If you’ve been around children’s sports in the last ten or fifteen years, you might have noticed a strange trend, there is no score-keeping.
So why have we shielded our children from experiencing losing the game or getting a “C” in math?  Self-esteem.
While one could argue a lot of reasons for an increase in the use of anti-depressants, I believe our culture has defined self-esteem and the basis for it incorrectly.
If you listen to our culture, it tells you that how you feel about yourself is the most important part of self-esteem, but our feelings will carry our mind and attitudes from highs to lows and back again, day in and day out. Do you see how extremes of self-esteem lead to a selfish heart and ultimately a “me” focused attitude? In the next two lessons, I will focus on this last point a lot more, and in the last lesson, I will examine our ultimate example of someone with perfect self-esteem, Jesus Christ.
About Latest Posts Erynn SprouseErynn and her husband, Jeremy serve with the Patrick Street church of Christ in Dublin, TX . Undoubtedly it will not be easy to make a switch if you have a long history or negative self talk.
Anytime you catch yourself saying “I can’t…”, turn around and challenge your own claim with, “Why can’t I?” Research shows that most geniuses became the people they are also because of the hard work they put in.
A great method that I have also found useful is to say “Cancel Cancel” each time I find myself saying something negative, whether in the mind or verbally. An important step when repeating affirmations is that you need to read your affirmations aloud with feeling. One thing that you may observe is on how easy it is for your mind to build negative thought upon negative thought. It is important that you identify external negative factors in your life which may be holding your thoughts hostage.
From being uninspired and de-motivated, you will begin to feel uplifted and driven to greater self growth.
You may find yourself daunted by the many things you need to do in order to reach your goals. It is much easier to have a positive attitude if you focus on the enjoyable moments in life rather than the difficult ones.
Replacing self talk from a negative to a more positive one is not going to happen overnight. By following the above tips to positive self talk, you will experience an improvement in the quality of your life.
I am glad to go through such blog, where i find such important information, and i like this blog where the details of 7 steps are been explained in detail.
Unfortunately a lot of our beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of were created when we were too young to evaluate whether what we were being told was the truth or the best way to look at the world. Good post, there are some more points like to add, we also require some negative thought that also improve our performance when we think that we not doing things good than we try to move towards to do things good which lead us to move towards success or doing things good. It is not that easy for most of us, as we probably have been conditioned since very young to be a bit negative (as a way of protecting ourselves) but through work and focus we can make a difference!
Another suggestion I’d make is if you are literally having negative self talk then try changing the tone, pitch or volume of the talk. I think my problem is that I expect too much all at once and give up when I don’t get everything acheived all at once. A good time to practice your affirmations and imagining is at night as you drift off to sleep. Depending on  how long you have been in this relationship and how emotionally invested he is with you and the relationship?
I am 57 years old and still find myself working on positive thinking.  Thje 7 steps above are a good reminder that it takes practice and focus. Two years after a sudden unexpected break up, I still found my inner chatter going like this:  He broke my heart and crushed my spirit. This article is well structured and a great reminder of the steps necessary for a productive frame of mind.
Self-compassion is the extension of kindness, care, warmth, and understanding (instead of beratement and criticism) toward oneself when faced with shortcomings, inadequacies, or failures. Self-compassion is the care and nurturing we offer ourselves when we make mistakes, embarrass ourselves, or come short of a goal we were hoping to achieve. Having self-compassion means to honor and accept your own humanness and accept that in life, you will encounter a number of unfortunate circumstances, sometimes where you’re the one at fault.  Self-compassion is having grace for oneself. Now, consider for a moment: how you respond to yourself when you’ve messed up or haven’t done something quite right? One way to practice is by taking five minutes at the end of the day and writing about the worst thing that happened to you during the day.  Pretend like you’re writing about it from the stance of someone who cares about you. Please enjoy and carefully consider this first lesson in our new series on Biblical self-esteem.
We must train our thoughts to anchor our self-esteem so that it is not tossed about by feelings. There are two extremes when it comes to self-esteem, those with too much and those with too little. She doesn’t feel like she should have to do anything for the church unless she gets the starring role and lots of recognition.


I pray that you might find these lessons encouraging and a radically different message than what you hear in our world.
We are dealing with this a lot with our teenage girls at church right now and I needed this!
We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. By following these steps you will begin to rid your inner conversations of negativity and instead have empowering thoughts. It will be hard to make a change to positive thinking without being acutely intimate with the thoughts that run through your mind. When you say to yourself “I can’t” or “it is too difficult”, you are creating a resistance.
The mere reading of the words bears no consequence unless you put some emotions behind them.
However, if you follow this simple set of instructions your skepticism will soon give way to a new set of beliefs and then crystallized into absolute faith. The positive energy that they vibrate will start affecting the self talk that you engage in as well. If you find yourself becoming stuck, stop and say, “What can I do right now?” Change your internal talk from a future anxiety ridden one to one that is about the more manageable present. While there will inevitably be challenges, you need to remember that life consists of ups and downs and the good times are forged through the bad.
Then when I decide to do something(usually from a plan) I do it (after getting rid of the chatter that always starts when you try to do something).
I think that we don’t need to stop it, more like make it more natural for you to produce a positive talk.
When we come to know that negative thought over ruling us by making us tense or dipressed or ill or any other negative thing than we have to think opposite to our negative thought. And this is also something that we need to work on daily, to build the habit and muscle of positiveness. The important point is that you practice in a quiet setting where you can relax, close your eyes, and not be interrupted.
I like the bit about focusing on the present, and what you can do now – not getting hung up on the future. Compared to those who try to use guilt, shame, or fear as motivators to complete a project or goal, the ones who practice self-compassion are the ones who spend less time dragging their feet when it comes time to perform a task. Those who are accepting and caring towards themselves after a perceived or real failure will be much more likely to “get back on the horse” and keep going. Contrary to what some might assume, self-compassion does not relieve someone of their ownership of a problem; rather, self-compassion actually serves to assist someone in being able to make a more realistic assessment of the role they played in problem process.
Those who are more compassionate with themselves will not crumble if they receive feedback from others. Being self-compassionate is not an innate quality, and it’s often learned in our family of origin.
In one study, participants who did this every day for one week reported experiencing a greater sense of happiness toward their lives. God does not expect us to feel good about ourselves; He expects us to feel right about ourselves. The world tells you self-esteem is found in externals, looks, children, intelligence, husband, marriage, home, job, etc.  But God tells us that our self-esteem is found in the cross and what it represents. It seems that I quickly become frustrated with my family and myself, and that leads me to questioning is there a problem with me or my family. It is human nature to seek personal growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Recently, I was amazed to discover deep buried emotions from negative thoughts that I had for fewer than 10 minutes. For instance, if your first grade teacher repeatedly told you that you were “stupid”, you might believe it to be truly the case. Having such a mental block will prevent you from achieving a task you could otherwise succeed at.
By repeating them over and over again, you build inroads into your subconscious mind, opening up the possibility of a new state of thoughts. Of significant fact is that your subconscious mind takes any orders given in complete faith and after repeated self talk. You cannot control what will happen in the future but you can take the necessary steps now that will build a better tomorrow.
You try to convince yourself that you are happy in your current state when in fact, you are not. Take a step-by-step approach in breaking down your fears and see if there is any way round to looking at things more positively. However, if you find yourself often struggling, unable to achieve your goals and talking yourself down, then you should grit your teeth and commit to the process of change.
I believe by focusing on the tips perhaps I would be able to cope up with my self ctiticizing views which are sow deep down in my mind . I totally agree, fear is a very real problem and one that most people don’t realize they even have.


You will really help me see why I sometimes go back and forth in my thoughts from negative to positive. Take for example, a homeless man on the street; when encountering him, you may notice his pain and wonder if under different circumstances your life could have turned out the same way.
This is because those who practice self-compassion know they have inherent value and abilities to recover— even if the feedback is not positive. When you’re tempted to be self-critical or judgmental, try to speak to yourself as someone who cares about you would; consider what they might say to encourage you.
Depending on our childhood circumstances, this may or may not have been a skill that we learned from our parents. Most of the time feeling right about ourselves should lead us to positive thoughts, but sometimes feeling right about ourselves should lead us to repentance.
It requires constant dedication and attention to our moods with Biblical thoughts to counteract feelings. High class on Sunday mornings and leads the Children’s Bible Hour program on Sunday nights. I think a lot of poor choices that we make as women come back to believing Satan’s lies about who we are and what we should be.
This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us greater rewards. You would find that your inner chatter would often be filled with talk of “I am so slow” and “it is so hard to learn”. When you confront your fears, you will often realize that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you think.
For a start, if you can be grateful for what you have presently, your self talk will also change to be in alignment with one of joy. With the change in energy, you are more likely to reach your highest potential and achieve success. Once you actually spend a day paying attention to the things you say to yourself in your mind, you might be shocked at how much your feelings hurl insults at your self-worth.
You might find it odd to read a verse talking about humility of mind when self-esteem is the topic, but the two are completely intertwined. But we should find ourselves becoming more and more like Louise and less and less like Mary and Sandy.
She is a full-time mom who homeschools their three children: Grace (8), Sophia (4), and Levi (2). If you constantly tell yourself such negative stories, your actions are going to reflect your low self esteem. I think it will be really helpful for me to recognize this and work on trying to stay focused on what is happening in the present, not what could possible happen three years down the line. Compassion for her and her situation leads you to offer a listening ear, a comforting hug, or maybe some kind words of encouragement. We go to therapy or take medications if we don’t (I am not talking about clinical depression!). Something described as “deceitful” and “desperately sick” in God’s word is not something we want to heed in our lives!
Everything should be focused on them, their abilities, their lives, etc.  The second group has low self-esteem.
Thanks so much for writing this series and helping us get back on track with a Christ-centered esteem. Refrain from discussing your plans with people who will be unsupportive of your dreams and goals. I will also definitely be trying number 3- I think really internalizing a positive, pleasant future will help my thoughts change. You would think in the richest, most free country in the world, we would have more self-esteem than anyone else in history.
The cross will tell you that you are undeserving and a sinner, that you still have things to work on that God wants to perfect in you. When you do this, you start to internalize your goals and dreams, as if they are something that you have already achieved.
My husband is always amazed by our daughters’ ability to be extremely upset and sobbing one minute, then laughing and smiling the next!
If only they had been prettier, a better mother, a better wife, a better whatever, then xyz wouldn’t have happened. You are a Christian woman made to serve a God who wants you to realize that you are fabulous, wonderful, and purchased at a great price so that He can make you into what He wants you to be. She doesn’t necessarily like cleaning, but she does like helping others and the Lord’s kingdom. She knows that she is defined by more than the job she is doing tonight, so she goes about cheerfully doing what needs to be done even if no one thanks her or even notices.



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