Life can change on a dime for the good too:  We all know this to be true when bad things happen but we forget this about the good things. Focus on values: One of the things that worked for me was to focus on values, not age and possessions. After the messy divorce, the custody and support hearings, and the grieving, is it really possible to clean one’s slate and start out fresh, with a positive mindset, and open up one’s heart to someone new? It turns out that divorced singles who successfully enter into new, serious relationships handle key issues, including money, very differently than they did in their previous marriage. In my longitudinal study of marriage, which is funded by the National Institutes of Health and has been ongoing since 1986, I followed the same 373 married couples over the years—through the early years of marriage and, for 46 percent of them, through divorce.
In addition, divorced singles who consciously set about to change one significant behavior (such as quitting smoking, working fewer hours, or getting regular exercise) were not only more likely to find a new partner, but also described themselves as very happy and hopeful in their new relationships. From letting go of the past and not blaming their ex, to giving more daily attention to their new partner, the lessons learned from divorced people in my study amount to excellent marriage advice. Yes, you can find love again, no matter how old you are or how terrible your previous marriage was. Learn more about how to have a successful second marriage and discover the marriage lessons learned from divorced people in my new book, Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship (Sourcebooks, 2012).
Terri Orbuch PhD is a professor at University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and director of the longest running study of marriage and divorce in the US. See all articles from Red Hot ReadsSex & the Single Minded Woman CONTEST! It may sound superficial, but you might want to think about making some updates to your look. Bars and clubs may have worked when you were in your 20s and 30s, but now it’s time for a scene with more substance. One of the biggest obstacles to finding love after 40 is holding on to thoughts and emotions that no longer serve you. In a recent interview I was asked by a dating coach about Love, Health, Happiness and Finding Love again after a breakup or divorce. A common problem my clients seem to face is deep rooted skepticism and bitterness especially those who have been recently rejected, dumped, cheated and abandoned by a spouse or significant other.
If you want to find love in a healthier and happier manner, you must be what you want to attract. Yes, it is common to feel skepticism about people who disappoint you, know you are not alone in feeling this way. To become happier and healthier start loving yourself more and stop seeking confirmation from external entities.
Lastly, it is ok to feel sad, disappointed, anger, we must embrace our feelings in order to understand what happiness is for you. America’s Happyologist, Jackie Ruka, is a transformational leadership mentor for professionals who crave freedom and are ready to discover living life on their terms! In July I wrote about Mary from Modesto, who used the Internet to meet an Orange County man.
Patrick of Laguna Beach says: Long-distance relationships work well for people who don't want to get too close and only want a limited commitment. Try to meet in person within a month so you won't invest a lot of time, money and emotions into someone who may not be right for you. Before moving spend several weeks with the person at different times of the year and meet and spend quality time with his family, friends and children.


The Orange County Council on Aging is sponsoring a free conference for seniors and caregivers on Nov. Former Pennsylvania Senator Harris Wofford had an essay in Sunday’s New York Times detailing how he fell in love with a man after his wife died 20 years ago. Wofford’s seat was taken by Rick Santorum, a politician well-known for his anti-LGBT stances.
Too often, our society seeks to label people by pinning them on the wall — straight, gay or in between.
For a long time, I did not suspect that idea and fate might meet in my lifetime to produce same-sex marriage equality. Again, according to God’s omniscience, He made LGBT folks, therefore knows their preferences (He gave those preferences to them).
Gotcha, now we can ignore everything you say about religion or logic, since you obviously know nothing of either.
My argument STILL holds, if GOD is just and omniscient, your statement, he makes LGBT people exactly just the way they are, would preclude him from condemning them to hell. Te he Ha ha ha, Ho, Ho, Ho, “inerrant word of God”, What, you saw God write the bible? In fact, divorced people are especially well equipped to have a healthy and successful second marriage. When divorced men and women from my study find a new partner, I ask what they’ve done differently (or have changed) in their new relationship. You can change your attitude and unhelpful habits, untangle your biases and unrealistic expectations, reconnect with your priorities and values, and take a big step out into the dating scene.
Even if you don’t find romance, you will meet like-minded people, and that will enrich your life. An outdated hairstyle from the 80s or old frumpy fashions will make you look dated and older than you really are.
They reach a point where they are either burned out or they have completely lost faith that they can ever find the right man or woman and be happy.
As you navigate the healing process we are often left with unanswered questions, the why’s, the how come’s, the what did I do or say? This may not have to do with you at all, in other words, if a person cannot be honest with themselves, how can they be honest with you? Happiness is an inside job, take some time out for you and enjoy your life and do what you love to do. Now, 56 years, five children, 10 grandchildren and three great grandchildren later, we are still happily married. Wofford, who is now 90, wrote that he met his current companion, 40-year-old Matthew Charlton, five years after his wife died of leukemia and they will be married later this month. My focus was on other issues facing our nation, especially advancing national service for all. Either you believe that he doesn’t make a mistake, so Gays are fine, or God does make a mistake, then why should we believe Him or you? His refute to me was that not everything Jesus said was written down, so you really don’t know where He stood on the issue. For instance, almost 6 out of 10 divorced singles (57%) who are now in healthy new relationships don’t share living expenses with their partner.
When you love yourself, you increase your self-confidence, which naturally attracts others to you.


No one is saying to dress like a teenager, but updating your style can help you feel more confident and reflect your vibrancy, not your age (which is just a number anyway). How can people overcome this negativity and skepticism and cultivate a positive outlook and be hopeful? However, when things don’t work out with someone whether it’s to do with love or any other kind of relationship it usually represents a lack of an agreement(s). Ponder, contemplate, express those feelings in a healthy manner, as this leads you one step closer to a happier you! Her mindshifts and techniques are shared in her best selling book “Get Happy and Create a Kick-Butt Life” ! I had a half-century of marriage with a wonderful woman, and now am lucky for a second time to have found happiness. Seeking to change something as deeply ingrained in law and public opinion as the definition of marriage seemed impossible. Interesting that God supported slavery (why else have rules for both masters and slaves in the Bible?), but David is unsure whether Jesus was pro- or anti-, even in light of the pro- statements attributed to Him. Just say, “Heh, if you ever run across someone that would be a good fit for me, please keep me in mind. I wound up marrying a guy with 6 children and 13 grandchildren who’d been married over 40 years.
Many of us over 40 forget about loving ourselves, either because we’re too busy being responsible for others or because we’ve been through so many experiences that have hurt our self-esteem. Most of us who are not clearly communicating and forming agreements with each other, where both are on the same page, both will have different expectations. The more you become honest about yourself the more you will recognize and attract a healthy person who also loves them self. Be kind to yourself and choose someone who is kind to you, by doing so you must be BELIEVE you deserve happiness, you deserve love and you can start to receive this in return. You can learn more about Jackie and what she has to offer by visiting her Facebook page, Twitter or engage in a complimentary discovery session to learn the step by step process for more direction and happiness in your life.
But the dating techniques you used in your 20s and 30s just won’t cut it once you’ve reached this stage in your life.
Until you are honest about feelings about YOU, you will continue to mirror yourself in another and repeat toxic feel good patterns. So think about those love relationships and put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a minute, do you recall a conversation about exclusivity with each other, or the word commitment or loyalty? Start with a new mantra, I believe and I receive mantra ” I believe I am good and I am open to receive all that is good.” A mantra supplies positive energy all day long. It is right to expand our conception of marriage to include all Americans who love each other. The more you think and utilize your new mantra the sooner your life will change because all that occurs is how you respond to it. Change your response, change your attitude about it and recognize there is something far better awaiting for you.




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