn’t forgive herself for cheating on her husband – even though he said he had forgiven her.
This phenomenon, known as “gender disappointment,” is rarely discussed yet common among expectant mothers.
When I was in the ultrasound room and the technician told me it was a boy I actually cried. She told me that in her experience, when siblings of different genders are so close in age they have less in common.


But if you find the disappointment lingering, before or after delivery, there are healthy ways of dealing with your emotions. Secret Regrets is about how ungraceful we can be at times, how poorly we can handle loss, how our fears and selfishness and desires and mistakes can linger and even haunt us for years. One asked what your biggest fear was, one asked what your most embarrassing moment was, and one asked what the biggest regret of your life was. Each small step you take will lead to you finally being able to put your regrets behind you once and for all. Once we admit our regrets to ourselves or others, we realize our situations are often not quite as bad as we sometimes tend to make them out to be.
But by seeing others who have made the seemingly impossible journey, Secret Regrets gives so many people the courage to start on their own path of healing. I truly believe that healing begins with revealing, and that’s what Secret Regrets is all about.
Parents and children, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, lovers, friends and even strangers, young and old alike, are greeted by reader’s comments that offer comfort, reassurance and most importantly, in my opinion, a sense of forgiveness and non-judgment. My regret of not truly believing in myself and realizing the ability I had to help others probably played an underlying role in the development of the Secret Regrets project.
He was amazed and shocked that she was STILL beating herself up over something he hadn’t thought about in years. She finally realized he had truly forgiven her – and that gave her the ability to truly forgive herself. With empathy and understanding, people want others to know that “it’s ok” or “it will be ok”.Similar to the Post Secret movement started by Frank Warren, Secret Regrets provides a therapeutic opportunity for both the sender and reader of the secrets. Her post began with “I’m here.” She thanked the anonymous community that rallied around her, giving her courage to tell her best friend about her struggles and her intentions. I thought to myself, a life had actually just been saved – thanks to the Secret Regrets project and the amazing online community of supporters.
The Secret Regrets book is available on Amazon, and the eBook can be downloaded on Kindle or Nook.



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