The discovery of infidelity is such an unexpected twist in the road, it blows a hole in our sense of certainty and creates a huge gap between expectations and reality. If any of the things I’ve just described rings a bell for you, then keep reading — because this may be exactly what you need to know right now. Over the next few minutes, I’ll share with you some ideas, tips, hints, suggestions, and strategies to help you rebuild your self-confidence and repair your self-esteem. We hit those troughs of low self-esteem when we just want to jump out of our own bodies and go inhabit some other more attractive, intelligent, successful person. But sometimes you can get stuck for months or even years in a deep hole of self-loathing and low confidence.
But it is possible to dig yourself out of that hole and rebuild your self-esteem and confidence. Our feelings of low self-esteem shut us down and cause so much pain, but it’s our thoughts that create these feelings. To give you an accurate read on it, keep a tally in a small notebook or on your phone for a few days.
You’ll soon realize how difficult it is to fight against that constant voice in your head. Once you start noticing your negative thoughts, you’ll see how many of them are exaggerated. This all or nothing thinking blinds you to the reality of who you are and how others perceive you.
If you have a hobby or interest, get busy working on it so that your mind is occupied and you feel successful at what you’re doing. Learning to accept yourself and look past your flaws is a real step toward permanent change. Exposure therapy involves exposing yourself to the things you fear in small, manageable ways. Conversely, you want to make a point of minimizing time with those who diminish you or make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of people pleasing or hanging out with controlling people in order to boost your self-esteem. You may take these qualities for granted, but they are essential to who you are and how others see you.
It’s that powerful feeling of confidence and freedom, knowing that you are a good person who is valuable and capable, flaws and all.
As you develop these new habits, your feelings about yourself with slowly but surely change. We all suffer from lack of confidence and low self esteem from time to time but I believe if you continue to working on building your self up you will bounce back easier and know exactly what to do when you are feeling low.
Its important to maintain a positive mental attitude, as this can effect your self image greatly.
Barrie is a bestselling author with 10 books and counting, and teaches others how to publish and market their books at Authority Pub Academy. It’s just as easy to find arguments to support positive expectations as it is to find arguments that support negative ones. If you haven’t paid much attention to any of the previous secrets, pay attention to this one.
I, on the other hand, felt like I had just dodged a bullet because I know how important having a good body image is for little girls (and big girls for that matter).
In other words, it radically upsets the balance of things and leaves you feeling out of control.
Positive emotions are created by positive expectations, which generate healthy (or high) self-esteem. Ironically, other people can view you as attractive and competent, but your view of yourself is entirely different. You feel so bad about yourself that you stay contained in a tiny box of insecurity and fear. We may have reinforced the habit of negative thinking for so long that our thoughts don’t seem separate from our feelings. If you’re focused on your appearance, find something you like about your appearance and focus on that.
It may feel unnatural at first to focus on positive things, but keep practicing and it will feel more normal in time. This may not permanently boost your self-image, but it will keep you focused on something positive and rewarding. Some of the things we say to ourselves are worse than the cruelest comment from a schoolyard bully.


This is usually practiced in a therapist’s office as part of cognitive behavioral therapy.
If you feel uncomfortable speaking up in social settings, make yourself go to an event and talk to one or two people before leaving. Socializing is essential to mental health anyway, but it’s particularly important for someone with low self-esteem to be with loving and supportive people. Grab a pen and paper and write down all of the positive qualities about yourself you can think of. If you have a therapist or even a close friend, review these situations with them and how you reacted and responded. What would you do differently?If you aren’t sure, talk it through with your friend or therapist to get ideas on more positive ways of handling situations that make you feel insecure. When you feel this way, you have the motivation and emotional energy to pursue your goals without fear or shame.
We should stop judging ourselves, learn to change our life’s perspective, always be positive and live a happy life. She is a certified coach, and online teacher with several online courses on finding your passion, building confidence, and creating good habits.
Every day we are faced with decisions, with situations where the way we envision ourselves has an effect on the way we react, act or face certain situations.
If you have people in your life that you trust ask them to be honest about the things they appreciate or loath about you. Many forms of self loathing and insecurities stem from a false representation of how others feel about themselves. No matter how hard you neat yourself over the things you blew, there must be things that you are pretty good at. And there are always two ways to look at any event — from a positive perspective, or from a negative perspective.
Because it’s our imagination that produces the images that either empower us or disempower us. This is because the opinions, stories, and ideas you formed about yourself as a child aren’t necessarily factual about you as an adult.
When you have self-confidence, it’s because you believe that you have the necessary resources to handle whatever emerges. It shows up in your life as faith in yourself, self-assurance, self-reliance, personal power, fearlessness, resiliency, and (believe it or not) confidence in your own ability to learn. Although many things can trigger self-doubt, the discovery of betrayal — or feeling played for a fool — has got to be at the top of the list. I asked her, “Have you ever considered that your opinion of your face could be wrong?
I just pray that my challenging her on her negative opinion of her face is enough to make her doubt her… self-doubt.
Because of that loss of control, your self-confidence, your sense of security, and your self-esteem take a beating. Consider this article like a personal lifeline back to heaven for anyone who’s been through hell but refused to take permanent residence there. It’s the fuel that powers your motivation, risk tolerance, confidence, and ability to cope with uncertainty. Negative emotions, created by negative expectations, drain or lower one’s self-esteem. In spite of our flaws and mishaps, we feel relatively confident in ourselves and what we can achieve.
You’re plagued with uncertainty, and you fear everyone is judging you and seeing you for the loser you think you are. If you felt awkward in a social setting, find one positive thing that occurred and think about it.
Everyone makes mistakes, fails to live up to their own expectations, and lets others down from time to time.
Let these qualities sit at the forefront of your thoughts, rather than allowing your negative perceptions to dominate. Your ability to take positive action, in spite of feeling insecure, will help you feel more secure over time. The following is a list of activities that everyone can do in order to start increasing their self esteem and to become more confident. Therefore, go for a thorough analysis of your own self – start with physical traits that you don’t like and continue through to the emotional and psychological issues that you can find within you. Remember that everyone has some esteem issues, and that there are situations where even the most confident people will take a step back.


Make an inventory of the things that you are good at, of the things that you achieved or are in the process of achieving.
From the little things – saying thank you at the store, to actually helping people with serious business, these activities will build your confidence and will also do quite an interesting thing: you will be able to bask in their successes, happiness and achievements, whereas when you’re out to get everyone, you just end up alone and second-guessing yourself. I suggest, despite all the temptations not to, you choose to only look at this situation from a positive perspective, and only believe those stories and interpretations that you find helpful.
And since those images are in YOUR mind and YOUR imagination, I suggest you allow yourself to only create winning images from this point forward. Self-confidence is what gives us the faith that we can solve problems, tolerate risks, bounce back from adversity, recover from loss, and surrender to change. I remember once a mentor of mine told me that as a parent, the things you fail to deal with in yourself, your children will act out. You can consider some things and discard them, and you can consider other things and accept them.
Because as I already pointed out, self-esteem energy is generated from positive expectations.
Brick by brick, day by day, you’ll change your perceptions about yourself and grow to love and accept the amazing person you are. Read through and try to apply the principles discuss in order to start building and never again get in your own way. By doing this you will learn two things: how others see you and what the difference between what they see you as and how you see yourself is.
Therefore, get a grip on the actual standard of self esteem – don’t expect perfection, but always stride for more. Pit them against the problems of others in your life – that’s right – leverage yourself against the things others have done wrong and see why it is you are better than them.
Make a list of these stories, cliches, catch-phrases… that come from this more positive place. For example, only see yourself winning, only see yourself improving, only see yourself overcoming, and only see yourself coming out of this better than before.
You don’t have the same skills, awareness, intelligence, and resources you used to have — you have far more. And even though I have gotten used to your face, in my mind, it’s still a pretty face. Self confidence issues can be broken down to smaller, workable issues, so be through and decisive about whom you are in terms of flaws. Of course, there’s no need to act out, but just know inside yourself that you are better than many people in your life, and there must be many that are not as good at certain things as you are. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, is created by your confident expectation of bad (think of the man from the Wishing Tree parable). The child of the past didn’t have access to the coping strategies the adult of today has. If you do this exercise (and I have faith you will), you may notice there’s a layer of mean and hurtful statements and cliches that bubble up to the surface. And since both of these are based on your opinion, why not hold an opinion that’s helpful, rather than one that is harmful? It would be ludicrous to hang on to any inadequate (or powerless) image you once had of yourself. Because if you were to try and rebuild your confidence without first dismantling self-doubt, it would be like rebuilding a house using straw.
So from this moment on, I want you to make the decision to only look for evidence that supports positive opinions and positive expectations of life. Remember: Stories of inadequacy, insufficiency or not being enough, only have power if you believe them (not because they are true). All it would take is for one Big Bad Wolf to huff and puff and blow all your self-confidence to smithereens.
Remember I told you that expectations (negative or positive) are largely created by our self-image? So let’s take the bull by the horns and learn how to pull out those weeds of self-doubt so that confidence grows back naturally.



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