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Plan any exposure to situations that involve danger It's important that you have a strategy and achievable defined goals. To restore harmony into a relationship, focus on what you appreciate about the other person, and not your complaints.
You only have to tip the balance of your thoughts and feelings to positive to dramatically transform your life. When you exist in the great state of gratitude, you become a person who only wants to give.
For all of you who love paper planners, here is a free printable weekly planner insert to help manage your week. Hello, you can download these free printable planner page flags in navy and silver by clicking the image below. If you’re interested in custom logo or printable design for your blog or Etsy, please check out my Fiverr profile.
The size of this print is 8×10, so if you do happen to print it at home, you will have to do some trimming. Hi everyone, here are some free printable kitchen spice labels for you to print and customize. One sheet has the spice names and one does not.
The Graffical Muse is a resourceful little site administered and created by Leslie, a freelance creator of digital things. Know how to actively take responsibility for your behavior when you have been abusive or violent. Understand that you have choices about your behavior and are able to choose to stay nonviolent. To successfully complete this program, each participant must:Attend and be on time for all group sessions unless excused due to illness or emergency. The two wheels show two different kinds of behavior used in relationships with family members. The purpose of Step-Up is to help you move from the abuse wheel to the respect wheel in your relationships with family members.
What does this person do that helps you feel close to him or her?Draw a square around the family member you have the most conflict with.
Pick one behavior from the abuse wheel or respect wheel you want to work on during the following week.
When do I usually use the behavior I want to change?Say something to yourself that will help you change your behavior. Violent and abusive behavior has negative consequences for the abuser, as well as for the person who is the target of the behavior. You will identify your red flags-that is, the signs that a time-out is necessary or a situation may get abusive. If we pay close attention to our bodies, thoughts and feelings, we can find some warning signs that we are getting angry or upset and may become abusive to our family members. Describe a situation in the recent past when you were upset, and write down what your red flags were. In the space below, write down some things you can think about or say to yourself that will calm you down.The next time you start feeling upset or angry, think one of these things. In the situation you just witnessed, what were some of the red flags?What was the first red flag?At what point do you think it might have been a good idea to stop the conversation?
Read each scenario below and answer these three questions: How could the person use his or her personal power in a negative way?How could the person use his or her personal power in a positive way? For a lot of people, anger is used to mask other feelings and the iceberg is a way of showing how this works.
Read each scenario below and write down the feelings, besides anger, the person might be having.Barb gets kicked out of math class for arguing with the teacher again.
When I control the way I think, I have more control over the way I act.When I can change my thinking, I make better choices.
Session 10: Understanding Beliefs (Teen Session)Background InformationIn this session, we will look at beliefs that support the use of violence or that place the blame or responsibility for violence on another person.
Beliefs are often at work below the surface of our awareness, so we don't often think about them. You may notice when other group members are not being accountable, and you can teach them-in a respectful way-how to be accountable. Here are some Free Printable Law of Attraction Bookmarks for you to download and print. Click on the image below that shows all three bookmarks to download your PDF. Leslie is skilled in Photoshop and Illustrator (don't judge the early work that should have never made it to the interwebs). This means you can talk about your abusive or violent behavior without denying, justifying, or minimizing it, or blaming others. The behaviors on the abuse wheel are behaviors that emotionally or physically hurt family members and are used to gain power over them.
All of the skills we teach in the program will help you replace behaviors on the abuse wheel with behaviors on the respect wheel.Check-inWe will use the abuse and respect wheels for check-in each week.
What is the conflict usually about?Draw a triangle around the family member you admire the most. Picking a behavior from the abuse wheel or respect wheel will help keep the focus on these behaviors. The purpose of this session is to define abuse and violence and to help you think about how your choice of violent and abusive behavior has affected your life. Violent and abusive behavior is not a "reaction" over which an individual has no control.Discussion QuestionsWhat are violent and abusive behaviors? Make a decision to take a time-out to prevent yourself from being abusive to another family member.A time-out can take anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. The following scenarios provide examples of personal power: Your math teacher has power because she has certain skills and knowledge about teaching math.


She is sent to the vice principal, who tells her that she'll be suspended for a week because this is the third time she's been kicked out of class.
We may explain things to ourselves in a way that makes us more and more angry, or we may explain things to ourselves in a way that helps us stay calm and figure things out. Sally is mad because Ramona was supposed to give her a ride somewhere, and now Sally is late.
Later you find out she is going somewhere with another friend of yours and they didn't invite you. What do people do to be accountable about something they did?Think of a time when you saw someone be accountable when that person did something wrong. In other words, when a teen has an unexcused absence, he or she will be required to do two additional sessions.
The behaviors on the respect wheel are ones that acknowledge other people's value and that consider other people's concerns. We will begin every session by looking at the wheels in your workbook and have you pick out behaviors you have used during the week.
It also provides an opportunity for you to get to know other group members and learn about each other's families.
What does this person do that you admire?Draw a diamond around the family member you respect the most. When you are violent and abusive you are usually acting without thinking about the outcomes and consequences of the behavior you use. When Jack walks in the door, his mother asks, "Where you were and why are you so late?"Jack: "I don't want to talk about it. Her mom already told her that she needs to stay home all weekend and study because her grades are dropping. When we feel anger we know that we need to do something-to figure out a problem, make a change, talk to someone about our feelings, or make a decision to try to let it go.
Sally starts yelling at Ramona and Ramona argues with her, and they both end up yelling and screaming at each other.
Remember, people can be angry without becoming violent, and we all have choices about how we handle difficult emotions.
After everyone in the group has talked about the behaviors he or she has used on the wheels, the teen's parent looks at the wheels and identifies behaviors the teen has used during the week. For example, when you say "fighting with my brother," what do you do (yell, hit, push, get in his face?), and when do you usually do it? An important step toward choosing nonviolent and non-abusive behavior is to recognize the consequences of violent and abusive behavior.
You can then take a short walk or go into another part of the house where you can be alone.Think of something to help you calm down.
What could Sara do?Larry just had an argument with his girlfriend, Lindsey, about their plans for the weekend.
She says, "No, I don't want pizza, and I really don't want to hang out with you anymore." Jake yells at her, calls her a name and walks off. What did you feel about this person?What are some of the ways our society holds people accountable?What is the difference between being accountable for yourself and having accountability imposed on you?
Some teens don't regard some of the emotionally abusive behaviors they use as "abusive." Many have come to view name calling, yelling, and put-downs as "normal" behavior when they are angry. Self-calming thoughts are used to help de-escalate one's emotions and separate from a potentially difficult situation.
Or maybe she has a lot of patience and is willing to spend extra time so everyone in the class can learn.
The first is by separating feelings of anger from the behavior you choose, and the second is by recognizing you have other feelings when you feel anger. Anger has been the force that changed many injustices in our country's history, and has brought communities together to create positive change.
Who are you accountable to?What makes it hard to be accountable when you've done something wrong?What feelings do you have when you've decided you've done something wrong? Each week at check-in you will report on how your goal went and then choose a goal for the next week. Using the Steps for Changing My Behavior (listed below) helps with this process.Choose small realistic goals, rather than big goals that will be hard to accomplish. In general, we consider emotional abuse to be any behaviors that verbally attack, put down, humiliate, or are intentionally hurtful to a person (this includes yelling and name calling). Try to identify what it is that makes you feel angry, frustrated, or irritated.Try to stop your negative thoughts. For example, you may be too upset, too tired, or too hungry to talk through the problem effectively. Violence is any behavior that physically harms, scares or threatens a person (this includes property destruction, getting in someone's face, and threats to hurt). So, you can agree to put it on hold for a while until both people feel calm and ready to talk.
She can use her power in a negative way by yelling at you, humiliating you in front of the class, or threatening to fail you.You are baby-sitting your little brother, who is watching a show on TV.
What could Larry do?Jennifer is tired of her younger sister going into her room and borrowing her clothes without asking. More specifically, anger should not be used to justify violence and abuse, or to intimidate or make other people feel powerless.
Tanisha's younger sister, Vanessa, is listening in on her conversation, which makes Tanisha mad. One day, after Robin finishes talking to Devon on the phone, her mom says, "I thought we already talked about Devon. What could she do?Max's dad said that Max has to clean out the garage before he goes anywhere today.


You have the power to change the channel, because you are older, bigger, have more knowledge and skills. If you decide to put the discussion on hold, make sure to set a specific time (for example, after dinner, or Saturday morning) when you are going to discuss it.Discuss it. If he objects, you can use your power in a negative way by threatening to hit him or lock him out of the house.
If you feel calm after the time-out, you may decide that you are ready to talk about the issue with the other person.
Or, you can use your power in a positive way by negotiating a plan with him, like letting him have the TV for the rest of the evening after the game. You must be ready to listen to the other person, use problem-solving skills, and communicate respectfully. She has had problems with keeping to her curfew and forgetting to call when she will be late. She walks over to her sister and slaps her.Scene ThreeMaria's mother is planning to go out with her friend to have dinner and to see a movie.
When she was at his house, he talked about how he thinks the divorce was all her mom's fault. One time after his mother told him to get off the Internet, Pete grabbed a hockey stick he had in his room and said that if she didn't leave him alone he was going to hit her with it.
What could he doLisa's parents have been checking on her a lot lately because she was going places she wasn't supposed to go. When Katie gets home, her mom says, "Did you get your homework done this weekend?" Katie screams at her mom, "Why can't you just leave me alone?" Katie is angry. Maria decides to ask some of her girlfriends over to hang out in her room while Max watches a movie in the living room. Her mom wants to know the phone numbers where Lisa is all the time and she calls to check on her. What else might she be feeling?Think of a situation when you were really angry and got abusive to another person. Later, Pete said what he did wasn't so bad because he didn't actually hit her like he had done one other time. In difficult situations, your thinking will determine how you behave and what choices you make. We begin by asking you to be aware of the things you say to yourselve or things you are thinking in difficult situations. When you can identify what thoughts you are having, you can then decide if your thoughts are helping you resolve problems or are making problems worse.
His mother said he has to do certain chores each week since he's a member of the household.
If you are successful at examining your thinking, you can change your thoughts during difficult situations so you can resolve conflicts without abuse and violence.
Randy spends a lot of time in his room and doesn't think he should have to clean the living room. After his mother asked him to do housework, Randy told her to "shut up." His mother got upset and started to cry. In this session you will learn how these work together to impact how you choose to respond to an event. You will identify the feelings, self-talk and beliefs you have in a difficult situation and how to change them so you can make a better choice about your behavior. You're a creep and a narc." Scene FourRaul is supposed to take out the garbage on Tuesday mornings. Here's the lock." Jeremy rides to his girlfriend's house and leaves the bike leaning against the porch.
He asks Jeremy, "What are you going to do about the bike?" Jeremy says, "Oh come on, it's just a bike. Why do you have to go on and on and on about it?"Mom: "I don't think you understand how important details are and not forgetting about them. How are you going to remember more important things if you can't remember the little stuff like taking out the garbage?"Raul: "Just shut up. Paul looks at her for a while, and then he calls her a slut and tells her she must be trying to get with other guys.
Every morning he writes the whole lesson the board, and he spends the entire class reading it out loud. Randy and his friends are walking by the school and they see Jim, who everyone says is gay.
Bob (one of Randy's friends) says, "Hey, let's get the faggot!" They surround Jim and taunt him for a while. One night, Dennis's wife goes out with her friends and leaves Dennis alone to take care of Jeff. He leaves a note on it that says, "Please mail this out soon." Ron gets back from lunch and has a lot of work to do. She is going away for three weeks at Christmas and she asks her friend Nora to feed the fish every other day.
Nora feeds the fish every other day for two weeks, but then she goes to stay with her boyfriend, who lives on the other side of town.



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