The capacity to deeply relate to others is a key to all forms of relational success—at work and at home.
When you focus intently on your breathing and relaxation, you pull your attention into the present moment. Most of us are only able to stay relaxed and in the present moment for brief periods of time.
It's best to enter a conversation with an inviting expression that conveys kindness, compassion, and interest.
Compassionate communication has a basic rule: whenever possible, limit your speaking to thirty seconds or less.
Our conscious minds can only retain a tiny bit of information, and for thirty seconds or less. Our recommendation is this: Take compassionate communication techniques into your work and into the highest levels of management you can reach. When we become completely absorbed in something as simple as breathing or relaxing a specific part of our body, the inner speech of everyday consciousness stops, at least momentarily, and this allows us to become aware of the subtle things that are immediately happening around us.
We especially need to develop the skill to remain silent so that we can give our fullest attention to what other people say.
The recollection of pleasant memories will also release pleasure chemicals throughout your own body and brain, and this will take you into an even deeper state of relaxation.


It decreases the stress chemical cortisol, and it increases oxytocin, a neurochemical that enhances empathy, social cooperation, and positive communication. It's a great gift to give to someone, since to be fully listened to and understood by others is the most commonly cited deep relationship or communication value. Indeed, by not taking an active role in dialogue and teamwork building, they generate more interpersonal conflicts within their groups. Research shows that you can suppress those distracting feelings and thoughts, but you have to practice doing it over and over until you gain control. Unconsciously they will know when we're distracted by our inner speech, and the lack of interest they perceive will make them distance themselves from you.
It can be elicited by tapping into a pleasant memory, particularly one that involves people you deeply love and respect. When you look directly into the other person's eyes as you maintain this loving memory, they will want to engage you in a dialogue. The best reason we know of is that our busy minds have not been able to clearly formulate the essence of what we want to convey, so we babble on, externalizing the flow of information generated by our inner speech. Perhaps their mind is preoccupied, or perhaps they are deeply caught up in their own feelings and thoughts. Because it eliminates the natural defensiveness that normally exists when people casually converse.


This memory softens the muscles around your eyes and evokes a gentle half smile on your face. Their facial expression will resonate with yours, and this will deepen the sense of contentment and satisfaction in both of you. If this is the case, it's unlikely that they will be able to listen deeply to what you want to say. As researchers at Loyola University Chicago demonstrated, contentment gives rise to mutually benevolent engagements. This allows the other person to join in whenever they feel the need to respond or to ask for clarification. This will encourage them to pay closer attention to you and to ignore their own intrusive inner speech.



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