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The road to successful living comes with many choices and the willingness to participate in your life.
I find greater inspiration in the deeds of the long-lived and in the eloquent words of those with an amazing ability to size up and express the positive aspects of advancing years. While going through the emails what surprised me the most was just how consistent some of the advice was. The most common piece of advice—so common that almost every single email said at least something about it—was to start getting your financial house in order and to start saving for retirement… today.
Keep an “emergency fund”—there were tons of horror stories about people getting financially ruined by health issues, lawsuits, divorces, bad business deals, etc. Stash away a portion of every paycheck, preferably into a 401k, an IRA or at the least, a savings account.
One reader said, “If you are in debt more than 10 percent of your gross annual salary this is a huge red flag. And then there were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in their 30s. People typically struggle with boundaries because they find it difficult to hurt someone else’s feelings, or they get caught up in the desire to change the other person or make them treat them the way they want to be treated. When we’re in our 20s, the world is so open to opportunity and we’re so short on experience that we cling to the people we meet, even if they’ve done nothing to earn our clingage. Conversely, while enforcing stricter boundaries on who we let into our lives, many readers advised to make the time for those friends and family that we do decide to keep close. A few readers noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong choices. Multiple readers related making major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so.
It follows that if one can still change in their 30s—and should continue to change in their 30s—then one must continue to work to improve and grow.
As Warren Buffett once said, the greatest investment a young person can make is in their own education, in their own mind. In my article about what I learned in my 20s, one of my lessons was “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing,” and that this was good news.
Pretty much everybody agreed to get over whatever problems you have with your parents and find a way to make it work with them. But then there’s the question that plagues every single 30-year-old: To baby or not to baby?
The consensus about marriage seemed to be that it was worth it, assuming you had a healthy relationship with the right person.
This one was rarely the central focus of any email, but it was present in some capacity in almost all of them: treat yourself better. Being a bystander in your life, does not allow you to share your light and energy with others. I sent an email out to my subscribers (subscribe here) and asked readers age 37 and older what advice they would give their 30-year-old selves. The same 5-6 pieces of advice came up over and over and over again in different forms across literally 100s of emails.
Quit spending, pay off your debt and start saving.” Another wrote, “I would have saved more money in an emergency fund because unexpected expenses really killed my budget. One woman emailed me saying that she had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock away some money in a retirement fund each year. These were emails from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain. After calls to take care of your health and your finances, the most common piece of advice from people looking back at their 30-year-old selves was an interesting one: they would go back and enforce stronger boundaries in their lives and dedicate their time to better people. But by our 30s we’ve learned that good relationships are hard to come by, that there’s no shortage of people to meet and friends to be made, and that there’s no reason to waste our time with people who don’t help us on our life’s path.
It may mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they worked hard for and became accustomed to.
Many readers related the choice of going back to school and getting their degrees in their 30s as one of the most useful things they had ever done.
Well, according to the 40+ crowd, this continues to be true in one’s 30s and, well, forever it seems; and it continues to be good news forever as well. Family is the big new relevant topic for this decade for me, because you get it on both ends. One reader wrote, “You’re too old to blame your parents for any of your own short-comings now. Those who choose to be a victim in their lives get left behind, while others who actively participate enjoy the journey to success and happiness because they are in control of where they want to go. The idea was that I would crowdsource the life experience from my older readership and create another article based on their collective wisdom. It took me a solid three days to read through them all and I was floored by the quality of insight people sent.
It seems that there really are a few core pieces of advice that are particularly relevant to this decade of your life. Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s stuck at 57, still living paycheck to paycheck. Because she started early and invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first time in her life.
But just as with the retirement savings, the response from the older readers was loud and unanimous: get healthy and stay healthy now.
They all said the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising and I would not stop. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over the course of lifetime than to half-ass something else. And, in fact, dozens and dozens of readers implored to not let these social expectations of “being an adult” deter you from taking some major risks and starting over.


Your parents are old and you need to start considering how your relationship with them is going to function as a self-sufficient adult. When I asked my mom this question, her answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more. These powerful verses are like a mirror.A If you will be brave enough to look honestly into that mirror, you will find that Paul lists fifteen powerfulA points about the love of God and how it behaves. They later got divorced and she soon ran into health problems, draining all of the money she received in the divorce settlement.
And now that I’m competent and have a major advantage and love what I do, why would I ever trade that in for another career?
She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck, slowly waiting for the day social security kicks in.
Another man related a story of having to be supported by his son because he didn’t save and unexpectedly lost his job in the 2008 crash.
You could say thatA agape is a love that isna€™t based on response but on a decision to keep on loving, regardless of a recipienta€™s response or lack of response. The wordA makros may indicate something that is long, distant, far, remote, or of long duration. It can be translated as the words forbearance and patience.A The wordA makrothumia (a€?longsufferinga€?) is like a candle that has a very long wick. It is readyA to forbear and patiently wait until a certain person finally comes around, makes progress, changes, or hears what you are trying to communicateA or teach him.
Marie Drouillard nods and shares the solemn sentiment with her fellow mariners but her emotions quickly change once her feet hit the docks and she is filled with joy.It is a sunnyA April morning, and a new day in a new world was ahead of Marie. In fact, the harder the fight and the longer the struggle, the more committedA agape love becomes.
She left behind her mother Marie Jeanne, and father Jacques, and the rest of her famille in Ville Marie, Saintonge.
Like a candle with an endless wick, it just keeps burning and burning and burning, for it never knows how to quit. As she set her feet on the rickety docks of settlement named Three Rivers, she took the capine from her head and shakes off the last mist of salt water in her hair and thus begins a romantic adventure that she played out in her mind since her youth.Marie takes a look at theA small settlement and all the activity going on around her. This,A of course, is contrary to human nature, which says, a€?Ia€™m sick and tired of waiting and believing.
It would be a kindness if you would allow me to take you to Father.MARIEVery well Monsieur, I just don't want to put you to any trouble. I am sure you must have other obligations.PIERREIf you are a friend of Fathers then I am obligated to see you safely to his presence. In other words, God has magnificently bestowed on you sufficient love to be longsuffering in any relationship or situation.A Goda€™s love has literally been poured forth, dispensed, and shed abroad in your heart. Now then you would not like the good people of Three Rivers to look down on me as if I were one of the savages walking with empty arms while you tote a heavy load.
It supernaturally becomes stronger and more committedA the longer it takes to get through to the heart of the one who is loved. Instead,A agape makes you want to bend over backwards to become what others need you to be for them!
Thus, the word a€?kinda€? portraysA a willingness to serve and to change in order to meet the needs of others. Instead, it is always reaching out, thinking and focusing primarily on theA needs of others. This is a person so bent on getting his own way that he is willing to sacrifice anything or anyone to get it.
My mother's name was Marie Madeleine.A MARIENow I know you are making jest of our conversation.A PIERREHonest! He is so consumed with himself thatA he doesna€™t ever think of the needs or desires of others. You see, real agape love doesna€™t think of itself first but is always looking outward, thinking of the other person rather than itself. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. Now you must look into Goda€™s a€?mirrora€? and see what it tells you about your own life today.
Are you more focused on people around you than on yourself?A If your answer is yes to these questions, then praise God for the great growth and spiritual maturity you have gained in your life.
I realizeA that Ia€™ve allowed myself to get clogged up with my own self-interests far too often. I want to get away from these arrangements.PIERREWhy is that?MARIEWhen I marry, I want to marry for love and to whom I choose.
I realize that the only way I canA become this selfless is to yield to the Holy Spirit so He can do a deep work in my life.
As she stops walking she looks over and sees a man where before she seen only a trusted soldier. That is if you don't object?A MARIEI would like that Pierre.PIERREWell then we are here at the Chapel. I am so concerned about the welfare of others that one of myA chief priorities in life is to become everything I need to be to meet their needs. Although God has given me my ownA dreams and desires, I never neglect to help others achieve their dreams and aspirations asA well. He is an old man and sometimes takes a while for him to answer.A A MARIEThat is not neccesary Pierre. Can you say that you are longsuffering and patient with others, or would you have to admit that you tend to be short-tempered and quick to a€?blow your topa€? when other people dona€™t do exactly what you expected them to do?A 2. Can you say that you are compliant to the needs of those around you, or would you have to say you are continually demanding that others meet your needs? But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.


The strikingly beautiful Marie had captured his heart and there is no escaping the feelings he hasA for the demoiselle heA just met. It is the first time he has seen her in years.LALEMANTWell look who is all grown up!MARIEI suppose I have grown a little. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it.
Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. How do you feel about Elisabeth marrying at so young a age?LALEMANTIt is long held family tradition to have ones parents betroth their daughter Marie. Why your parents did the same to Gillette, giving her to her first husband and as well as to her second.
I pray Elisabeth will be fine.MARIEWhat issues with Julian do you speak of Father?LALEMANTJulien has been known to enjoy his wine and his work habits are less than desirable.
Well I have crossed the ocean and I have come to the mind set that I cannot live in the past, or change my families mistakes. He sold fish in the market place and he took on the resemblance of a halibut in his looks and also his smell; but that was no matter to my father. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Do you think it is selfish of me, to want to find happiness in this life and a spouse who is not chosen for me, but one that I choose?LALEMANTMarie some do not understand my choice for a spouse. I believe you will have many suitors Marie.MARIEI have not come this far and sacrificed so much to gamble on a stranger's heart.
The world is all gates, all opportunities.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson“We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.”— Winston Churchill“What is life but a series of inspired follies? I presume you have talked over your terms of employment with Monsieur Francois Peron?MARIEYes Father, I will be working at Peron's store as a merchard mercier and will also manage some of his business affairs.LALEMANTExcellent Marie, I am so proud of you.
When we were children we promised that we would never allow this to happen to us or our children.LALEMANTNow Marie, you do not want cause a fuss? After all what is done is done and today is a day of celebration.MARIEMe Father that is the last thing I want to do. Jacques is a locksmith by trade, and he and Gillette have a small farm that barely sustains their 7 children. He is spending most the afternoon in close proximity to the nearestA  keg of brandy and socializing with his rowdy group friends. Besides in his state of drunkenness, he is having trouble remembering which of the Bertault daughters he is suppose to be married too.
I cannot remember.A (laughter from the crowd)The amusement is not shared by Elisabeth's father who looks on and glares his disapproval. Gillette has the look of surpriseA on her face.A GILLETTEYou have made the journey across the ocean Marie and arrived on all days the day of the wedding. She is so young and still acts yet like a child.GILLETTEWell I was 13 when I married my first husband Martin. Should it be any different for my children, Marie?A Gillette looks down at the seven-year-old sister of Elisabeth, Suzanne who she consoles in her arms. I thought things would be different in New France but in so many ways it is the same as was back in Normandy. Marie do you see life any other way?A MARIEI just hope that Julien takes good care of Elisabeth.
Julien has a reputation for sloth and I hear he has a horrible temper when he has been drinking. It seems there is someA doubt on his ability to be a provider.GILLETTEJacques has had several talks with Julien. Julien has been told that he is expected to provide and care for Elisabeth and we think it will all work out. It is just that everyone is just a step away from starvation with the hostilities with the Iroquois.
Have you given the fish salesman an answer, yes or no to marriage?MARIEI have told the Halibut he will have to wait till my contract with Miser Peron is complete and then I can decide with more certainty on my future.
Right now I am glad there is a ocean between us.A GILLETTEAnd does anyone else fit into my dear sisters future? I couldn't help to notice that handsome young soldier escorting you.A MARIEThere is no fit for anyone for a while, I suppose.
To tell you the truth I have days when the thought of living with the Ursulene Sisters seems like the best of all options.
I ask myself do I really need a man to take care of and complicate my life?GILLETTEYou are so independent Marie. Gillette rises from her chair and searches for her husband among the crowd but he is no where to be found. Elizabeth is in tears and quite upset by his behavior as Julien mocks and demeans his new bride for some miss cue of her speech and her untidy appearance.
Elizabeth looks over to her mother for some help or reassurance but none is forth coming.Marie now sits alone taking in all the activity of the celebration into her heart and again ponders the value of marriage arranged or otherwise. Among the women in line for eggs, flour and assorted food items is the familiar face of the stores newest most frequent customer Pierre. Marie is hurrying as she runs late and holds two large hand sewn quilts in a bundle that the Sisters at the convent had sewn. Marie watches in amusement as Pierre fended off the big winged insect.MARIEPierre you are always so helpful and here when I need you.



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