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Any job very well done that has been carried out by a person who is fully dedicated is always a source of inspiration.
As a company dedicated to creating fun and affordable toys for children, everyone at Ty is proud to play a small part in helping children in need have a happy holiday. If you be faithful, you will have that honor that comes from God: his Spirit will say in your hearts, Well done, good and faithful servants. Football is an art, like dancing is an art - but only when it's well done does it become an art. This blog needs to be prefaced with what has colloquially been termed “trigger warning”: I’m going to be touching, at least tangentially, on the idea of non-consentual relations between people, including in a sexual context. For the rest of us, we’re going to be talking about a pretty hot topic these days: sexual coercion. Requiring verbal acknowledgement for every sensual activity presumes the ability and comfort of everyone to express those feelings verbally – and that is a privileged and very narrow-minded view of people. Sure, it would be nice if everyone could just say “Hey, I would like to kiss you – may I?” and the response was as clear as “Yes, that would be very nice! So if we have to worry constantly about whether that enthusiastic “yes” is genuine, does that mean the death of romance?
The idea behind seduction is to encourage consent – actual, willing and even enthusiastic consent – by building arousal and interest, not by putting pressure on her to give in. Personally, I tend to take a rather Zen slant to this idea – that is, I try to be unattached to outcomes and enjoy the moment for what it is, not for what it might lead to. In other words, it is not as damaging to self-esteem in the long run as it often is for women.


It should also be noted that alcohol is always brought up in these studies as a factor in coercive situations. It probably won’t surprise you to know that I fall into the “personal responsibility” camp of preventing coercive sexual behavior.
That means consent can’t be “given” from one person to another – a concept that has always bothered me, as if we carry around little boxes that we open and dole out to the worthy.
We are proud to be associated with Toys for Tots and congratulate our Marines for a job well done. If you don’t like hearing about or thinking about this kind of thing, I can respect that, and I suggest you go read something else.
So instead we have long lingering looks, and brushes and touches and awkward pauses and really, it’s kind of delightful because we have, as a species, communicated with our bodies so much longer than we’ve communicated with speech.
The key word here is “encourage”; he or she may be aroused to the point of bursting but still not want to have sex and that is the end of the matter.
In a recent study 40% of males reported being pressured into sex when they really didn’t want it by women. That doesn’t make it any less wrong – it just makes the consequences possibly not as severe.
While that’s certainly a common element, I believe it’s important to remember that it’s not just alcohol that can affect people’s judgment.
However, to me that does not mean that someone shouldn’t dress provocatively, drink alcohol, or make off-color jokes in mixed company. It’s an idea of mutual respect both of the other person and of yourself, free from both personal coercive factors like alcohol and tango music as well as societal coercives such as guilt and shame.


I’m not just talking about new relationships, either – as I said before, coercion happens between long-term partners as well, and possibly more often because they’ve had years to get really good at it.
And as nice as it would be for it to be as black-and-white as “yes means yes”, it’s not, at least not for the vast majority of people. Anger, arousal, exercise, excitement, trance, Black Friday, you name it, there are many situations where you know that you are going to be making decisions differently than when you’re lucid.
The risk is that you will discover that you are being coercive, or being coerced, without either of you realizing it.
Not a demand, not a threat, not a need only I can fill, and probably not something I only get one chance at. Not just physical location, but the emotional and physiological states of everyone involved. It’s possible for friends to coerce someone into things they don’t want to do with someone else (spin-the-bottle being a prime culprit, along with “Truth or Dare”).
In general this is a reminder to refrain from mentally running off into storyland, but if storyland is what happens be willing to observe (not analyze) that too. If individuals were better at reading body language, there might be fewer “coerced” incidents. Is it possible to forgive, to find a way to change a coercive habit into a habit of creating consent together?



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