To me, that felt like I received two shots, a bullet to the head and a cannon ball to the stomach. In 2000 on my first yoga class I realized that there was some relation between what I felt in my stomach and the pain of what happened when I was 18.
I got dizzy, took a frantic inhale (as if I had been drowning) and then bent over, hands on knees, trying to catch my breath, dispelling the blur in my eyes, until eventually I could see Paul again. The emotional body, however, had an extra layer on top of my muscles, and this extra layer still had a strong hold on me.
After that conversation with Paul my drop-backs have gotten a lot deeper, and I don’t inhale desperately anymore when I come up. He warned me before asking that this particular question would was weird; I guess he is used to having strong reactions to it.

See, the body (physical) was ready to let go, and even the emotional body was beginning to let go (I was breathing as I was coming up), but I was still going around talking about it. We are good people at heart, and we are all compassionate at the core, so we feel for the pain of others. All these years, I did not know they had announced her death at school, and that they had said it was an accident. For example: I no longer think that people who take their own lives will be punished, or have to pay for it. Now I see they were in pain, desperate, they did not know what else to do, they could not see any other options, they did the best they could.
And wherever my mother maybe now, with all the love that lives within me for her, I wish her a wonderful new start.

On her way down she crashed onto a glass table in the backyard of the owners of the ground floor unit.
Yes, it would have been good to have a conversation about it, to ventilate thoughts and begin healing. She is the co-author of the Wall Street Journal bestselling book The Power Of No. Visit her blog and follow her on Twitter.

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