Though my performance was far from flawless due to my overwhelming anxiety, I was proud of how I’d faced my fears and completed my performance despite some significant slips. Some days later, a faculty member asked me to be a page-turner for him for the next recital. My first step back on the path to confidence was to acknowledge the emotions I was feeling. When we’re put-down, our confidence suffers because we over-generalize and make faulty conclusions about ourselves using the internalized negativity of others.
If you’re put down or criticized, confine your feelings about the criticism to the action being criticized rather than making it about you. Do this even when the criticism feels like a personal attack. In fact, the more personal the put-down, the greater the likelihood that the incident is more about the other person’s insecurities than it is about you. Sometimes, they can feel like a powerful vortex sucking you down or like a powerful ocean current that sweeps you under water. It’s tempting to feel like you have no control over how you feel when you’re caught in a hostile situation.
In my situation, this meant choosing not to focus on how small the comment “made” me feel. When you decide to choose your attitude, you’ll create an emotional shield that can withstand any insult.
We all struggle with the tendency to tie our worth to our abilities and the opinions of others. We exhaust ourselves by constantly trying to measure up to implicit or explicit standards and expectations. Because I couldn’t play the piano like the person who was judging me, I felt unworthy and useless—despite how well I played.
When someone hurts you deeply with their words, the last thing on your mind at that moment is forgiveness. My path back to self-confidence meant forgiving the person who made the careless and hurtful remark to me.
It just meant that I chose to stop holding on to my negative feelings toward her and let them pass through me. Are you willing to give up years, even decades, of joyful and confident living over mean-spirited remarks? Are you willing to believe the lies others tell you so that they can feel better about themselves? Refuse to believe the voices that say you are not intelligent enough, beautiful enough, or worthy enough. About Cylon GeorgeCylon is a spiritual chaplain, musician, devoted husband, and busy dad of six.
It’s difficult for me to forgive those who were trying their hardest to bring me down.
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My ex broke up with me for the fact that he wanted space, i tried telling him how much i love him but he was just so stubborn, he suddenly changed, he started cheating, I was so hurt and depressed.
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Specific qualification, degree or skills is not necessary for this, just keyboard typing and a good working and reliable internet connection …. Any Time limitations or boundations to start work is not required … You may do this work at any time when you willing to do it …. It's not likely that your husband just woke up one day and decided it would be a fantastic idea to have an affair.
Even though you need to understand why he cheated, don't let him simplify it and blame you.
Don't expect that you'll forgive your husband immediately or start trusting him as soon as he apologizes. When you discover that your spouse is cheating, you feel alone and you might feel worthless. I was studying the piano and enjoyed playing classical music, but I always had a deep fear of performing in front of others, especially other highly skilled musicians.
Allow them to pass through you without resisting or attaching yourself to them, always remembering this simple truth: you are not your emotions.
Instead, I chose to focus on how I was willing to put myself out there and fail in order to grow. We let our sense of worthiness depend on performance—on the job, at home, and even when we’re just hanging out with friends. But the sense of self-worth we so desperately seek outside of ourselves already resides within us. But your willingness to forgive and let go will lift your spirit and restore your confidence in yourself and others. This doesn’t mean that I tried to become her friend, or pretended the incident never happened, or demanded she apologize. It meant giving up the comfort and safety of self-loathing that gave me permission to avoid the pain, but also the payoff, of personal growth. I understand that people are entitled to their opinions, but what they think of me is none of business.
Yes, having good self-confidence helps us in the face of abuse – though I do not believe that we should stay in situations that are abusive or unhealthy for us because it will eventually wear you down. I still struggle with self esteem and confidence issues despite how much potential I have but I am definitely taking your advise with me. Need to get back and mend myself there are some very hurtful people out there that will keep doing the same thing over and over sadly I take in what they say and it sticks. It is very easy to forget at times, sometimes even entirely for a while, the very important sentiments that you have stated.

If you're dedicated to working things out after your husband cheated, regaining confidence in him and yourself is a first step in the healing process. As I tried to deny the emotions I was feeling, they grew stronger and began to manifest in unexpected and destructive ways.
Because you’ll understand the powerful truth that it’s not the put-down that makes or breaks your confidence; it’s how you choose to think and feel about it.
It took me close to a year to regain my confidence by working on it everyday and trying my best to forgive the person. One thing my own experiences have taught me is that I always need to be mindful of how I communicate with others – even to those who are being hurtful to me. When you're ready to meet the challenge, you'll need to focus on both your spouse's actions and your own feelings before you can truly trust him or anyone else again. If your spouse is saying that you drove him to it, take some time to discuss why he feels this way.
I realized that he was fighting an internal battle and took his frustrations out on me, going so far as to file a false police report.
Even when I think about the incident many years later, I sometimes have to forgive the person all over again. I try to speak from a place of love and compassion and I’m quick to ask for forgiveness when I fall short.
If he's just using you as an excuse, he needs to take a deeper look at his own issues before you can trust him again. He needs to commit to being honest with you about his thoughts and feelings, and vice-versa. I asked him to please help me do anything that will bring him back and make him love me more then before, but before the work was done, I was a bit skeptical about the capacity to bring my lover back to me. Understanding why he did it can help you to regain your trust in him and help you to heal your bruised self-image. Knowing that the issue was with him and that you're not at fault can help you to feel more confident about what happened and what your future relationships have to offer. This doesn't mean that he has to constantly apologize on a daily basis for you to feel better about yourself. When the two of you can feel comfortable enough to maintain complete honesty with one another, you'll start to develop the trust that is essential for a healthy marriage and confidence in yourself again. But a strong self-belief, for me, is a key to success in getting past the negative energy of others. 3 days after the work was actually done, my lover transformed, he returned to me and since then there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. Thank you so much for being you and for following your heart’s intuition to write these very words!

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