It happens to you slowly as you grow.  You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you. What are you holding on to that’s holding you back?  What’s the first step you need to take to let it go?  Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below. What a beautifully written piece on letting go, moving on, and taking control of your own happiness. It’s been a long journey to this current place in my life where I am seeing with new clarity that the key to my happiness is living each day from my own truth. I have been encountering this kind of thing for years now, involving my mother AND children.
Am wondering though, do you still have contact with your immediate family, and how is it all going, either way?
I always thought that maybe I needed time to wait for that someone but the longer I wait the more painful it may seem.
Moreover, I’m not really a person doing comments or responses to articles nor really a fanatic one to read articles yet if I may say, this is a good start though. As a Christian I believe that I need to read and listen to the teachings of God which is in the Bible to relieve my situation but perhaps God painted something around, and made you His instrument to enlighten people whose life lives in the past and whose future is so glaring. This is great advice for moving forward, it is very difficult when you are in a situation where the paths you wish to take to move yourself on are blocked by those trying to bring you down. Thank you for this reminder, I am a domestic violence counsellor and have been struggling for years under the stress of an under resourced organisation and being placed in the role of management and trying to fit!
With high blood pressure and burn out I have struggled on to meet client needs and organisational demands as well as working in system that mirrors the crisis and chaos so many clients face!! Reading your article helped remind me of the things I know and tell others but that I am not really practicing in my own life! I am finding it so difficult to let go, so am pleased to have found this article at a time when I need support to reflect and learn to move on. I have been in denial for ten years thinking the father of my children will marry me and be a family together in the same house. Dear Marc and Angel, I normally don’t leave a comment to a public site, but I’ve been meaning to tell you both that your blogs are a godsend to many of us!
I stumbled upon your blog when I was looking for inspiration on how to move forward from a friendship that fell apart. My expectations are so high for myself and for others, that I usually let myself down and feel so disappointed in others when they don’t live up to my expectations.
In a society where most people (politicians in particular) have some sort of faith that guides their decisions, it’s impossible to have a true separation of church and state. What I am suggesting is we create and support a system where political decisions are made based on arguments that stand on their own merits without a religious crutch. As an example, a commonly-argued, religiously-slanted issue is marriage equality (and one you don’t have to guess my bias on). You can be opposed to marriage equality, but under the political system I’m suggesting politicians would have to debate it with secular reasoning that can appeal to people of all belief systems (like the members of their constituencies they are supposed to be representing). It will NOT slippery slope now we’re marrying toasters and we elected a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos to office and other similar nonsense.
For me,( I see myself as a spiritual person but by no means religious,as the two are not connected in my view) it is really quite simple. Just as politics has no business in religious affairs,religion should stay out of politics and in the houses of worship where it belongs.
I do not trust anyone,politician or not,who wears their religion on their sleeve,or identifies themselves by their faith. My humanist values guide me, because I believe that humans are responsible for fixing their own mistakes, and caring for each other. I get a little electric rush of excitement when I find someone capable of having a mature discussion, it really restores my faith (har har har) in authentic online interactions. Based on your comments, it sounds like you have more in common with an atheist than you might have though, and you even talk about us being different than the rest of society.
Maybe religion is only one recipe for living a life of distinction, and there are other approaches that come to similar results. This country was also founded by people who thought that Black people were not complete humans, and that women were second-class citizens, and that people with mental disabilities were better dead than alive.


Imagine you were having a meeting with 5 people from 5 different countries who spoke 5 completely different languages. What I’m suggesting here is that we require our reps and elected officials to have a translator that allows them to speak a language EVERYONE can agree on. Actually, in our country, we have a history of tending to minority needs as well the majority. As I mentioned in the article, a particular religion should not be the sole argument for a policy considering we’re a secular country and we have an incredibly diverse populace.
Secularism is not a solution that allows equality for all, its just a rival Religion in its own Right. Actually, it does if your entire argument is based on religious beliefs (morals and values). What needs to happen is religion needs to learn tolerance, as opposed to the nazi state thinking that many religious types like to use.
I do agree that many religious folks could do with a bit more tolerance, but that goes for most everyone, doesn’t it? You are anti Christian People’s religious views are as much a part of them as their preferences for Coke or Pepsi. You should probably learn how to use proper grammar before making an ignorant comment where your opinion is not needed. It is valid and have no reason to deprive persons having or not a belief in a deity, but it is not justifiable is the fact that these beliefs is handled with the masses.
Maybe for someone obsessed with the idea of religion will be complicated, but for a sane person think I should not have much problem.
Stumbled upon your blog doing a general search about finding strength in leaving something you know in your heart is not right. Overcoming years of being a people pleaser and giving up my own power has given me the insight that living your own truth really does set you free.
That is why I took the decision to search and read articles in the net and it happened that I read yours (this).
We cannot give the power to make us feel a certain way, we cannot allow others to drive us. For example, during my time at university I tried to move forwards from bullies who continued to block my every move, through facebook stalking and rumour spreading, even to my academic staff. I have been assaulted twice for deeds my elder brother did and am afraid that the scenario may replay again. For the past three years he haven’t taking me out, no birthday present, no holiday gift, ,and he want invited me to his home. I realize it more and more that when I’m struggling with something at the moment, yor post the right, positive and encouraging words just in the perfect time!
The hardest thing for me to do is to let go because of the fear that I am feeling right now, fear of being alone, fear of not being loved from anyone.
The preceding moment is PAST and only for the recollection and wisely use of the experiences of it.
I feel like the real problem is that people let their religious values outweigh their logic.
I do think Christianity has every place in our legislative system because our country was founded on the passions of our forefathers to have religious freedom. Without a God, I believe that no one else can do it for us, so I feel a great sense of responsibility. First of all, I agree with you, I think there are a lot of people out there who are selfishly trying to get ahead at all costs with little regard for their fellow man. Even apes understand the importance of sharing resources, babysitting children, alerting others of a predator even though making a sound will only draw more attention to themselves. I have to say, your words echo what most minds and hearts tell us, yet we push away when torn.
At 40 she is still living with my parents who’s is trying to parent her teenage daughter as well. Im currently trying to find peace within myself so i can continue my walk in life and have the future i deserve. She is a human and she loves me dearly… Eventully i started having feelings for her.


The pain just wont go away, these points somehow helps ease the pain am feeling and understand things out. The forthcoming moment is FUTURE which is a hope and we are not permitted to control it anyways.
My husband is chronically ill and won’t do anything to make it better when he could turn it around. It sounds like you realize these people are made up of both religious and nonreligious individuals, as are people who seem to have discovered a purpose or philosophy of living well. These are selfless acts that seem to arise because they are mutually beneficial to both parties. Tolerance MAY be the first step but in tolerance there is always a feeling of distaste, dislike, annoyance, agitation… ect. This article has inspired me to take hold of my own life and get the help I need so I can let go and move on. When after 10 years, nothing has changed, still broken, still hopeful, still everything wrong. It is the religious right(which to me is an oxymoron considering the life of the Nazarene) that has turned social issues into political footballs,where it has NO business. One person’t morals do not necessarily match those of another because they were raised differently. We are getting a divorce, but I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone else and fulfilling our dreams with someone else, that he promised me, time and time again.
The best dad, and husband, but for the last 5 has been emotionally abusive cheated, and frankly mean. She has had a rough go of life in the last 3 years as well and over time has become increasingly angry and rage filled. He has become so negative, hateful towards people, doesn’t want anyone around, and is pressuring me to quit doing all the things that I do in my life outside of being with him. Anyone who lives their religion knows it isn’t always easy to do what is required of them. People need to ACCEPT other people’s views and lifestyles as being diverse and different from their own. I am in a vicious circle and a down ward spiral, out of control of bitterness and brokenness. A month and a half ago she had a breakdown, involving threatened self harm and a whole chaotic event of police involvement. We don’t have the right to impose our beliefs on others through the law making process. Their lifestyle doesn’t effect anyone else’s, everyone makes their own free choices on their own free will, so let it be! I still sometimes morn the loss of a sister when I see other sisters doing stuff together, but realising that I have a beautiful daughter who I can build a relationship with is a definite plus in my life.
Thus consequences arose threatening her career in law enforcement and the trickle down effect as such. In turn I put my life on hold for a month and did everything in my power everyday to help her. Until one day her request for a renovation consisted of numerous angry outbursts as things didn’t go her way. I knew this to be apart of her personality but as of late it had been so much more elevated. He was an awesome dad, but now is a horrible role model and a horrible husband spending many nights at the bar til the wee hours of the morning. It all came crashing down when a simple common mishap from my 3 and 5 year old (they tangled her cord on her blinds when left to their own devices on and off for the day of renos) resulted in her verbally attacking them and me and completely losing her composure. My mama bear came out, as I’m sure did the mounting exhaustion of my helping over the last month and a huge HUGE argument ensued.



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