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Sarah Gray, Chicago-based programmer and co-founder of the self-tracking web application MercuryApp, has come up with a solution.
Using Should I break up with my boyfriend?, the user rates how they feel about their boyfriend every day for two weeks. When Gray reviewed her graph from her own relationship, it was clear that she spent more time neutral and unhappy than happy. In the end, tracking her feelings helped Gray move on and eventually find happier days with a new love. She hopes that the app will help others gain insight into their relationships and feel more confident in their choices. The remaining ratings were neutral, bad, or worst, and she chose the highest rating only once. Life Enthusiast.How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship August 6, 2015April 12, 201611 minute readby Mark Manson Long distance relationships are the worst.
She could also see her notes and was able to identify behavioral patterns that made her unhappy. Gray believes that hiding the data keeps the user “in the moment,” and prevents them from being influenced by their most recent feelings. This information is displayed as a graph and the user receives customized advice based on the unique patterns in their entries*, along with a record of all their diary notes.
As a young man who was terrified of any sort of commitment whatsoever, I found that I could only allow myself to fall for a girl if she was at least 500 miles away.1 The first one, we both genuinely tried to make it work, but things fell apart spectacularly. The second one we both agreed that our lives were taking us to different parts of the world and we were probably better off letting it go.
The third, we immediately made plans to end the distance as soon as possible and then did.2So I guess what I’m saying is, I’ve seen both sides of the long distance relationship coin. Always Have Something to Look Forward To TogetherWhat kills long distance relationships is the constant underlying uncertainty to everything.


One thing that is true about all relationships is that if they’re not growing, then they’re dying. Be Slow to JudgeA funny thing happens to humans psychologically when we’re separated from one another. When we’re apart from one another or have limited exposure to a person or event, we start to make all sorts of assumptions or judgments that are usually exaggerated or untrue.3This can manifest itself in various ways within a long distance relationship. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship.
They become paranoid, asking who the fuck is Dan, tell me who the fuck this Dan guy is, and why is he writing on your Facebook wall — oh, he’s your stepbrother? OK, maybe I wasn’t listening when you told me, but I still don’t want you hanging out with Dan, got it? The first is that when you inevitably hit days that you don’t have much to talk about (or don’t feel like talking), you’ll half ass it and fill your communication with a bunch of filler. Great, now you’re half-assing your relationship and spending time with your partner not because you want to but because you feel obligated. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever.This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves.
Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again in a couple days. There is such a thing as overexposure.The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time.
Make Sure The Distance is TemporaryA long distance relationship cannot survive without hope. If she’s taking a 10-year contract working for the Singaporean government, and he makes a career dogsledding around the polar ice caps, well, then there’s not much hope for that relationship, no matter how much they may love each other.Not only must there be some shared vision of a possible future for you together, but you both must also feel as though you’re working toward that vision. If he’s in Los Angeles and you’re in New York, nothing will kill the relationship faster than applying for jobs in London and Hong Kong.In my second relationship, my girlfriend took a job working in Africa.


Meanwhile, I toiled away in the US with no money trying to get my first internet business off the ground.
All hope for making it work was removed from the equation and we soon broke up.My current girlfriend is Brazilian. Both of us were battle-worn veterans of failed long distance relationships, and one of our first conversations was that if we didn’t feel that there was a possibility of us living in the same city again within a year, then there was no point in keeping in touch.Obviously, this wasn’t an easy conversation to have. OK, that sounded weird, but what I mean, is that you have to make the logistical, life-rearranging commitment to one another for them to have any chance of working. Paradoxically, you end up with this weird dynamic where long distance relationships force you to make much more significant commitments to a person who you’ve had far less exposure to.
Because even if the relationship goes down like a Malaysian Airlines flight,5 you will have learned a lot about yourself, about intimacy, and about commitment in the process.On another level, it’s hard to tell.
Because when you’re stuck in a long distance relationship, you don’t really know what it’s like to date the other person.
You only have this halfway, vague idea of what it’s like.Sure, you know their personality and their attractive qualities.
And so on.You don’t get a sense for the actual relationship until you’re there, in person, and in each other’s faces non-stop, whether you want to be or not. In the constricted personal space between two people who have spent way, way, way too much time around each other. And it’s what determines if a relationship will last or not.Distance prevents this constricted intimacy from ever forming in a meaningful way.
It’s too easy to get caught up in the drama of our minds instead of the calm and boring truths of our hearts.Can it work?



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