Relationship specialists Markman, Stanley and Blumberg isolate four key patterns that generate unnecessary workplace anger and defensiveness.
This involves becoming an amateur psychologist, telling another person what he or she is thinking or feeling, before they have even told you. In actual fact, we do not know for sure when communicating, what another is feeling or thinking at any given moment. Name calling while communicating at work is an aggressive attack on another, suggesting that they are nothing more than their new name suggests. Be aware that whenever someone leads out with either “You always…” or “You never…” it tends to lead to disagreement and an argument.The problem here is that the person is declared totally wrong or bad, which is not true. This affords the statement some breathing room, allowing the other to maintain their dignity, and inferring that you are open to correction. If we care about communicating at work, we will choose not to enact any of the above patterns. Slideshare uses cookies to improve functionality and performance, and to provide you with relevant advertising. Rest assured emotions arise at work as we experience time, budget and performance challenges and raise communication barriers.

Furthermore it can serve to destroy trust between work peers, leaving you without any goodwill in your relationships.
Use “I” messages, where you state your feelings, owning your concern about a matter rather than passing judgment on another person by putting them down. The other person can only sustain blame for a few seconds before they become defensive and fight back. Good communication only occurs with an attitude of care and respect for the individual and the task at hand. People get very upset when we become amateur psychologists, telling them what is going on inside of them. We tend to treat them as if this our perception is also their reality, without checking in with them to see if it is indeed true for them. Deferring to the other in this way allows effective dialogue to triumph, avoiding oppositional anger.
The act of blaming draws us into this shielded position and effectively cuts off our creative problem solving side. Do not attempt a dialogue until your desire to find a solution overrides your need to attack another.

Knowing how to avoid creating it and to handle it in others is one of the keys to communicating harmoniously at work.
To suggest that we can see into their minds, making uninformed declarations about their interior experience, may generate anger. If we are wrong, this becomes “crazy-making”, or a source of frustration and anger for the other person, as the entire relationship is based on an assumption.
Labeling puts someone in a category that suggests they are at a lower status, as opposed to being seen as a unique individual. There is a big difference between “You teenagers play this same music all the time” and “I’m not too fond of this music.

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